Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Weirdo’

The Brooklyn wino has many choices when it comes to “scoring juice” in the Carroll Gardens area. But of course, we know not all wine shops are created equal. Frankly, the area spanning Court/Atlantic to Smith/9th street is littered with average wine shops (Scotto’s, Carroll Gardens Wine & Liquor, Vintage Cellars, The-Bullet-Proof-Window-Liquor-Store, etc.) that just provide your standard Yellowtail Shiraz meets “I’m Francis Coppola and I’m Buying This Vineyard” selection. These places are fine if you just need a bottle of Jameson and want to shoot the shit with the owner. But hey, let’s get real. This is Brooklyn and I expect a perhaps smallish but exotic and carefully picked assortment of well priced, worldly wines.

And this is what you get at Smith & Vine, the only store in this whole area that has truly sent me out the door murmuring a Cartman-like “sweeeet” with a happy jaunt in my step. You can tell the quality selection here by the lovingly labeled descriptions placed on each bottle coupled with the fact that there isn’t overwhelming amounts of dusty inventory stacked to the ceilings. Plus, the friendly staff always seems to be drinking and that can only be good, right?

S&V’s single best feature is the “10$ and under” table, which is the store’s centerpiece. One side is dedicated to reds and the other side white, with about ten bottles on each side. It’s tough to go wrong here, and I made it my beeswax for a whole year to try out as many as I could. For me, it sealed S&V’s spot as “most kick-ass wine shop in Carroll Gardens.”

smithandvine.jpg

Another advantage of S&V is their sister cheese shop “Stinky” located across the street. These shops are totally in sync, and everyone knows what’s up. This really makes things easy when you’re shopping for Wine & Cheese night. Stinky’s got some great stuff, and also sells crackers, quince paste, cured meats (Christ, they have “guanciale”) and duck confit. Those close to me know I believe ducks to be a superior species.

Smith and Vine
268 Smith Street
(718) 243-2864

Pros:

  • The 10$ and under table is a Brooklyn landmark.
  • Wine selection is given a lot of care and well labeled
  • Great opening hours
  • Sister cheese store across the street
  • Excellent website

Cons:

  • The staff’s a bit jaded, but it might be ‘cause they’re drunk all the time.

You Can’t Go Wrong With: Domaine De La Batardière (white) – a crisp , dry and flavorful Muscadet from the Loire Valley (France, genius), this is the ultimate summer wine and perfect for that romantic picnic in Prospect Park or just a booze-soaked Sunday.

Read Full Post »

All this steak talk has inspired me to bring to the table one of the hottest foodie topics right now: the pairing of food with cocktails. Here’s a great drink our resident mixologist has sacrificed an afternoon of work to bring you…the Basil Mojito. (Yes, we merely replaced mint with basil).

Ingredients:

Bacardi Limon (Regular Bottle or Handle)
Basil Leaves
Limes
Club Soda
Sugar

Method:

In a rocks glass, drop in 1 quartered lime, a small handful of fresh basil leaves, and one large tablespoon of granulated sugar. We prefer to do the whole thing in a big punch bowl, in which case you multiply all the ingredients by 10.

With a muddler, or a wooden spoon, muddle (i.e. “smash”) the hell out of the ingredients. The sugar will help macerate the lime and get all the juice out, and result in a nice layer of thick greenish syrup on the bottom. For the glass, fill with with ice and proceed to pour in Bacardi Limon light rum until there is only a half inch left of room left. Mix using a shaker or a pint glass. Top off with a splash of club soda, stick in a straw and enjoy. The straw will stop the basil from getting stuck in your teeth. If using the big punch bowl, just pour in the whole handle of rum and add a 12oz bottle of club soda. Mix.

If you really want to impress , slice a cucumber into thin wheels and use as a garnish on the side of the glass. Make sure you fill your glass with ice before every refill.

Warning: This drink will make your guests VERY sociable, and you’ll truly be damned at just how much quasi-straight liquor you can actually drink. It’s really quite remarkable.

Read Full Post »

After a long day at the Met game, some of us were just looking for a way to unwind last night. It was quickly decided that we all needed to let our hair down, forget the troubles of the world, and get to some orderly – if excessive – competitive drinking. And so we began the first game of Asshole I’ve played since college. It was a doozy.

In case you are not as painfully familiar with the game as I am, you can look it up for yourself because it is too complicated to explain. It had a lot in common with the Brooklyn Brewery Beer Tasting, in that it involved a lot of beer and a terrifyingly drunk Johnb. It differed only in the amount of swearing, rules and playing cards involved.

About an hour in, the game devolved into some sort of fantasy/role-playing drama as one president reigned over the rest of us. She doled out drinks like other unelected leaders dole out summary executions or questionable intelligence. We curried her favor by slinging praise and adulation at her. We undercut our opponents with cruel moves and mandatory drinking. That’s the thing with this game – it encourages the very worst in its players. Normally generous, gregarious individuals reveal themselves to be sniveling brown-nosers whose only real skill is torturing those who are arbitrarily ranked lower than they are. It’s like Risk with livers.

Pros:

  1. Encourages swearing, drunkenness and other underrated activities.
  2. Less complicated than poker.
  3. Invites discussion of civic infrastructure, economic mobility and democratic principles.
  4. Involves trivia questions from time to time.

Cons:

  1. Brings out the asshole in everyone, so to speak.

Read Full Post »

Everybody with a pair of currently or formerly active gonads knows about sexual desire. It is a near-universal experience, the invisible clause on one’s birth certificate stipulating that one will, upon reaching maturity, feel the urge to engage in activities often associated with the issuance of more birth certificates.”

*   *   *

Dear New York Times,

Please stop making me want to kill myself so early in the morning.

Many gonads,
Brooklyn Skeptic

Read Full Post »

Reck: Watched some “Degrassi.”
Johnbme: That’s good.
Johnbme: They air that show on the N network. That and “My So-Called Life.”
Johnbme: But I hate both Claire Danes and Jared Leto now. Ruins it.
Johnbme: I’m forced to root for Brian Krakow.
Reck: I love Krakow.
Johnbme: Of course you do. I, like most 13 year olds, hated him. He had no backbone.
Reck: I love him.
Johnbme: He would do anything for Angela even though she’d use him…all the time.
Johnbme: Like when she took his bike.
***
Johnbme: But too bad Jared Leto is like the biggest douche now.
Reck: Is he?
Johnbme: Talking to you is like talking to an alien.

Are there still people, aside from Recklesley, who don’t know the god awful human being Jared Leto has become? Although, this a-hole side of Jared may not be new, actually. I remember reading a “Details” interview with J-Leto when I was in 6th grade, and feeling let down by the fact that he was not exactly like Jordan Catalano. In that, he wasn’t illiterate, and didn’t write songs about his car, Red. But also because he seemed like a jerk. Yeah, I said it, a jerk. He exuded extreme pompousness, which must’ve been pretty present if I could pick up on it when I was 12, and he also stated that his biggest nightmare was to appear on “The Jay Leno Show.” Lame. And while he still hasn’t been a guest on the Tonight Show, he’s appeared on “Late Night with Carson Daly” not once, but twice. (To all celebrities: If you say something in an interview, and I read this interview, I will remember it. And I will call you out on your boldface hypocrisy…in this blog. Which you will definitely read.)

Speaking of Carson Daly, have you seen him lately? I’m worried.

Anyway, back to Jared, I’d like to discuss his recent transformation from quasi-normal, sort of jerkface, hottie-hot-hot…to weird, goth, ass.

Here is old Jared.

Here is new Jared.

Here is fat Jared.

He’s not fat anymore. He gained that weight for a role. But isn’t that weird? He looks like a different person. Anyway, as you can see, Jared has changed from his 1995 self. But I suppose we all have. However, I feel as though most of us, humans, have with the years become better people. But judging by this article, involving Leto’s uncontrollable temper, Elijah Wood, and some strangling, it’s clear Jared L. has only regressed back to a childlike behavior of physical violence, and whining.

Another example of Leto’s gross behavior– a recent quote from Jimmy Kimmel:
“[Jared Leto] was so insufferably satisfied with himself that I wanted to strangle him.”

– Talk show host and funnyman Jimmy Kimmel tells Stuff magazine, when asked if he ever had to hide his disdain for a guest.

I, coincidentally, caught this episode of Jimmy Kimmel. You should try to watch it on youtube, if it hasn’t already been taken down. At least try to see Leto’s “band,” 30 Seconds to Mars perform. It’s great. At one point Leto reaches out the microphone into the crowd, assuming audience members have memorized the lyrics to his song. I think the song was titled, “I Love Myself.” I suppose there may have been a few people who participated in the impromptu 30 Seconds to Mars Bars karaoke. But I can only assume they were either die-hard MSCL fans, or the type of people who can watch “Requiem for a Dream” more than once.

So, there it is. The top however many reasons on why Jared Leto is the worst. Hope you enjoyed this useless entry.

PS Here is the new Claire Danes Gap commercial. Just one of the many reasons why she is my most hated actress.

Read Full Post »