Posts Tagged ‘Quarterlife’

Oh my god, this show is so bad. Did you watch it? Because I did. And I want my money back. I want NBC to reimburse me for my hour that is now forever lost.

I know “Quarterlife” doesn’t deserve any attention, but you know when something is so bad you have to talk about it? This is how I feel about “Quarterlife.” Hence, I will briefly go over the main points of the soon to be defunct show.

The protagonist, Dylan (a girl), exposes her roommates’ secrets on her video blog and something shocking happens, they find out. Chaos ensues.

Apparently while attending college Dylan lived in a closet, preventing her from ever witnessing the consequential shitstorm that occurs after someone discovers their roommate complains about them on their livejournal, I mean blog. Otherwise her naivety wouldn’t have her thinking no one reads or, I guess in her case, watches her blog. Anyway, this is basically what we, the viewers, find out from Dylan’s rantings:

Danny and Deborah are a couple.

Deborah and Danny

But Jed is in love with Deborah.


But Dylan is in love with Jed.


But Andy wants to sleep with Dylan.


And no one cares about the slutty alcoholic actress.


That’s basically it. The entire series. Right there.

I know you’re thinking that there must be at least one redeemable aspect of the show. Like the dialogue. Maybe the dialogue makes up for .25life’s bad plot lines. Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

[Here’s a playful scene between Jed and Deb where they’re throwing some disgusting mayonnaise at each other. Remember, Jed wants to share his life with Deb. And now Deb knows this. But she’s with Danny. So things are awkward. Enjoy.]

Deb: YOU are disgusting
Jed: I’m disgusting?
Deb: Yes.
Deb: You disgust me.
Jed: Well you know what, YOU disgust ME.
Deb: I do?
Jed: Absolutely.
Deb: Why do I disgust you?
Jed: You don’t disgust me.
Deb: Then why did you say I disgust you?
Jed: Because I always speak in opposites.
Deb: So, I don’t disgust you?
Jed: No.
Jed: You fill me with….
Deb: With what?
Jed: Longing.

Deb: Oh, Jed.
Jed: Shut up, Debra.
Deb: I can’t shut up.
Jed: I don’t want you to.
Deb: You don’t?
Jed: I love your voice too much.

SO good. I wonder if this script was written during the writer’s strike, so NBC sought out someone random to write this scene. And that random person was me. In 6th grade. Because these lines are eerily similar to a scene of a play I wrote with a friend in junior high. I’m just saying. I no longer keep in touch with this person, and she has the original copy.

But seriously. NBC? Directors? Producers? Did you not see the show before it aired? When shooting did you not think to yourself, “Maybe we should rethink some of these lines, and the overall plot. Because, I’m just going to put it out there, this show sucks.”

I simply don’t understand. WHY ARE YOU SO BAD, “QUARTERLIFE”?

Oh well. On the upside, this frees up one more hour a week on my DVR. Which I need. To make room for all those IFC movies I intend to record but will never watch.


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NBC premieres its new series, “Quarterlife,” tonight at 10p.m. I’m hooked already. It’s produced by the same people who brought us “My So-Called Life” and “thirtysomething.” Wonderful.

Not much is known about “Quarterlife,” but given its title and its producers, I think we can make the assumption that this series will include one super hot guy, one nerd, a smart female, a hot chick who may be battling a learning disability, and a whole lot of angst. However, judging from the photo below, this initial character analysis may be off…or completely on point. Let’s find out, shall we?

The Cast

Well, it’s obvious who the “nerd” is. However, I think we all know this man is no nerd. He is a hipster. He’s sad though. He cannot look at the camera. Don’t stare at him; he wants to be left alone.

The other two male characters, well, they make me think no “super hot guy” exists on this show after all. Unless…it’s that man in the middle? The one gazing directly into our eyes? He who does not shy away from eye contact is considered confident and is therefore, successful with women. So, are we together here? By process of elimination, man in middle = hot one?

I’d prefer avoiding discussion of the final guy altogether, but it is my duty to unjustly characterize everyone in this photo. So, let me begin by criticizing his off centered sweatshirt that edges on Jennifer Beals territory, and how it makes me uncomfortable. Fix your shirt, man. You look weak. Amplifying these awkward feelings (felt by me)– his yearning over the female next to him. This is reminiscent of Brian Krakow’s unrequited affection for Angela. I could barely deal with a 15 year-old Krakow, I do not want to know the pain of witnessing him at 25.

Now, the women. Starting from the left, this girl looks like she has dealt with an eating disorder at some point. She went to rehab, and is slowly coming to accept herself and her looks. She hides behind her long, hippie-esque hair and is unsure of her place in life. She needs guidance. I want to help her.

Blondie looks fun. But also looks like she might take herself too seriously. (White cardigans are a telltale sign of uptight behavior.) However, She enjoys drinking with her girlfriends and can laugh at a good joke. Until a quip is made about her rich background. She finds no humor in jokes about money or, her idol, Kate Hudson.

Then we have a smart, laid back, anxious about life, beautiful brunette disguised in a raggedy sweatshirt and old (navy) jeans. While attending a prestigious college she thought the world was her oyster, but once thrust into the real world after graduation she comes to the hard realization that no amount of schooling can prepare you for this thing we call…life. Hence, we will watch her character progress from a self doubting 20-something afraid of failure, to a successful professional at an established publishing firm.

Okay, seriously, I have no idea what this show is about. But there are six characters, all around the age of 25, who I think live in Southern California. I doubt this show will make it past its first season. Shows revolving around post-college adults rarely last. I’m sure it has to do with no one from an older crowd being interested in reliving those first couple years out of college, since most of us spent that time either confused or clinically depressed. And the younger crowd just want to watch shows like “Gossip Girl.” And I can’t blame them for that, since “Gossip Girl” is the BEST SHOW ON TELEVISION, EVER.

I’m still tuning in tonight, though.

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