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Posts Tagged ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’

In a city only slightly less depraved than New York, but equally hated by most of America, our fine Mayor Bloomberg shuffled his Republican party affiliation off this mortal coil. Yesterday in Los Angeles, Bloomberg announced that he will now vote as an independent and run as an independent…if he so chooses to run for any particular office in the future…not that he is saying he is…it’s really more of a house-keeping type thing…you know, because…okay fine! He wants to be president, damn it! He just hates guns and loves abortion too much to be Republican. And he hates poor people to much to be a Democrat.

The gagillionaire Mayor explained to a California audience that included Gov. Schwarzenegger the many critiques he has for both the Republican and Democratic parties. The Governator retorted, “stop whining, you idiot!” He then got in his Hummer and drove away. After the disruption, Bloomberg continued to to address the crowd: “Any successful elected executive knows that real results are more important than partisan battles, and that good ideas should take precedence over rigid adherence to any particular political ideology.” He later added, “unless we’re talking about sweet, sweet capitalism.”

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MoveOn.org is inviting all of us to a virtual town hall to talk about Iraq with Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, and Joe Biden. Earnestness is not my forte, but I think this is genuinely good.

Virtual Town Hall: Iraq
Tuesday, April 10
7:15 PM

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the thing with I know this should be called, “Drowning in Republican Tears #2”, but I can’t avoid sensationalist headlines.

To start things out, the Republican Party puts a lot of stock into being homogeneous, despite being filled to the brim with libertarians, fiscal conservatives, neocons, hardcore evangelicals and so forth. This is all because the Republican Party’s strategy is to create/find a resonating idea (with hyped rhetoric), like communism, terrorism, the moral decay of society, whatever…and then push forward with a hypothetical united front. Then there they are, the Republican base holding hands in unison, singing kumbaya, fighting the good fight, while the evil Democrats are just angry, mean, and disagreeable. It’s really a beautiful dance of cogs and gears.

The great thing about Giuliani is, right when the Republican Party is out trying to find it’s new voice, recovering from scandals and internal doubt, the most Democrat Republican (or just the oddest Republican) is polled first for the Republican primaries. It’s quite wonderful because it undermines the whole idea of the Republican movement. It ruins their aura of homogeny, shows the weakening of the evangelical base, and to top it off Giuliani is completely and utterly unelectable. I won’t even get to his failed personal life, which even makes mine look rosy (ie I break up with girls via text messages, he breaks up with his wife via a public press conference*). He has no experience with public policy on the federal or even state level, and even his 9-11 strengths aren’t that strong.

I’m not saying that Giuliani is sticking with these beliefs, that would be too much to ask from a candidate. Instead he’s scrambling to the right like McCain (or any other candidate’s “readjustments”), trying to find a way to renounce the platforms he’s ran on in the past. He’s already stated that he will only appoint baby loving judges to the Supreme Court. Don’t worry though, we can still watch him as he wiggles around his ideas of gun control and gay marriage. It’ll be amazing to see a man eat his own foot.

So for every moment that Rudy Giuliani is holding the race, he’s a symbol of the present collapse of the Republican Party (besides Bush himself, Mark Foley, Abramoff, “Scooter”, Gonzales…I give up).

*To any single females reading this, I don’t actually break up with people via text messages. Just the occasional email/voicemail. Or sometimes notes with cut letters from a magazine.

P.S.

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Republican Party, you have made your god weep.

I really take glee in all of the proclamations of the downfall of the Republican Party (Yet two years ago they said the same about Democrats). It’s probably due to the overwhelming arrogance that it embodies. With people like Bush, Cheney, Gonzoles as the poster-boys. It’s like the joy of watching the bullies and villains at the end of movies get thrown down into a pit of snakes (my apologies, I’ve watched a lot of Indiana Jones).

In my first installment, let’s talk about our favorite Mr. John McCain.

(more…)

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Hi Everyone. Would you like to hear my detailed account of last Friday’s Brooklyn Beer tasting? Yeah? Good.

I’m not sure what you could gather from the “Cold Beer, Heated Discussion” entry, but if you’re at all literate, I’m sure you picked up on the fact that I, Johnbaptisedme, was not in top form the evening of the Brooklyn Beer tasting. I blame it on the two shots of Svedka (vodka) I took right before attending the drinking social. The two shots of Svedka I took by myself. In my apartment. About 3 minutes after waking up from a nap. It’s fine, I mean, “liquor before beer, you’re in the clear,” right? Right. No wait, wrong. So very wrong. I don’t know if you knew this already, but naps are incredibly dangerous. They can really impair a person’s judgment, causing he or she to do crazy things, crazy things like drink hard liquor by themselves and watch 1.2 episodes of “Everybody Loves Raymond” before realizing “Everybody Loves Raymond” is their most hated tv show. In any case, shortly after the party shots that I took with no one else, I strolled on over to Recklesley’s apartment. By the time I got there, R’ley was putting together some vegetarian oinkers in a quilt (that’s a silly way of saying pigs in a blanket–get it?), and we talked a short while about how she made them: cut hot dogs into 1/3’s and wrap each portion with a Pillsbury crescent roll. It’s pretty easy, especially if you’ve ever lived on earth. But I must say, unless you’re actually vegetarian, I suggest using actual meat when making p.i.a.b. Or not. Do whatever you want. I couldn’t care less.

Moving forward, while the tofu pups were baking we decided to watch a movie. A little movie called, “Mulan.” Great, great movie. Then we took some lovely pictures. It was fun.

Shortly after our “Mulan” screening, the Brooklyn Beer tasting began. Here are my actual thoughts on the biers:

Brooklyn Lager– I very much enjoy B. Lager. It’s bitter, yes. But so am I. So, we’re a very good match.

East India Pale Ale– “Tastes like Colonialism.” This was a statement made by a fellow taster that evening. I agree with whoever he or she was. I remember this beer being “perfumey and divine,” with just a hint of Judy Davis (“Passage to India” reference– it’s an obscure one, yes. But if you got it, we should be best friends).

Pennant Ale– This is good. Drink lots of it.

Pilsner– I believe this was the beer that turned me off (both physically and mentally) for the rest of the evening. “Not a fan,” is all I wrote for my notes. And you know what? I’m not a fan. Even through my vodka-beer goggles I was able to recognize this beer for what it really is. A not great beer.

Brown Ale– Yum. This is the good stuff. I don’t remember how I felt about it the evening of the BB tasting, but I’ve had it before. It’s brown, and ale-y. Drink it.

Black Chocolate Stout– Again, I don’t remember much about this beer, just that at this point in the evening, I could only handle a shot’s worth of it. I had to reduce my beer intake (from a small glass to a shot glass) shortly after the tasting began. I am very hardcore. Beer shots. But anyway, with something like 10.whatever% of alc, this is the drink of choice for anyone who wants to get “wasted” and likes chocolate. And, I think that might be most people.

Monster Ale– This tasting is long-lost somewhere in my memory. I, at this point, was probably trying to analyze the gender politics represented in “Mulan,” and sitting by myself in a corner. But I trust it’s good.

So, there you have it. My Brooklyn Beer opinions. Do what you will with it.

Bye.

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