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Posts Tagged ‘Boo’

From Mets Update for Girls: Jose Reyes is hocking Wise chips like somebody’s grandma hocking homemade potholders at the church craft fair while Endy Chavez is shilling low-fat dairy products like Michael Pollan shills for a local, biodiverse diet. Read more here.

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Jose Reyes, adorable pumpkin and Mets shortstop, was a total, um, star at last night’s All-Star Game. While the National League lost like they have every time in the last 10 years, Reyes “went 3-for-4, stole a base and scored a run while playing longer than any of the other 15 starting position players.” The best part is that I have to guess at what 3-for-4 means. Anyway, you can read the rest of that article here, which is all for the better because MLB.com is gayer for Reyes than I could ever be.

Seriously, they are totally biting my steez in regards to ridiculous sports writing: “As they have every year since 1996, the NL All-Stars tried but couldn’t beat their AL peers. Maybe if they were the NL All-Mets, they would have. The trio of New Yorkers in the NL’s starting lineup stood out like the Golden Gate through a fog blanket, with starters Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran and David Wright collecting five of the NL’s first six hits.”

Ew, MLB. Grow a pair.

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Things are tough right now for the Mets-lovin’ ladies. While the team remains inexplicably adorable, it is ass-deep in a losing streak. In the first 13 days of June, they lost ten games and won two. But what’s worse? The Yankees are actually in a winning streak. In those same first days of June, the Yankees won ten games. It’s tragic.

Anyway, this change in luck can only be attributed to A-Rod’s penchant for strippers or strippers’ penchant for A-Rod. Since he was redubbed “Stray-Rod” by the New York Post (that’s some classy shit), the Yankees have been making merry upon all the teams they’ve faced.

It’s clear now that the Mets need to have a few sex scandals of their own to set things back on track and I propose we take matters into our hands. That’s right, ladies. We need to start bedding Mets, stat. Think of it as service to your city, and more than that, as service to defeat the Yankees. They’re like the Republicans of baseball (not to be confused with the Rangers, who are actually just a conservative think tank).

I’m counting on you.

Reyes & Wright: They’ll make your bosom heave.

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Seriously, they’re so cute.

And for when the video gets taken down for copyright infringement, here’s the general idea:

Jose Reyes is about to give Carlos Delgado a bear hug.

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Not that I want to turn Brooklyn Skeptic into a porno site or anything (yeah right), but in the interest of sharing the bounty, here it is: a sexy GQ photo shoot of Davey and Josie (pronounced ho-see) looking, interestingly enough, sexy. Oh man.

metssexy.jpg

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Um, seriously they’re going to fire me for posting porno. And it’ll be worth it.

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After the Subway Series this weekend, we all learned something important. The Mets hold the spirit of New York collectively in the little burned-out chewing tobacco pouches in their lower lips. And the Yankees are losers.

But in case the fact that winning the series doesn’t really bring that home for you, Yankee fan, I’ll take a moment to state some more key points.

We have this guy:

Jose Reyes – Hotty Pants

And you have this guy:

Tyler Clippard – Abomination

We have this guy:

David Wright – 3 Home Runs

And you have this guy:

Robinson Cano – 3 Errors 

That is all.

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Apparently John Mayer wants to be a stand-up comedian. Hm. That sounds…like a really good idea, John. A really. Good. Idea.

Watch.

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