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Posts Tagged ‘The Pussycat Dolls’

“The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do…For example, I can let you drown, but I can’t bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?”

The immortal words quoted above were uttered by all of our favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow, in all of our favorite pirate movie, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, a.k.a. Pirates 1. In this scene, Captain Jack is trying to explain to Will Turner, nascent pirate, the essential truth of piratehood: you can only trust a pirate to do what’s in his own best interest in the moment without regard to promises, alliances, or interpersonal relationships.

Like me, some of you may have watched Pirates 3 this weekend. Also like me, some others may have read a few reviews about the film. Many of the reviews I read (I only read one) pointed to a real shitshow of conflicting plot lines which made the movie virtually impenetrable for the mind of a grown person. I totally agree with this claim, but I still think this was the best of the three Pirates movies. I think the real problem is the general public’s inability to deal with the intricacies of pirate culture.

At World’s End featured more alliance-switching than a bunch of gypsies playing Risk. There were three or four general sides – two competing pirate factions, the Navy and then an occasional personal grouping (like lovers, or people trying to lift curses, etc.). So that’s already kind of confusing. As the story progresses, the pirate factions join and separate, individuals make pacts with the Navy or another pirates, and then all of those promises are repeatedly broken, repaired and then rended again. It’s zany!

But this is not a symptom of poor story telling. It is simply art imitating pirate life. As I mentioned earlier, a pirate can only ensure acting in his own best interest. There’s nothing you can do about it. It’s just how pirates are. And clearly the pirate scholars who wrote this movie, or at least provided consulting services, were trying to express this cultural phenomenon. And if it confused you, well, I guess that just makes you a bad pirate.

Savvy?

Pirates trying to out-pirate each other.

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Last night at around 8:15pm, I, along with a few other Brooklyn Skeptics, decided that it was time for our weekly Sunday evening booze binge. We’re drunks. Except that in fact, I did not drink anything so I suppose I’m not a drunk. Only the days I choose to drink vodka out of my 32oz polycarbonate water bottle, do I consider myself a quasi alcoholic.

Just kidding. I can get *Liza Minelli’d from simply sniffing an open bottle of liquor. Unlike many of my fellow Brooklyn Skeptics, my alcohol tolerance does not equate to an entire keg of Keystone Light. But it’s good. It means I’m a cheap date.

Anyway, after a brief pow-wow we, the Team, decided to make our way over to Bar Reis. It’s nice at Bar Reis. A pretty tight upper level (by tight I don’t mean “off the hook,” but rather, “claustrophobic”), however the basement provides ample space (for a less than huge crowd), a pool table, jukebox, board games, couches, and an outdoor garden. Very pleasant.

Bar Reis is interesting though. There is no set standard as for the type of patronage Reises Pieces brings in. A pretty eclectic mix of people, I’d say. Here, I’ll explain: In one corner was the single guy hoarding two sets of couches as he watched a basketball game on tv, I hated him. In another corner were some hipsters celebrating a birthday, or something (whatever). In the third corner was me, and some other (Brooklyn Skeptic) people. And in the last open space, taking up both the pool table and jukebox were a group of European ladies. These ladies, these ladies were loud. And weird. While dodging their pool ques, and discotheque ready outfits (they hurt my eyes), we concluded that suddenly, we were swimming in a sea of about 10 au pairs. We surmised they were all employed through the same agency and decided to go wild on this Sunday evening, their day off. Also discussed were the prerequisites for attaining an au pair position:

1. Willingness to sleep with Hedge fund investor father.

We realized that’s probably the only prereq. But it’s a good one.

Shortly after the European invasion, we gathered our belongings and made our way over to the outdoor patio. It was nice from that point on.

In the end, I enjoy Bar Reis. Sure some of its customers aren’t familiar with American customs and blast The Pussycat Dolls from the jukebox, but I’d take loud European women over loud American hipsters any day.

*Liza Minelli’d: A term used to illustrate an incredibly drunk, well sung woman.

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