Politicians + Celebs = BFF

Celebrities have a lot of money. They also like getting political. These two things go together well. A list of celebrity donations was released and, I know, it’s a surprise: most money was given to Democratic candidates.

To start, Hillary made a killing. Everyone from Fran Drescher to Tom Hanks opened their wallet to Mrs. Clinton, dishing out thousands. Hell even Pauly Shore and George Takei donated a grand apiece. Tobey Maguire, with plenty of SpiderMan cash to throw around, gave the legal limit ($4600). Then, there’s Chris Dodd. Poor, poor Chris Dodd. You know your campaign isn’t going too well when all you’ve got is the guy from Third Rock from the Sun and someone named Christy Romano, who is listed as the “voice of Kim Possible.”

Next up, John Edwards scored a good amount, most notably $500 from Oliver Stone, which seems a little strange. I would have guessed he’d give money to Gravel. In fact, the two seem so delightfully loony that one would think they were related. Mike Gravel however, got $700 from Mark Ruffalo, shaving a couple hundred off of the ninety bagillion dollars of debt he’s in. Obama kicked a little ass, even getting the Tom Skerritt donation. As we all know, Tom Skerritt has an incredible influence over the United States. As Skerritt votes, so does the nation. In the political world, this is called the “Skerritt Pull.”

Kucinich gets several actors, including Rosario from Will & Grace (Shelley Morrison), the woman no one liked on Baywatch (Alexandra Paul) , someone from Days of Our Lives (Deirdre Hall) and Hector Elizondo, the prostitute-friendly hotel owner from Pretty Woman. Bill Richardson scored big bucks, definitely getting the “old Hollywood” vote with people like Michael Douglas, Paul Newman, William Friedkin and James L. Brooks.

And finally, Pauly from Sopranos and Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie gave to Giuliani. Meanwhile, all Republican candidates other than Giuliani have not received a dime in donations from anyone, and are collectively breaking open their piggy banks and checking couch cushions for loose change.

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2008 Election Update for Girls

I have already expressed my ceaseless, violent anger at the terms “Daddy Party” and “Mommy Party,” but now political gendering has gone a step further. Salon.com posted an article last week called “Hillary is from Mars, Obama is from Venus,” which basically argued that Obama is a bigger girl than Hillary Clinton, despite the fact that she has ovaries. Admittedly, Brooklyn Skeptic is guilty of regularly reinforcing gender stereotypes, but we’re just trying to be cute. The rest of the world is not cute.

Michael Scherer writes for Salon.com,

Throughout history, American presidents have been men’s men who puff their out chests against evil. Think Teddy Roosevelt on safari, Jack Kennedy in PT-109, Ronald Reagan on his horse, or George W. Bush with a chain saw clearing brush. If leaders show any slackening of testosterone, especially in wartime, they are quickly derided as wimps (George H.W. Bush), a Frenchman (John Kerry) or weaklings (Jimmy Carter). But on the Democratic campaign trail these days, where the first woman in U.S. history is making a serious run at the White House, gender roles are being swapped.

He cites Clinton’s tough-as-nails demeanor and Obama’s exultation to dream together as evidence of their misplaced genders.

I think we’re all just missing the boat here and being lazy with our lexicon. A person who believes he or she should rightfully be the president of the United States is going to have a particular set of personality traits that are not necessarily common in all people. These traits, I suppose, would be a dominant personality, with some delusions of grandeur, egoism, ambition and obstinance. One could also rightly suspect that the candidate would be uncommonly intelligent, personable, charismatic, and good looking. However, these second-ranked traits are not required to be president, and are easier to fake with the right staff.

As our political arena becomes ever-so-slightly more accessible to non-white-and-male Americans each year, we are beginning to see that these traits are exclusive neither to one gender nor to one racial background. Politicians, like members of every other profession that I can think of, can be basically anyone, assuming they have the above mentioned personality traits. So when Scherer talks about the flipped gender roles of the leading democratic candidates, Obama and Clinton, he, too, is being lazy. Scherer quotes Clinton saying that she is “not running because [she is] a woman. [She is] running because [she thinks she is] the best qualified and experienced person to hit the ground running in January 2009.” While Scherer interprets this as another masculine move, downplaying her femininity and underscoring her ambition (so unladylike), I see this as just another example of the presidential power trait (patent pending, jerk). Clinton believes she knows a better way and she thinks she should lead the county there.

Scherer shows Obama

[Singing] an empowerment ballad on the stump that would make most lady folk singers proud. “The decision to go to war is not a sport,” he tells crowds, rejecting the male metaphor. “We can discover the better part of ourselves as a nation,” he says. “We can dream big dreams.”

Sadly, under all of this inflammatory gender comparison (singing vs. sports), what is ignored is the actual power behind his words. While he isn’t clearing brush or womanizing, he’s calling for revolution of our political system. I don’t know if that’s “feminine,” but it certainly betrays his presidential power trait. He also knows a better way. He thinks he should be the one to lead the U.S. out of this shitshow we’re in. There’s no way that any of this is masculine or feminine. This is nothing but total politician. We need a third gender when we’re talking about politicians. Maybe it’s the presence of two assholes instead of typical male or female genitals.

So what? So maybe we should start listening to the actual ideas and strategies and stop trying to put every fucking thing into these circumscribed categories of acceptable gender behavior. No Mommy Party and Daddy Party. No bitch. No man’s man. No brush clearing. No Indigo Girls.

**Update: Scherer responds to readers tearing him a new one…

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Today in Useless Politics

Former Senator Rick Santorum, most notable for having this named after him (every “compassionate” conservative’s wet dream!), has recently been in the papers yet again. Despite the widespread disgust he garnered (as Bob Kerrey once said, “Santorum – that’s Latin for asshole”) and his loss of the 2006 Senate race, the man has still found ways to get in the news. The latest? He’s making movies. What are they about? Three Iranian brothers, one of whom becomes a terrorist. Who better to make a movie about that? Only in Pittsburgh!

On the other side of the spectrum, Hillary Clinton has finally chosen a campaign song. I know that we here at Brooklyn Skeptic have all been waiting with bated breath since she announced her nominees. And now she’s chosen a winner! But first, please, sit through this Sopranos spoof thing where she and Bill “I had my money on Smash Mouth” Clinton attempt to be funny. And the winner is? Celine Dion’s “You and I.” What better way to capture the hearts and minds of the American youth by using a Canadian pop star from ten years ago! Sign me up, I want to be a Hillraiser!

And finally, way to go Antonin Scalia for being yet another conservative to mention the show “24” and Jack Bauer. First it was Tom Tancredo, who was quoted saying “You say that nuclear devices have gone off in the United States, more are planned, and we’re wondering about whether waterboarding would be a bad thing to do? I’m looking for Jack Bauer at that time!” And now Justice Scalia has joined the Kiefer Sutherland fan club, stating “Jack Bauer saved Los Angeles” and “Are you going to convict Jack Bauer?” Now that I know that a former cast member of The Lost Boys can have such an effect on world politics, can I vote that we start listening to the Coreys more often?

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Rufus Wainwright: My Nay Messiah

Due to my being incredibly ill and full of expectorant, I will make this rebuttal short and sweet.

1. I believe my main argument was that Rufus Wainwright loves himself too much. And I think I’m still right.

2. I was raised Catholic and never felt the want or need to “anoint the risen Messiah with [my] love juices.” So this is not an impulse we all share. And yes, you caught me, my pen name might be a reflection of my thinking I am God’s son. However, I think we all know this is because the Lord used to beat me during my 9 years at Catholic school, so my “name” is paying homage to the big G more than anything else. As he is, my father.

3. You are allowed to think Beyonce sucks. Wainwright is allowed to think Beyonce sucks. Jay-Z is allowed to think Beyonce sucks. But don’t make it seem like you’re above mainstream and modern day media. Especially if you’re a fan of Perez Hilton.

SPIN: Do you read PerezHilton.com?

Wainwright: I think Perez actually likes me, which I don’t want to change. So please be kind.

So apparently when Wainwright is talking about low standards in the media, he’s not counting the paparazzi whores who have made their fortunes off of posting candid celebrity photos that feed into the public’s obsession with current pop culture. (I personally am a fan of Perez, but I am also a fan of Beyonce and… “The Simple Life.” Wainwright didn’t outwardly express disdain for “Life” but I imagine he thinks it, “formulaic and produced in a way that’s utterly mesmerizing in the basest way.” That is my new favorite quote, fyi.)

4. “Oh What a World” is a great song. I agree. But as sugarham already pointed out, Wainwright’s rendition of “Hallelujah” is nothing but a carbon copy of Jeff Buckley’s, what I consider to be, masterpiece…even if that too was a cover. But more importantly, four or five good songs does not warrant such arrogance, I don’t think it does anyway. Unless you’re Justin Timberlake. (The man can do no wrong, in my eyes.) Or, for credibility’s sake, genius bands like Radiohead and Do Make Say Think.

5. Writing an opera or not, Wainwright is still a pretentious douche, like the man found below.

(Pretentious Douche)

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