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Posts Tagged ‘Winners’

I taped last night’s Golden Globes so that I could forward through most of the shit. And there was a lot of shit. Here are some stray things that I noticed:

  • Anna Paquin won Best Actress in a Drama for the HBO show True Blood. If all you need to do to win a Golden Globe is talk in a shitty accent to creepy vampires, then I think the Hollywood Foreign Press owes Keanu Reeves a little something something.
  • The lyrics to Bruce Springsteen’s song “The Wrestler” sound like a Weird Al Yankovic parody of a Bruce Springsteen song. Lines like “Have you ever seen a one-legged dog making his way down the street? If you’ve ever seen a one-legged dog then you’ve seen me.” Not only is The Boss is making the claim that one legged dogs can walk (which I don’t believe is possible), but also he is saying that were he a shapeshifter, he would in fact turn into a one-legged dog.
  • I have not seen Happy-Go-Lucky but I think that Sally Hawkins needs to eat more sandwiches. And valium.
  • Ricky Gervais should host everything, always, forever.
  • Drew Barrymore was clearly attacked by a weed-whacker.
  • Tracy Morgan should co-host everything with Ricky Gervais, always, forever.
  • Alec Baldwin remembers getting Rumor Willis juice-boxes on set of “the movie.” He also makes references to his own daughter. Could this have something to do with the fact that he got in trouble for leaving a nasty voicemail on his daughter’s phone a while back? Alec Baldwin: not only does he love his own children, but he’ll bring your child juice.
  • Is it me, or did Colin Farrell pretty much tell the Hollywood Foreign Press that they’re idiots for giving him an award, let alone nominating him?
  • David Duchovny makes reference to his wife and family, letting America know that he is no longer a sex-addict, but continues to be a Golden Globe nominated actor for playing one on television.
  • Mickey Rourke totally pulled off calling Darren Aronofsky a “cat” and then talked about how much he loved his dogs (both living and dead). This was officially the highlight of the evening. Oh, and Aronofsky, with a Vincent Price moustache, gave Mickey Rourke the finger on live TV. I know a certain camera man who is getting fired.

What a wonderfully boring awards ceremony it was. On to the next awards show that is not being hosted by Tracy Morgan or Ricky Gervais.

Deal with it, Cate Blanchett

Deal with it, Cate Blanchett

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King Hot Dog Takeru Kobayashi may be unable to compete in this year’s extravaganza July 4th Hot Dog Eating Competition!

 Arthritis of the jaw has rendered him “all but paralyzed.”

 In the face of the daily, brutal war that Kobayashi faces against stomach-stretching quantities of food, Kobayashi laments, “My jaw refused to fight anymore … [it] has abandoned the frontline.”

 With the condo-building on Coney Island and this hot dog tragedy, what’s next? How much must we bear?

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Seriously, they’re so cute.

And for when the video gets taken down for copyright infringement, here’s the general idea:

Jose Reyes is about to give Carlos Delgado a bear hug.

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Recklesley: It is so alarming what people type into search engines to find our blog.
Johnbaptisedme: I know.
Recklesley: It never ceases to amaze me.
Johnbaptisedme: One of the searches was for “busted ass.”
Recklesley: Yeah.
Johnbaptisedme: I bet the Claire Danes entry came up for that one.

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Reck: Watched some “Degrassi.”
Johnbme: That’s good.
Johnbme: They air that show on the N network. That and “My So-Called Life.”
Johnbme: But I hate both Claire Danes and Jared Leto now. Ruins it.
Johnbme: I’m forced to root for Brian Krakow.
Reck: I love Krakow.
Johnbme: Of course you do. I, like most 13 year olds, hated him. He had no backbone.
Reck: I love him.
Johnbme: He would do anything for Angela even though she’d use him…all the time.
Johnbme: Like when she took his bike.
***
Johnbme: But too bad Jared Leto is like the biggest douche now.
Reck: Is he?
Johnbme: Talking to you is like talking to an alien.

Are there still people, aside from Recklesley, who don’t know the god awful human being Jared Leto has become? Although, this a-hole side of Jared may not be new, actually. I remember reading a “Details” interview with J-Leto when I was in 6th grade, and feeling let down by the fact that he was not exactly like Jordan Catalano. In that, he wasn’t illiterate, and didn’t write songs about his car, Red. But also because he seemed like a jerk. Yeah, I said it, a jerk. He exuded extreme pompousness, which must’ve been pretty present if I could pick up on it when I was 12, and he also stated that his biggest nightmare was to appear on “The Jay Leno Show.” Lame. And while he still hasn’t been a guest on the Tonight Show, he’s appeared on “Late Night with Carson Daly” not once, but twice. (To all celebrities: If you say something in an interview, and I read this interview, I will remember it. And I will call you out on your boldface hypocrisy…in this blog. Which you will definitely read.)

Speaking of Carson Daly, have you seen him lately? I’m worried.

Anyway, back to Jared, I’d like to discuss his recent transformation from quasi-normal, sort of jerkface, hottie-hot-hot…to weird, goth, ass.

Here is old Jared.

Here is new Jared.

Here is fat Jared.

He’s not fat anymore. He gained that weight for a role. But isn’t that weird? He looks like a different person. Anyway, as you can see, Jared has changed from his 1995 self. But I suppose we all have. However, I feel as though most of us, humans, have with the years become better people. But judging by this article, involving Leto’s uncontrollable temper, Elijah Wood, and some strangling, it’s clear Jared L. has only regressed back to a childlike behavior of physical violence, and whining.

Another example of Leto’s gross behavior– a recent quote from Jimmy Kimmel:
“[Jared Leto] was so insufferably satisfied with himself that I wanted to strangle him.”

– Talk show host and funnyman Jimmy Kimmel tells Stuff magazine, when asked if he ever had to hide his disdain for a guest.

I, coincidentally, caught this episode of Jimmy Kimmel. You should try to watch it on youtube, if it hasn’t already been taken down. At least try to see Leto’s “band,” 30 Seconds to Mars perform. It’s great. At one point Leto reaches out the microphone into the crowd, assuming audience members have memorized the lyrics to his song. I think the song was titled, “I Love Myself.” I suppose there may have been a few people who participated in the impromptu 30 Seconds to Mars Bars karaoke. But I can only assume they were either die-hard MSCL fans, or the type of people who can watch “Requiem for a Dream” more than once.

So, there it is. The top however many reasons on why Jared Leto is the worst. Hope you enjoyed this useless entry.

PS Here is the new Claire Danes Gap commercial. Just one of the many reasons why she is my most hated actress.

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