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Posts Tagged ‘Z Train’

Reck: I’m writing a Jared Leto dissenting opinion right now.
Johnb: Excellent. Though, I don’t know how.
Reck: It’s too easy.
Johnb: How is that going to be easy? My arguments are rock solid.
Reck: Ha. You wish. I will take them apart like so many lincoln logs.
Johnb: Let the debate begin.

 

I hate to break this to you, Johnb, but Jordan Catalano is actually a huge jerk. Cute as an illiterate button, but a jerk. You say you were let down that Jared Leto was not exactly the same as Jordan Catalano, but he is, so you can start addressing that 12-year-old pain and move on.

You, like Angela, spent your time with him trying to imbue humanity into that sex-bomb lifeless shell of a boy. His incredibly beautiful eyes – like two puppies sleeping under his gently furrowed brow – lulled you into some kind of complacency that is completely against your normal nature. You hate everyone, Johnb. Remember? So while I’m not saying it’s possible for you to like either Jared or Jordan, I must insist that they are equally worthy of your ire, not one more than the next.

Let me draw your attention to several key points.

1. If you want to talk about the MSCL culture of teenage jerkhood, you’re going to want to compare the Jordan and Rayanne characters. They were both guilty of being pretty bad friends to Angela. They got her into trouble, used her and her stable home life, were flakey and inconsiderate, etc. HOWEVER, Rayanne has what I like to call a potential for humanity. She had her tragic flaws – addiction, weird hair – but she loved Angela and would have done anything for her. Jordan just wanted to take away her precious virginity. And that’s her flower, Johnb. Don’t you understand?

2. Jordan loved his car more than any human. This fact was made devastatingly clear during the episode when Angela thought the song “Red” was about her. Because she had brand new red hair. But he was actually talking about his car. Which was red. Because colors are stronger than feelings for him.

3. He had an imaginary friend, Tino.

Also, as it turns out, I take issue with your assertion that not wanting to be on The Jay Leno Show is pompous. I don’t want to be on Jay Leno and I hold a very low opinion of my self worth. You wouldn’t get that by how I ramble on about ridiculous things and expect other people to hang on my every word. But it’s true.

In conclusion, as much of a freaky jerk as Jared may be, he is exactly the same as that little (hot) pissant Jordan Catalano. So 12-year-old you needs to put a little thought into why she is so upset. I’m going to say it has something to do with being in Catholic school.

However, to be fair, don’t you just love the way he leans?

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j-train.gifz-train.gifm-train.gif You pretty much know what you’re getting with the JZM Condom. It’s mostly in Brooklyn, but there’s a quick in and out through Manhattan.

4-train.gif5-train.gif The 4/5 Condom is smooth and efficient. It’ll get you there fast and it hardly ever breaks.

airtrain.gif  The AirTrain Condom is just like all the other condoms, but more expensive, modern and confusing. Give yourself at least two hours per use.

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