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Posts Tagged ‘Golden Globes’

I taped last night’s Golden Globes so that I could forward through most of the shit. And there was a lot of shit. Here are some stray things that I noticed:

  • Anna Paquin won Best Actress in a Drama for the HBO show True Blood. If all you need to do to win a Golden Globe is talk in a shitty accent to creepy vampires, then I think the Hollywood Foreign Press owes Keanu Reeves a little something something.
  • The lyrics to Bruce Springsteen’s song “The Wrestler” sound like a Weird Al Yankovic parody of a Bruce Springsteen song. Lines like “Have you ever seen a one-legged dog making his way down the street? If you’ve ever seen a one-legged dog then you’ve seen me.” Not only is The Boss is making the claim that one legged dogs can walk (which I don’t believe is possible), but also he is saying that were he a shapeshifter, he would in fact turn into a one-legged dog.
  • I have not seen Happy-Go-Lucky but I think that Sally Hawkins needs to eat more sandwiches. And valium.
  • Ricky Gervais should host everything, always, forever.
  • Drew Barrymore was clearly attacked by a weed-whacker.
  • Tracy Morgan should co-host everything with Ricky Gervais, always, forever.
  • Alec Baldwin remembers getting Rumor Willis juice-boxes on set of “the movie.” He also makes references to his own daughter. Could this have something to do with the fact that he got in trouble for leaving a nasty voicemail on his daughter’s phone a while back? Alec Baldwin: not only does he love his own children, but he’ll bring your child juice.
  • Is it me, or did Colin Farrell pretty much tell the Hollywood Foreign Press that they’re idiots for giving him an award, let alone nominating him?
  • David Duchovny makes reference to his wife and family, letting America know that he is no longer a sex-addict, but continues to be a Golden Globe nominated actor for playing one on television.
  • Mickey Rourke totally pulled off calling Darren Aronofsky a “cat” and then talked about how much he loved his dogs (both living and dead). This was officially the highlight of the evening. Oh, and Aronofsky, with a Vincent Price moustache, gave Mickey Rourke the finger on live TV. I know a certain camera man who is getting fired.

What a wonderfully boring awards ceremony it was. On to the next awards show that is not being hosted by Tracy Morgan or Ricky Gervais.

Deal with it, Cate Blanchett

Deal with it, Cate Blanchett

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I take back the above exclamation point. There is nothing exciting about the Golden Globes, I just thought feigned excitement might make you more inclined to read this post. And here you are. Sucker.

Yes, the Golden Globe nominations were announced today. The Golden Globes kind of act as Oscar’s little brother. But he’s a pigeon-toed, hyperactive little brother, with his finger in his nose and chocolate all over his shirt. He’s cute and ultimately more fun to be around than snooty old Oscar, but he doesn’t have a whole lot to say and he might enjoy the smell of gasoline on his fingers just a little too much. How else do you explain things like Tom Cruise, who yelled and swore his way through Tropic Thunder like a bloated Frank T.J. Mackey, getting a nomination for Best Supporting Actor? Or Meryl Streep getting nominated for both Doubt and Mamma Mia? How about Charlie Kaufman not getting a nomination for best screenplay, director or film? Or James Franco getting nominated for best actor for Pineapple Express?

At the same time, the little mouth-breather pulled some ballsy moves. Some of the most talked about movies out there were snubbed for best picture, including Milk, Doubt, Wall-E, Dark Knight and The Wrestler in exchange for less flashy films like The Reader and Happy-Go-Lucky. Another striking omission? Clint Eastwood. The man has two films out which should be perfect bait for awards, and got no director or picture nominations. And I’ll bet he’s pissed.

Anyway, that’s about all there was that was interesting. They air on January 11th, 2009. I’ll probably watch them. But seriously, you don’t have to. You really probably shouldn’t encourage this kid.

                        

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