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Posts Tagged ‘The Nines’

Death Sentence: Kevin Bacon seeks revenge on a group of street thugs with the power of….dance! No, he actually brutally kills them or something I think, but wouldn’t it be better if he got the message across by moving his feet and gyrating his hips to the sounds of Kenny Loggins? From James Wan, the director of Saw, comes this update on vengeance movies like Death Wish. Next Kevin Bacon should go after the assholes who plan to remake Footloose with Zac Efron. This is playing at the United Artists on Court Street.

Halloween: While I normally get pissed about remakes of horror movies, this one involves Rob Zombie. As a fan of House of 1000 Corpses and the sequel Devil’s Rejects, I’m looking forward to this update of the John Carpenter slasher classic. Starring every fun C-list actor from Danny Trejo to Clint Howard, this movie promises to be more fun than any of the Halloween sequels (especially Season of the Witch, which didn’t even have a Michael Myers character). This is playing at United Artists on Court Street and the Park Slope Pavilion.

Balls of Fury: I’m guessing that there is a handbook floating around Hollywood on how to make a conventional, successful and unfunny comedy. Judging by the trailer for Balls of Fury, the creators must have read it cover to cover. It includes such obvious points as:

  • Take an unusual sport and use it to spoof sports comedies.
  • Make a lot of jokes about race and homosexuality.
  • Have your protagonist be a tacky slob who still lives in the past (it’s better to laugh at characters than with them, apparently).
  • Get Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant (who also wrote The Pacifier, Night at the Museum and Herbie: Fully Loaded) to forget the wonderful comedy they used to be a part of in exchange for writing broad, cliched humor.
  • Host a competition to determine the dumbest thing you can write that will sound funny coming out of Christopher Walken’s mouth purely because he is Christopher Walken.
  • Employ George Lopez.
  • Dick jokes. Looootts of dick jokes.

This is playing at the Park Slope Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

The Nines: I saw the trailer for this recently, and didn’t really get what I was watching. The film is getting a lot of hype because it is the feature length directorial debut of screenwriter John August. He’s written some good movies (Go, Corpse Bride) and some bad ones (Charlie’s Angels, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). The film is divided into three stories and stars Ryan Reynolds and Hope Davis. It’s probably best to wait for reviews before gambling on this one. It’s playing at the Landmark Sunshine.

Ladron que Roba a Ladron: This Spanish film tells the story of two thieves who try to rob an infomercial guru. While I don’t know a whole lot about it, I’ve watched the trailer and it looks like a fun heist movie. It’s also being released by Lion’s Gate in the United States, who have a great reputation for releasing interesting movies that most studios won’t touch. The trailer is here. This is playing at Cobble Hill Cinemas, the United Artists on Court Street and CC Village East Cinemas.

Self-Medicated: While this movie looks depressing as hell, it has also won awards at twenty five (!) different film festivals since 2005. The film deals with a seventeen year old kid who becomes addicted to various drugs and acts out when sentenced to a correctional facility by his also-addicted mother. The cast consists of mostly unknowns, including Monty Lapica who plays the main character (he also wrote and directed). This is my pick of the week. It’s playing at Quad Cinemas.

Exiled: I’ve never seen a Johnny To movie, but he’s been called “the Jerry Bruckheimer of Hong Kong.” While I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a really bad one, I also know people that swear by him. The film chronicles the lives of several hitmen living in 1998 Macau. It’s playing at Angelika.

Aside from that, Tom DiCillo’s new movie Delirious is playing at the Brooklyn Heights Cinema, The Princess Bride has been rescheduled to tonight at Brooklyn Bridge Park (thanks, Greg) and John Turturro has announced that he will release Romance & Cigarettes out of his own pocket at Film Forum on September 7th.

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