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Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

My father – constantly on the lookout for new ways for me to become raving, bat-shit insane – sent me this article from Yahoo! News. It’s all about vegans who won’t stoop to sexing with meat eaters because they feel like they’re shtupping “a graveyard for animals.” While this is an interesting idea, I think it’s mostly just the sign of an over-active imagination and some pretty serious neuroses. As a reasonably squeamish vegetarian, I generally just draw the line at not making out while my partner is in the process of eating ribs.

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An interesting article in the New York Times today: Death by Veganism. The author, railing against parents who feed infants a vegan diet, states “babies are built from protein, calcium, cholesterol and fish oil.” Hmmm. Protein? Yes. Calcium? For sure. Cholesterol? Absolutely. Fish oil? FISH OIL?

Talk all you want about the horror and irresponsibility of nutritional fads, Ms. Planck, but I want you to think back – to just a few months ago – to the time before everyone became obsessed with fish oil. You know, when you could buy a loaf of bread that didn’t have gills. You say, “this fragmentation of the American menu [featuring lots of different, varying diets] reflects admirable diversity and tolerance, but food is more important than fashion.” Yeah, well I don’t know about what your research says, missy, but carrots and soybeans have been around a lot longer than fish oil infused orange juice.

So yes, everyone knows that goddamn breast milk is best for babies and that it is downright irresponsible to give them something other than that or a good formula substitute. But veganism is a valid diet for adults who continue to monitor their health and make smart choices based on that – just like a lot of other diets. Stop conflating vegans and people who are too stupid to feed their babies. And fuck you for extolling the virtues of the nutritional supplement du jour and go suck down some omega-3 margarine substitute.

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As the New York Times, which I read obsessively and love more than my own family, tries its darndest to recapture its waning readership, it has filled more and more of its pages (both online and off) with youth-friendly features like blogs and articles about fancy underwear. And boy does it work. Thursday is now my favorite day of the week. In second place is Sunday, where I can generally count on a healthy dose of Michael Pollan waxing masturbatory on local produce while tsk-tsking our love of corn syrup. God, it’s hot.

However, I like my fluff pieces to feature the same writing standards as the real articles. I have no objection to illogical structure or straight-up bullshit. It’s really just the Times’ appropriation of slang in its perverse dissection of youth culture that makes me want to die a little every time I happen across it. It’s as though every time there’s an article about hipsters, it’s as though the newspaper is saying that the group is not just a subjective social distinction among well-off young people, but it’s an actual cultural group. Like, with legal rights or something. That’s not okay.

Additionally, I take issue in these articles with the use of language commonly found on a 12-year-old’s Livejournal. Snarky, for instance. Or any time “u” replaces “you.” Same goes for “2” with “too” or “to.” Even if you’re just trying to make a point about how we crazy kids love our text messaging.

And while I’m at it, I’m going to also declare a moratorium on anymore discussions on how the world is deeply affected by social networking and Blackberries. Let’s stick with dead Russians and pissy Republicans.

New readers can’t be more important than dignity, right?

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