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Posts Tagged ‘Lindsay Lohan’

Half of the awesome things that are going on this weekend in Brooklyn are happening at BAM, the hottest cultural institution this side of Flatbush.

Awesome Thing #1: The BQE, composed and performed by Sujan Stevens

We talked about this earlier, and it remains pretty sweet looking. Mooseknuckle, Pizappas, Plainclothesman and someone else went last night. Imaginarydomain and I are going tonight. So, if it’s not obvious, all the cool kids are doing it. If you don’t have tickets already, you may be SOL because I hear all the smarmy Craigslisters are really reaming people on the scalped tickets.

It’s a three night engagement that began last night and will finish up tomorrow (Saturday) at BAM.

Awesome Thing #2: Takeover BAM!

BAM invites you to party artistically on Saturday night…all night. They have a bunch of bands, DJs, artists, movies and (apparently) burlesque performers. It sounds classy and fun! You’ll find me watching the Lindsay Lohan Mid Career Retrospective while sniffing paint thinner from a rag.

Awesome Thing #3: Pig Roast at Cherry Tree

Though you wouldn’t know it from their painfully un-updated website, The Cherry Tree is hosting its monthly pig roast this Saturday. I’m a vegetarian and this sounds horrendous to me, but the way my carnivorous friends talk about it, you’d think it was the second coming or something. So, go eat something that once loved. Go on. You brutes.

Awesome Thing #4: NYC Marathon

The Marathon is going right up 4th Avenue in Brooklyn, so I may try to roll out of bed and look at the people doing something productive with their lives on Sunday morning. Probably not though. More importantly, you can catch what seems to be miles of live music performances all along the course. But again, if you’re hip, 4th Avenue is where you’ll be. Lazy Brooklyners represent!

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Would you pay $15 to see a 4-film Lindsay Lohan “mid-career retrospective”? I definitely would.

Would you pay $15 to see 5 bands? (Antibalas, The Exit, Be Your Own Pet, Dirty on Purpose and the Heartless Bstards) … I definitely would.

How about $15 for both, plus DJs spinning all night, $3 beers and tons of other amazing crap going on following the last Sufjan Stevens performance at BAM on November 3rd…the only answer is YES, motherfucker. YES.

www.takeoverbam.org

for real.

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This week as a special treat, Weekend at the Movies is brought to you by pizappas, a Brooklyn Skeptic who doesn’t even have a TV. Look out for references to pop culture that I gleaned four years ago.

Elizabeth: The Golden Ages: I think this is a prequel to Cate Blanchett starring as the elf queen in LOTR. Right? No, I guess as queen of Scotland or something. Britainia? Anyway, one of my fave young adult novels growing up was about a young lady whose father was a low level bard in Queen Elizabeth’s England. I will brush up on that before I don’t go see this movie. I suggest you do the same. This is playing at the Pavilion and Cobble Hill Cinemas.

lotr elf queen

We Own the Night: Joaquin Phoenix and Mark Wahlberg star in the new genre of action-adventure movies that pretend not to be eye candy binges and are wrapped in the guise of a real plot. They are brothers that set out to protect their chief of police daddy from Russian mobsters. I guess somewhere along the way they buy the night. I didn’t know that the Russian mobsters owned the night. But I guess not anymore. This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

marky mark undies

The Final Season: Sean Astin. Sports. Hangdog team. Inspiration. Win one last season.

jesus baseball

prison art chris rock

Tyler Perry’s Why did I get Married?: Answer: because the woman in question is Miss Janet Jackson. No, but what’s the deal with movies that are about marriage whose title is phrased as a question? I guess the only other film in this burgeoning genre is Chris Rock’s I Think I Love My Wife. And I guess that’s not really a question with a question mark so much as a questioning statement. A statement with a questioning tone. Have I ever seen a Tyler Perry movie? In all honesty, no. But I do love Janet, and insightful commentaries on societal institutions like marriage. So maybe I’ll give this a shot, if I get a free pass (call me Mr. Perry). This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.
courtesy of prisonart.org

Control: A well done, depressing biopic of Joy Division front man Ian Curtis. Probably worth watching both for the music and the indie street cred. Make sure to wear your skinny jeans and American Apparel deep v tee. See it at Film Forum and not the craptacular Angelika.

vice fashion

life size

Lars and the Real Girl: Ryan Gosling talks frankly about his relationship with Alanis Morisette. Ha ha I’m just kidding. Ryan REYNOLDS (I get them confused sometimes) dated Alanis Morisette. Gosling stars in this movie where he buys a life-size inflatable sex doll and falls in love with her and thinks she’s real. I saw a Disney original movie once called Life Size starring a little girl named LiLo who loved her Barbie so much that she wished she would come to life and then she did and it was Tyra Banks! So I am wishing Ryan Gosling all the best on this one. If his creepy little mustache has anything to say about it, then I think things will work out for him in the end. This is playing at the Angelika.

King Corn: This is a documentary about 2 dudes who decide that their way to contribute to the growing movement of awareness about where our food comes from is to buy a super small plot of farmland and grow some corn. But they don’t do it in any hippie dippie way, they do it just like the real commodity farmers do. I saw a sneak preview of this one a few months back and it’s definitely worth seeing. If the Michael Pollans and self-righteous Greenmarket shoppers don’t appeal to you, this is a good intro to the ways the government impacts our food supply. This is playing at Cinema Village.

cornholio

Sleuth: Yahoo! Movies writes: The updated story of a wealthy writer of detective stories, and an aspiring yet out-of-work actor who is having an affair with the writer’s wife. The writer’s exquisitely modernized Georgian manor, becomes the backdrop for a cat and mouse game that pits one creative mind against another.
I like this because everything is backward! How could an actor who has ASPIRATIONS be out of work? He aspires, YET does not succeed. Already I know that this movie (or the blurb writer for yahoo) is well grounded in reality. The misplaced comma in the second sentence lets me know that it’s probably the blurb writer’s fault. This stars Michael Caine (of Secondhand Lions, Miss Congeniality, and the Muppet Christmas Carol fame) and Jude Law (of nannysexgate fame). This is playing at the Sunshine.

xmas

Terror’s Advocate: This documentary investigates Jacques Verges, a high profile lawyer made famous defending Nazis and Holocaust-deniers. That’s all I know about this but it sounds interesting. This is playing at the IFC Center.

devil

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Why is it hard to make new friends after college? Because you’re not drunk as often? False. Because you aren’t going to classes with people who are interested in the same topics as you? Uh-uh. Because you aren’t as young and attractive as you were then? Possibly. Because you don’t know the same people to gossip about? BINGO!

For me and my friends, celebrities have replaced the ‘known students’ (j-lo with the short-shorts, douchey with the loud talking and pregnant-getting, omar with the booty, et cetera) on campus that I liked to talk about. So my friends and I gossip about Britney’s downfall and Owen’s suicide and all that because we live in different places and work in different places and don’t see the same cast of characters every day anymore!

The exception is what I like to call the ‘Melrose Rule,’ wherein if five or more people have kissed five or more of said same people and live in the same building, outside influence is rarely necessary (only for 2-5 episode guest stints) and you can forego celebrity gossip for inner turmoil. But since I can’t get all my friends to move to the same building and they won’t play spin the bottle with me (prudes) we have to rely on the celebs for us to have common shit-talking ground.

Clearly, we gossip about each other too but there are only a finite number of us, whereas on a large campus or the pages of US Weekly there are dozens of tasty pieces to choose from.

I’m just saying.

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The weather isn’t supposed to be great this weekend, with the forecast calling for thunderstorms starting Friday evening. Here are the new releases for the weekend. Unless you’re seeing The Simpsons Movie, you might want to consider renting something.

I Know Who Killed Me: Lindsay’s new movie comes out on Friday. On Tuesday she wound up on the front page of every tabloid after being busted for driving under the influence and cocaine posession. Coincedence? I think not. What we are witnessing here is not the drunken escapade of a washed up, talentless “actress,” but the unfailing commitment of a devoted and accomplished thespian. Just to promote her new flick, LiLo selflessly gets herself busted for drunk driving and coke. Bravo, LiLo. Bravo. Oh yeah, and the movie’s about a stripper or something. It’s playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.

Lindsay Lohan

The Simpsons Movie: Everyone’s favorite American family finally hits the big screen after being on television for four hundred years. All I could gather from the trailer is that it’s going to be wacky, Bart skateboards naked and Homer falls in love with a pig. And that’s enough for me. This is my pick of the week. It’s playing at the United Artists on Court Street, the Prospect Park Pavilion and Cobble Hill Cinemas.

No Reservations: Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart (soon to be Harvey Dent) star in this cooking-based romantic comedy with a double entendre title. I’m guessing this movie will be best accompanied by a drinking game where a sip is taken each time someone uses cooking as a metaphor for life. Or each time Abigail Breslin does something adorable. This is playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.

Who’s Your Caddy?: Don Michael Paul, who directed Half Past Dead and finally brought my dream of seeing a Steven Seagal/Ja Rule action movie to life, now directs this golf caper about a rapper who tries to join an exclusive country club. The trailer is painfully unfunny, so my guess is that the producers are banking on the hope that the movie-going community will find the title’s playful allusion to the phrase “Who’s Your Daddy?” simply too delightful to pass up. In addition to starring Outkast member Big Boi, this film has the draw of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off star and known pedophile Jeffrey Jones.

Lindsay Lohan

Moliere: The French playwright gets his own movie from writer/director Laurent Tirard. As I talked about last week, I have a particular (and peculiar) affinity for powdered wigs, so this is high on my radar. It’s playing at the Sunshine.

Arctic Tale: A documentary about polar bears, narrated by Queen Latifah. In the trailer there’s a scene where a bunch of walruses fart, and Queen Latifah makes a joke. So basically, if you saw March of the Penguins and thought that there weren’t enough fart jokes, this is your movie. This is playing at the Angelika.

Otherwise, Wet Hot American Summer is playing as the midnight movie on Friday at the Sunshine, Being John Malkovich is playing at the Brooklyn Bridge Park on Thursday and Repo Man will be playing next Tuesday at McCarren Park.

*Update: Shane Meadows’ new movie This is England is also opening at the IFC Center on Sixth Avenue. The movie is about Meadows’ experience as a Skinhead in the 1980’s in England, and has been getting fantastic reviews.

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