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Posts Tagged ‘Gluten’

From the Midtown Messenger:

PET-V’s release pointed to the seminal example of the late anthropologist Carlos Castaneda, whose training as a Yaqui Indian medicine man included not only talking to plants, but constantly apologizing to them, especially to the female specimens of dioecious, or sexually differentiated, varieties. Shortly prior to his death a decade ago, Castaneda said plants, including fresh salads, had finally begun talking back to him, and that while–unlike erstwhile comedian and noted amateur early childhood development specialist Steve Martin, he does not “speak baby talk”–he could detect especially heart-rending sighs and plaintive-sounding whispers when consuming underage salad ingredients, especially chervil.

Ha!

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My father – constantly on the lookout for new ways for me to become raving, bat-shit insane – sent me this article from Yahoo! News. It’s all about vegans who won’t stoop to sexing with meat eaters because they feel like they’re shtupping “a graveyard for animals.” While this is an interesting idea, I think it’s mostly just the sign of an over-active imagination and some pretty serious neuroses. As a reasonably squeamish vegetarian, I generally just draw the line at not making out while my partner is in the process of eating ribs.

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Sexiest Carrot Aliiiive

PETA, best known as the people responsible for whatever gory meat-making video made you turn veg for the worst 3 months of your life (ahem, jbm), turn out to also be shameless celebrity-humpers just like us!

Now, they’re asking us to vote on who is the World’s Sexiest Vegetarian!

Some interesting entries on the ballot: Chelsea Clinton, Lauren Bush (actually not surprising, but I guffawed when I first read it because I thought it said Laura Bush), Serenity (WTF? What is that?), and Princess Superstar! I like that rapping about pussies and fucking Kool Keith raw is enough to get you noticed by PETA.

For the boys, we’ve got some real winners. (I’m a little worried about Plainclothesman getting caught between X-Filing and Pearl Jamming, if you know what I mean.) I’m enjoying a fantasy of Bob Barker, Dennis Kucinich, Common, Casey Kasem, GZA, John C. Reily, Jonathan Safran Foer, JTT, Leonard Nimoy, Little Richard, Prince, and Weird Al battling it out. It’s a lot to imagine. Wow.

Weirdly enough, though it is a ‘worldwide’ contest there is a separate category for “International.” Whatever, PETA, I guess you were too busy doing extra credit in life sciences to pay attention in geography.

Last year’s winners were Prince (yess!) and Kristen Bell (What? Seriously? Is she on the WB? I mean the CW?). Shania Twain got crowned in 2001 and I like thinking about her in I Heart Huckabees telling off Jude Law. 2003 winner Josh Hartnett has a lovely story about his turn to the vag – I mean veg: “One day I was cutting up a chicken for my mom, and I hit a tumor with the knife. There was [pus] and blood all over the place. That was enough for me.”

Ew! Sick. It’s enough for me too. And did he not really say pus? I’m confused.

OK, go make your voices heard!

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The NY Times discusses one of current society’s most hated, gluten.  I find this article thought provoking as it goes through and lists the (apparently) many nays of the protein.  (Who knew?)  I’d like to share with you some of the most interesting points/truths exposed by the Times. 

“There is no question that eating gluten aggravates celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder that damages the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients.” (Nay, especially since I am convinced I might currently be suffering from this disease.)

“Brandi Walzer, a 29-year-old cartographer in Savannah, Ga., loves bread, not to mention pizza and beer. But she tries to avoid them, because they contain gluten — a substance she says upsets her stomach, aggravates her arthritis and touches off depression.”  (Nay.)

“[Gluten] is responsible for a variety of ills, from skin eruptions to infertility to anxiety to gas.”  (Um, nay.)

“To be sure, whole wheat and other cereal grains that contain gluten can be hard to digest. (Nay.) The bran and germ components tend to pass through the alimentary canal intact, which is why they are often prescribed as a sort of natural broom to relieve constipation (Nay?)— and why they can also cause gas and diarrhea.” (Hmmm, yeah, nay.)

“Gluten is relatively new to the human diet, as wheat cultivation began only some 10,000 years ago. Now it is ubiquitous, not only in processed foods (including salad dressings, ice cream and peanut butter) but even in the adhesives on envelopes as well as in lipsticks and lotions.”(Whoa- yay for fascinating factor, but nay for possibly ingesting carbs from licking an envelope.)

Despite what this piece argues, I, personally, am a fan of gluten.  Obviously not because of its health benefits, since as it turns out, eating gluten can lead to almost every problematic health issue just shy of death.  But because gluten is the key ingredient for a crispy bread and deliciously textured pasta.  We, the American people, need it.  Our (my) taste buds have adapted to accept only the most indigestible food products our (my) bodies can handle.  And as of right now, we (I) am okay with that.  Though, I suppose if consuming this particular protein will set off “a variety of ills” to “erupt” within my holy sacred (body), perhaps this article should be taken more seriously.  Or, maybe I (and most likely the rest of Brooklyn Skeptic) will ignore these facts altogether and drink as much beer as humanly possible. 

 (Breakfast of Champions)

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