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Posts Tagged ‘Jesus Camp’

Remember Scooter Libby? He was the one who got convicted of perjury and obstructing justice. That whole Valerie Plame thing. Her husband was an ambassador who said that the administration was lying about Iraq buying uranium in Africa (back before we shock and awed them – remember that shit?). The administration got pissed and so they told Robert Novak, this conservative columnist to write a column “outting” Valerie Plame as the CIA agent that she so was. Turning against “their own.” Or whatever. Clearly issues exist between the exec’s and the CIA type of people, but to me they’re all government people doing sneaky stuff.

Anyway, that was a long time ago. And Scooter Libby was the chief of staff for Dick Cheney. And he was the one who took the fall for all of it. I don’t say that to mean that he wasn’t guilty, but just that he obviously wasn’t the only guilty one.

So he got sentenced to 30 months in prison and $250,000. But, I guess Bush agreed with this guy:

“This is not a man who deserves to go to jail in any sense of the word,” said Kenneth L. Adelman, a former Defense Department official and longtime friend of Mr. Libby, who stayed at his Colorado vacation home before his trial.

“Whatever he did wrong, he certainly paid,” Mr. Adelman said, referring to Mr. Libby’s resignation from his prominent position and his public humiliation. “This is a good person who served his country very well and is a decent person,” he said.

Bush commuted his sentence – meaning that he doesn’t have to serve any jail time. Huh.

Me? I aree with this guy:

Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the majority leader, called the commutation “disgraceful.”

“Libby’s conviction was the one faint glimmer of accountability for White House efforts to manipulate intelligence and silence critics of the Iraq War,” Mr. Reid said. “Now, even that small bit of justice has been undone.”

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On the subway on the way home tonight I read over someone’s shoulder “Cheney in Rage at Reid“. My first thought was what did that crazy girl do now?

I was imagining Cheney sitting slumped on the floor inside the oval office, despondently waiting for Tara to call after their drunken groping at McFadden’s after-hours club the night before.

creepy cheney McFadden’s Party Time

Unfortunately, it turned out to be some boring story about ‘defeatism’. Yawn.

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Cheney, Cheney, Cheney. There are already rumors that you suck the blood from the homeless, that you have turned immortal by eating babies, that you’re actually The Penguin from Batman…

Don't Look In The BushesBut this?

WTF? There have been several theories thrown around of what’s happening in this picture. I agree that maybe he’s somehow controlling Bush, from his shrubbery. I think it has to do something with his laser eyes. He stares long enough and you submit to his will, and I’ve heard his evil eyes kills puppies and kittens too.

The moral of the story is that Cheney is inhuman, creepy, and probably going to somehow take over in 2008.

I bet Rove has something to do with this. That man is a genius. I’m going to bet that he wants to send the not-so-subtle message that Cheney could be anywhere, hiding in your local shrubbery, watching your every move. They’re so advanced! They don’t even need wiretaps! Cheney is slowly becoming uber-powerful with his ability to steal souls and control you with his laser eyes.

I just thought everyone should know. I mean we have it easier here in New York because there’s not a lot of underbrush for Cheney to hide in…but please be careful…you’ll never know when he’ll pop out and…shoot your face and eat your still beating heart.

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“Jesus Camp”: A Review

jesus camp
(Contains some spoilers, but it doesn’t really matter.)

Warlocks are enemies of God…and had it been in the old testament, Harry Potter would have been put to death. ~ Crazy Female Pastor

“Jesus Camp” is interesting. It is a documentary about Evangelical Christian fundamentalists, and how they are insane. Don’t laugh. I am very serious. These people are literally, insane. The people depicted in this film are, anyway. I can’t speak for all Evangelical Christians. Although, I do have my theories.

I’m not sure whether or not it was the filmmakers’, Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady, intention to make a horror film for the millennium, but if it was, they succeeded. This documentary is bar-none the most disturbing piece of film to have ever graced my 1992 Sony color TV. And I’ve watched parts of “Glitter” on there. (Seriously, don’t act like you’re above Mariah Carey movies.)

Anyway, “Jesus Camp” explores the psyche of devout Evangelical Christians, and reveals the secrets of their bizarre lifestyle. These people abide by a standard of living so outrageous, a fair representation, outside of this documentary, could only be found in either a terror-themed flick, or a V.C. Andrews novel.

Here’s a small set of rules on how they live their lives:

1) Homeschool all children.

*Homeschooling allows parents to teach creationism, criticize evolution, and pray to the Christian flag every morning.

If you look at creationism, you’ll realize it’s the only possible answer. ~Homeschool Mom

It’s true. Creationism is the only possible answer. Creationism, and um, gnomes who ride birds, and water babies that live in lily pads.

2) Brainwash.

*Brainwash young, impressionable children to believe it is their duty, even at age nine, to spread the word of God and to “save” as many souls as possible.

When I grow up, I want to be a manicurist. I can talk about Christ as I do their nails and I could play Christian music in the background. It would be very relaxing.” ~ age nine (girl)

This scene was actually one of the more disturbing moments of the film. Disturbing because no one at age nine should be talking like that. Perhaps I was a bit underdeveloped at this age, mentally, so I’m judging these children with an unjust bias. But I’m pretty sure that audio tape of me and my 4th grade best friend, reading notes we wrote to each other in class out loud, and rapping about boys in speedos is a pretty good representation of what most normal nine year olds are like. Right?

3) Send children to Jesus Camp.

*It is here where these children will be taught God’s will, and learn how to feel guilt for the rest of their lives. Also, it is at this camp where God’s “saved” children will gather around a deranged female pastor as she pours out bottled water that has been “blessed” onto the hands of these young preachers-in-training. They will congregrate around her as if she were an ice cream man handing out free Chocolate Eclair bars (clearly, this is an indication of what I found to be important as a child. And which ice cream bars I liked best). They will climb over one another in hopes of touching the water, the water that will cleanse them of all their sins; all the while, sobbing hysterically as they lament over their wrongdoings and heinous 10-year old acts of crime.

This scene was like something out of “Children of the Corn.” Only scarier, since no one was acting. Very, very upsetting. Too upsetting.

4) Speak in tongues.

*Scream out in tongues when praying for God’s forgiveness.

Because “tongues” in no way sounds like a dialect spoken by Satan.

Pretty much “Jesus Camp” is the most frightening documentary you’ll ever see. The film’s subjects are the people who control Middle America, and hence control much of this country. There is no acting, these camps actually do exist, and no one is going to jail, well except for maybe Ted Haggard, who plays a pretty prominent role in the film and was recently outed for the sicko he is.

I would suggest seeing this documentary, not only for its jaw-dropping religious sequences, but because it’s important for the world to see what much of America believes in.
So, do it.

End Note: Are rock group Hanson Evangelical Christians? Discuss. (FYI I love Hanson).

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