Posts Tagged ‘Gay Messiah’

In case you haven’t heard, Idaho is now famous for more than just potatoes and “I da ho”, now having a sex scandal to call its own. Senator Larry Craig was recently exposed to have plead guilty to lewd conduct in a bathroom while making a stop at the Minneapolis-St. Paul airport. How this happened in June and is only reported now is beyond me, but I’m glad to see major news outlets grill a man whose appearances at my high school were frequently key noted by anti-sex tirades and arguments for why motorcyclists shouldn’t have to wear helmets (an unrelated pet peeve of mine). You can read more about the incident at Slate where they kindly post the police report and engage in some amusing commentary about Craig’s foot tapping in the bathroom.

-Minneapolis Airport Lobby, 12:30 pm

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In a city only slightly less depraved than New York, but equally hated by most of America, our fine Mayor Bloomberg shuffled his Republican party affiliation off this mortal coil. Yesterday in Los Angeles, Bloomberg announced that he will now vote as an independent and run as an independent…if he so chooses to run for any particular office in the future…not that he is saying he is…it’s really more of a house-keeping type thing…you know, because…okay fine! He wants to be president, damn it! He just hates guns and loves abortion too much to be Republican. And he hates poor people to much to be a Democrat.

The gagillionaire Mayor explained to a California audience that included Gov. Schwarzenegger the many critiques he has for both the Republican and Democratic parties. The Governator retorted, “stop whining, you idiot!” He then got in his Hummer and drove away. After the disruption, Bloomberg continued to to address the crowd: “Any successful elected executive knows that real results are more important than partisan battles, and that good ideas should take precedence over rigid adherence to any particular political ideology.” He later added, “unless we’re talking about sweet, sweet capitalism.”

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For the sake of accuracy (which, admittedly, we aren’t big fans of around here – i.e. dragon bones), I must offer a rubuttal to Johnbaptisedme’s earlier post about Rufus Wainwright.

1. The revered editor suggested that Wainwright’s attending the opera three times a week was pretentious and possibly a lie. Let it be noted that the Metropolitan Opera recently commissioned Wainwright to write an original opera. So yes, he’s really into opera. Almost like someone who writes operas would be.

2. He does not consider himself the Messiah. For proof, I direct you to the lyrics of the song “Gay Messiah”:

No, it will not be me
Rufus the Baptist I be
No, I won’t be the one
Baptized in cum

Clearly, he does not believe that he is Jesus. He just wants to annoint the risen Messiah with his love juices. I think this is an impulse we all share.

And anyway, “John Baptised Me,” is it possible that someone is calling the kettle black?

Rufus Wainwright – Not The Gay Messiah

3. Holy, sweet, merciful fuck. Beyonce actually does suck. She’s just not a good musician. Her songs catchy, it’s true. And I agree with Rufus that it has more to do with modern pop music being more of a science than an art. We’ve all heard the stories of Rivers Cuomo sitting in a windowless room deconstructing Nirvana songs until they are naught but mathematical formulas.

It’s not Beyonce’s fault that she sucks, and you can’t logically blame Rufus either. You can only blame our inordinately low standards.

4. For some good songs, I direct you to Hallelujah (a cover), Vibrate, 14th Street, Go or Go Ahead, California, and my very favorite, Oh What A World. You don’t get much better in terms of classically-influenced composition, vocal control, pre-mature middle age crises and gay wit. Bitch makes me want to take my pants off.

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