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Posts Tagged ‘Wigs’

Woody Allen Hearts Puccini

Speaking of opera, everyone’s favorite Brooklyn-bred cineaste, Woody Allen, will be directing an opera in September 2008. Gianni Schicchi, the opera in question, is a comedy, which is good news for Allen’s fans who will not have to endure another Match Point-style suckfest. I like to think of it as a version of Everyone Says I Love You, but instead of happening in New York in 1995, it will take place in Florence in 1299.

The only real problem – and it is a big freaking problem that shakes me in my very soul – is that the show will be performed at the Los Angeles Opera. Wasn’t it Woody Allen who once called L.A. a “city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.” Don’t give ’em two, Woody.

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Tori Spelling just gave birth to a baby boy. I wonder if he’s going to inherit any of Tori’s original features.

Lindsay Lohan’s father was just released from prison. Good. We need more Lohan drama.

Apparently Tom Brady has impregnated not one, but two women. One of which is Gisele Bundchen. Damn, Tom. Have you ever heard of birth control? And, way to go!

Britney Spears apparently has a new boyfriend. He’s a rocker. They met at Alcoholics Anonymous. Sweet. He wants to save her. And help her pick out a new wig.

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“Mr. Giuliani…would be only the second Catholic president and the first of Italian heritage.”

So what they’re trying to say is…um…wait, does this count as non-white or something? Are these big hurdles nowadays? I suppose I understand, because above all, his alliance would have to be to¬† the Pope and to left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers (or “New Yorkers,” as they’re more commonly refered to).

The biggest problem for him, I think, is that if he’s elected president, Democrats will not be driven to suicide. Maybe some of them will sit in their rooms listening to Tori Amos and carving “Barack” into their forearms, but they’ll get over that. I mean, he’s shown a certain level of competency; he’s not affiliated with the evangelicals; he can’t spit out what he means by “constructionist” judges; he’s not particularly interested in fetuses. He’s more of a Democrat than Lieberman. I think this will pose a problem for him in terms of getting the Republican nomination and also in terms of getting evangelical/neo-con types to actually vote for him. He’s going to alienate the vast majority of Republicans because of his social views.

And look! He shows a pretty concrete understanding of one major Iraq fuck-up: “‘I would have us not disband’ the Iraqi military or purge the government of Baath Party members, because ‘that meant getting rid of the entire civil service,’ he said, adding: ‘The country had no infrastructure.'” And I mean, bitch knows a little something about civil infrastructure.

Nevertheless, he has no experience working in the international realm and, above all, is a Republican which is non-populist by definition. So while I think he would be a perfectly competent administrator, I think he lacks the values and priorities to actually affect positive change for Americans.

PS: I once had a dream about Ben Seaver and Stephanie Tanner getting married. It was the happiest night of my life.

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Saturday Night Live is no longer funny. Why is this show still an hour and half? Because it’s so unfunny? Is that why? Dumb. This show should be cut down to like, 12 minutes. But I will say, there are several good players on the show at the moment: Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, Bill Hader, and Keenan Thompson. Everyone else should be flushed down the NBC toilet. But Andy Samberg should first be burned. His lack of comedic timing makes me cringe. But I do remember this one time, when I was watching an Andy Samberg skit, I laughed a little. But I was also high. And drunk. And looking in the mirror. And wearing a wig. Inside out. I hope America will soon catch on to his unfunniness. That probably won’t happen though, since America thinks “Two and a Half Men” is the best sitcom on CBS….although is it the best sitcom on CBS? It very well might be, seeing as how CBS isn’t even really considered a legitimate network anymore. To me. And just because I’ve seen several (x3) episodes of the show, doesn’t mean I enjoy being subjected to its 40 something year old humor. It means I have really low standards for television. Oh, right, but SNL. Stupid. In my opinion this is the worst season since 2002, when the show lost Will Ferrell. Whatever, sketch comedy is dying. Even if there are two new (critically acclaimed) shows revolving around the genre. I think that SNL should go on hiatus until it stops sucking.

In this entry:

-Andy Samberg Not Being Funny-
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-Unfunny Popular Show-
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-An Inside Out Wig-
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