Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘No’

The Times bestsellers
Nicholas Sparks, number 2.
This just in: schmaltz sells.

rain + great hair = timeless prose

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Too Much of a Good Thing?

So even though I don’t have one, I love TV. Obviously. I would not be who I am today if not for TV. None of us would.

girl-tv.jpg

Banksy loves TV too.

But as hard as I try to embrace technology as it infiltrates my simple life, sometimes I encounter a situation that makes it hard to unabashedly embrace the boob (tube, that is).

This morning I went to the dentist. In their lobby they have a huge flat screen that is always showing vivid undersea explorations set to Enya, with informational captions at the bottom of the screen. After I was treated to the sperm ejections of a giant clam, I was called into the dentist’s office.

For some deeply ironic reason, since I stopped eating most processed sugar products this year, I have gotten LOADS of cavities. Damn natural licorice always gets caught in my teeth. Ew. No. But really. Lots of cavities. So in this, my final and certainly not first trip-to-get-fillings this year, I came prepared.

I said, “Hey dentist lady, I am going to put on my iPod so you can do whatever you want with the TV.”

That’s right, because there’s a TV in the examining room too! Now, I know that might seem like a great idea, but remember what it’s like to be in the dentist’s chair? That goddamn light in your eyes? You can’t see shit except the neck hair of your good doctor. But you can hear the dulcet tones of Christmas commercials, the golden retriever puppies playing over the Dirt Devils as they throb in time to your Novocained gum.

So okay, whatever, she didn’t turn it off. I don’t care. I am content listening to Ira Glass recount various tales of this lovely country of ours. I close my eyes.

And every now and then, I open them again. In my peripheral I see tools and devices sticking out of my mouth, the aide wielding that filling-dryer that may or may not project toxic light? The staff puts on protective goggles but I lay vulnerable on the other end. Do I see their eyes, reassuring and steady, guiding these potentially dangerous materials around my delicate oral orifice?

Um, no. I see the sides of their slack jaws as they STARE up at the TV! I know it’s hard to look away! It’s impossible even! But you know what? They used to think that repairing a tooth was impossible and the only way to get rid of a cavity was to yank the whole thing out! And we’ve progressed away from there. So I am here to stand up and say NO! It is NOT impossible to look away from the TV, especially if your JOB is to be facing in literally the OPPOSITE direction, pointing DRILLS and NEEDLES into my mouth!

Seriously? You seriously were watching TV when you were supposed to be filling my cavities? If you can’t look away then TURN IT THE FUCK OFF!

Read Full Post »

Just wanted to call attention to my new favorite word (thank you so much for all you give us, Gawker): emosogynistic.

Re: Dude’s behavior who sees cute girl on subway then goes home and blogs about it on hotsubwaychicks.blogspot.com. Do not be disappointed when you click on this link and there are no busty gals with 12″ subs. I know Jared was.

From the site (editor’s notes in italics):

So this platform (ha! like a subway platform) will (be) for me to call out girls I saw on the train that I think are hot, if they come across their posting I made of them then they can totally hit me up and we’ll go out for coffee, talk, laugh, and hopefully make out and other things….I may draw pictures still not too sure on that one will get back to you there but it will come together somehow. No I’m not really as creepy and masagenistic as I made this out (phew), it just makes for good blogging. Watch out for the first hot chick for me to come across, it may be you 😉 (almost as gross as a real life wink)

I’m a little worried at the idea that just because all of the 20-something boys grew up listening to emo, that they have to internalize the craze and really live the lyrics to a New Found Glory song.

The needle on my record player has been wearing thin
This record has been playing since the day you’ve been with him
No more long rides home
No more of your station
I didn’t like it anyways
Remember the time we wrote our names upon the wall
Remember the time we realized “Thriller” was our favorite song

God forbid he overhears HIStory playing on some girl’s ipod.

Read Full Post »

Ashley Olsen Dates Cyclist.

Ashley Olsen has a new, older man. The 21-year-old twin showed up to the Rose Bar at the Gramercy Park Hotel Monday night with Tory Burch’s ex, Lance Armstrong, 36. Our bar spy said, “They came together with a group of friends. Ashley drank red wine, sat on his lap and they were making out all night. They left together around 2 a.m.” Olsen’s rep didn’t return calls.

Um, no Ashley. No.

Read Full Post »