Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘My So Called Life’

Marilyn Manson, 38, has just announced that he is adopting 19 year old, Evan Rachel Wood. And by adopting, I mean they’re dating. Grossness. I do not understand. What is the Manson appeal? Does he not wear white face makeup with smeared turquoise eye shadow, with a pair of mismatched color contacts? Oh wait, that’s exactly what he wears.

Fine couple, these two make. Fine couple indeed.

I am ‘turbed by this. In 2003 Evan Rachel Wood, for those of you who don’t know, was in a film called “Thirteen.” In this film, Wood was cast as a thirteen year old because….she was a thirteen year old. Or, I suppose possibly fourteen at the time of filming. Either way, a young one she was. And this film, “Thirteen,” is what catapulted Wood’s career. (Although, in my book ABC’s “Once and Again” is what really placed Wood on the Hollywood map. Mischa Barton too, for that matter. These two played same sex 8th grade lovers on the show. It was groundbreaking. You probably think I’m joking, but I am being so dead serious, it’s not even funny.) Anyway, my point is that Marilyn Manson is dating a girl whose most notable film is called, “Thirteen.” Not because thirteen was her lucky number, or because the film centers around Friday the 13th, but because the movie’s focus is a thirteen year old girl. Now, had “Thirteen” been made in 1903, rather than 2003, then yes, perhaps this would all make a little more sense. As I’m sure we’d all be a little less shocked had Manson decided to move onto dating corpses rather than actual humans. But this is not the case. Wood is a normal (looking) blonde, and Manson dresses like the anti-christ. Crazy relationship.

Manson quote: “I’ve found my double, my twin, with my new girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood,” Manson tells France’s Le Parisien newspaper. “She’s l9 and certainly that’s very young,” he added, “but that’s not a problem for me. She likes the same things as me. She understands I like to get up when night falls and go to sleep at dawn.”

Someone should tell Marilyn sleeping in until dusk is a tell-tale sign of depression. They should also let him know he probably shouldn’t be dating someone who is (literally) half his age. Although, I think that’s what Manson’s all about, disregarding the public’s opinion of him, and having people think he’s Josh Saviano from the “Wonder Years.”

Therefore, nothing can be done about these two.

So, let us sit back and judge this new, weird couple. But if we’re judging these two, we should probably be judging all May-December relationships:

Brian Austin Green (33) & Megan Fox (19)– They’re engaged. Although, in his defense, Green still looks about 25. And, is probably just as dumb as his 19 year old fiance.

That’s actually the only relationship I can think of right now, good thing it’s such an amazing one.

Now, as an ending note, I would like to address the fact that M. Manson is actually very intelligent. In interviews he is incredibly articulate, down to earth, and engaging. However, that does not excuse the fact that he looks as though he belongs in a satanic cult. And is dating a 19 year old.

Read Full Post »

Reck: I’m writing a Jared Leto dissenting opinion right now.
Johnb: Excellent. Though, I don’t know how.
Reck: It’s too easy.
Johnb: How is that going to be easy? My arguments are rock solid.
Reck: Ha. You wish. I will take them apart like so many lincoln logs.
Johnb: Let the debate begin.

 

I hate to break this to you, Johnb, but Jordan Catalano is actually a huge jerk. Cute as an illiterate button, but a jerk. You say you were let down that Jared Leto was not exactly the same as Jordan Catalano, but he is, so you can start addressing that 12-year-old pain and move on.

You, like Angela, spent your time with him trying to imbue humanity into that sex-bomb lifeless shell of a boy. His incredibly beautiful eyes – like two puppies sleeping under his gently furrowed brow – lulled you into some kind of complacency that is completely against your normal nature. You hate everyone, Johnb. Remember? So while I’m not saying it’s possible for you to like either Jared or Jordan, I must insist that they are equally worthy of your ire, not one more than the next.

Let me draw your attention to several key points.

1. If you want to talk about the MSCL culture of teenage jerkhood, you’re going to want to compare the Jordan and Rayanne characters. They were both guilty of being pretty bad friends to Angela. They got her into trouble, used her and her stable home life, were flakey and inconsiderate, etc. HOWEVER, Rayanne has what I like to call a potential for humanity. She had her tragic flaws – addiction, weird hair – but she loved Angela and would have done anything for her. Jordan just wanted to take away her precious virginity. And that’s her flower, Johnb. Don’t you understand?

2. Jordan loved his car more than any human. This fact was made devastatingly clear during the episode when Angela thought the song “Red” was about her. Because she had brand new red hair. But he was actually talking about his car. Which was red. Because colors are stronger than feelings for him.

3. He had an imaginary friend, Tino.

Also, as it turns out, I take issue with your assertion that not wanting to be on The Jay Leno Show is pompous. I don’t want to be on Jay Leno and I hold a very low opinion of my self worth. You wouldn’t get that by how I ramble on about ridiculous things and expect other people to hang on my every word. But it’s true.

In conclusion, as much of a freaky jerk as Jared may be, he is exactly the same as that little (hot) pissant Jordan Catalano. So 12-year-old you needs to put a little thought into why she is so upset. I’m going to say it has something to do with being in Catholic school.

However, to be fair, don’t you just love the way he leans?

Read Full Post »