Posts Tagged ‘Idiot’

I am no longer outraged. Paris Hilton is back in jail. Praise the Lord.

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Okay, I really love Lindsay Lohan. She has very shiny hair. She was awesome in Mean Girls and Freaky Friday. She drinks like a scruffy Irishman.

But she is dumb and her dumbness is going to be her downfall. This weekend, Miss Lohan was in her third car accident in two years. For the record, that’s a lot. But wait. More stupidity:

1. It was a single car accident, which means that a curb duped her. Not even a moving object.
2. She was drunk (allegedly – she has to answer those charges in August). And yes, she was in rehab earlier this year.
3. She had some cocaine in the car with her. Again, rehab. This year.

Additional things to consider in the realm of the Lohan.

1. She was drunk and she’s 20: illegal.
2. She was drunk and driving: illegal and incredibly dangerous.
3. She had cocaine!

I’m just saying, why is she not in jail? Why wasn’t she arrested? Why wasn’t her license suspended? Why didn’t she get a ticket? What the fuck is going on here?

It’s not that I want her to be in jail, because I love her and her wacky antics. I don’t care if she’s doing more coke than David Bowie in ’71 and I don’t care if she’s drinking until she’s puking up a spaghetti dinner she ate when she was 12. But she’s just being reckless now. There were other people in her car and other people driving in general. Take her license away and get the bitch a driver. She’s rich.

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Pinkberry is being sued by an idiot. Idiot alleges the product is not actual “yogurt,” but rather, “a powder-based product mixed with water or milk that is ‘sold in this adulterated state without notice to consumers of its ingredients.'” Oh, really? Because I thought if you simply freeze some Dannon yogurt, it turns into soft serve. Not. Obviously Pinkberry is not real “real” yogurt, since everyone knows yogurt, when placed in sub-zero degree temperature, turns into an ice cube-like product. Don’t act as though you’ve never experimented with placing sweet treats in the freezer.

Also, um, I don’t know if this man has ever tasted/or heard of a product that’s often referred to as “The Country’s Best Yogurt,” but I’m pretty sure that TCBY’s “Y”-ogurt is not actual yogurt either. Despite its presumptuous title. (It takes some pretty big balls [testicles] to claim to be #1 within a category you don’t even belong to. But I suppose that’s the only way to build a successful empire these days. Lies and big balls. Sorry.) At least Pinkberry’s taste resembles real yogurt.

Anyway, hater’s suit states that “Pinkberry is marketed as frozen yogurt ‘to deceive the public and to profit from that deception.'” Yeah. Boo. I feel so deceived by this mass marketing ploy. I can’t believe how deceived I felt after discovering that all this time I wasn’t eating soft-serve yogurt, but was in fact, eating soft-serve “yogurt.” Those deceitfully delightful fresh fruit and cereal toppings that I once felt so much joy towards, are now nothing but accomplices to a deceit that will definitely interfere with my chemically influenced diet. Pinkberry’s deceitful “powder based product mixed with water or milk” will surely affect my daily intake of saccharine based drinks and partially hydrogenated oiled snacks. I am so angry at you, Pinkberry. Angry for being so deliciously fat-free and refreshing. The fact that you make claims to be frozen yogurt, even though no frozen yogurt chain provides its customers with 100% yogurt, is so deceitful, I can’t even look at your adorably modern glass walls, and tiny Asian fixtures without feeling hurt. And deceived.

But all (deceit) jokes aside, this is ridiculous. Pinkberry tastes great, is light, and goes great with Capt ‘n Crunch cereal. It’s not as though it’s laced with some weird ingredient that causes cancer, it just isn’t associated with Yoplait. I say, if it isn’t heavy in calories, has more flavor than (Not)-Tasti D-Lite, and was developed by a Korean, it’s A-OK in my book. (Real) Yogurt enzymes or not.


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