Posts Tagged ‘Safe Sex’

New York Magazine can be counted on to cover the hard-hitting issues that affect New Yorkers most deeply. This week, in the Sex and Love issue, the magazine went the extra mile to discover how incredibly nasty New Yorkers are. There was an article about the politics of MILFhood, another about hipsters talking about their bedroom steez, and, my favorite, The Sex Diaries, wherein “regular” New Yorkers write down every sexual encounter or thought they have in one week. No wonder 40,000 people in New York have Chlamydia. I think most of those cases were personally distributed by the people profiled this week.

For the sake of full disclosure, I am of the opinion that too much sex leads to insanity, baldness, hairy palms, stuttering and dirty sheets. But I’m willing to concede that an enormous amount of fucking can be a healthy part of a balanced lifestyle. You know, just not my lifestyle. Or the lifestyle of anyone I know. And if I did know people who did what these people do, I would probably need to don a glove to shake their hands. I’m like, since when did “polyamorous” become a familiar adjective? It’s not even in my spellcheck.

So I thought I would just throw my sex diary out there. So everyone else would feel better about theirs.

The Cynical Blogger: female, 23, proletarian, Park Slope, single.

Saturday: Team of five male friends surrounded me at all times, preventing all possibility of a hook up.
Sunday: Nothing.
Monday: Watched Mets game.
Tuesday: Nothing.
Wednesday: Got groped on the subway.
Thursday: Played bocce with a very hot man, who may or may not have been part of the Aryan Underground Bocce League.
Friday: Nothing.

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Everybody with a pair of currently or formerly active gonads knows about sexual desire. It is a near-universal experience, the invisible clause on one’s birth certificate stipulating that one will, upon reaching maturity, feel the urge to engage in activities often associated with the issuance of more birth certificates.”

*   *   *

Dear New York Times,

Please stop making me want to kill myself so early in the morning.

Many gonads,
Brooklyn Skeptic

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j-train.gifz-train.gifm-train.gif You pretty much know what you’re getting with the JZM Condom. It’s mostly in Brooklyn, but there’s a quick in and out through Manhattan.

4-train.gif5-train.gif The 4/5 Condom is smooth and efficient. It’ll get you there fast and it hardly ever breaks.

airtrain.gif  The AirTrain Condom is just like all the other condoms, but more expensive, modern and confusing. Give yourself at least two hours per use.

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nyccondom1.jpgAlarmed that some people didn’t know about this, I decided it is essential I throw down a little FYI for the good people of New York City.

NYC is distributing a projected 18 million free, NYC-branded condoms, available all over the place. Right now, the locations look a little Manhattan-heavy, but the other boroughs are well represented. I found some at Welcome to the Johnsons. My roommate found some at those crazy Manhattan clubs.

So, as the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene says, “Get Some.” You know you want New York City all up on your gear.

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