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Posts Tagged ‘Birthday’

Due to my wanting to make this site as gay as possible, I’d like to wish Mr. Zac Efron a Happy Birthday. He turns 20. (You know, 20 is only 4.5 years younger than me. I’m just saying. I could totally be his beard.)

He’s like a puppy.

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Happy Birthday, Chosen One

On this fine day, possibly the greatest day for anyone who has seen these photos (n.s.f.w.), Daniel Radcliffe turns 18.

Personally, I’m wishing him another successful year. And by “successful,” I mean one that doesn’t involve DUIs, jail time, knife fights, night-vision sex tapes, or the like. Why are English teenagers so much better than American ones?

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MK&A

As you all know, Mary-Kate & Ashley turned 21 yesterday. On a date not yet designated as a national holiday, the two celebrated at celeb hot-spot Chateau Marmont with champagne and red velvet cake.

But, as People reports…

the true present for Mary-Kate was the guy sitting next to her. After giving the last toast, the 20-something blond kissed her lovingly before she jumped into his lap and gave him a peck on his chin. As she looked through her birthday cards, he brushed her cheek with one hand and caressed the back of her sheer black dress.

Um, ew. PDAs don’t even make me uncomfortable, but that description is gross. I guess People is now hiring soft-core authors to do their gossip columns. I’m hoping for some descriptions of celebs ‘pumping gas hard as the meter softly undulates to FULL.’ EW!

In some truly touching shit, the MK&A website has a whole bunch of birthday wishes from fans. Here are some that got me all teary:

Hello Ashley and Mary-Kate,
…You guys were my idols…. I live with the phylosophy that you should tell people when they are appreciated, so here goes. You guys are truely amazing women…. I love the way that you reach for the skies and get there. It’s inspiring. I think that it is great how you took the day off. You deserve it. I also want you to know that the people that grew up with you, don’t care about what the media has to say, we are behind you. Hope that you have a birthday as wonderful as you are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ASHLEY and MARY-KATE

with much admiration and respect
-*Jacque*

HI MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY
ITS ME AGAIN YOUR BIGGIST FAN JOUDE THE GIRLIE GIRL FIRST I WANNA SAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH I CANT STOP THINKING
ABOUT YOU TWO, I WANNA SAY TO MARY-KATE THAT YOUR CUTE
AND ASHLEY YOUR ADORIBEL.NEVER FORGET ME.
HOPE FOR YOU THE BEST WISHES.
FROM YOUR BIGGIST FAN IN THE HOLE WORLD JOUDE

happy birthday u 2 when i woke up this morningat 8 o clock my phone started ringing i thought someone was ringing me but it was just a reminder that today is yere birthday
love ye lots
love emily

I can relate to these girls, for sure. Who didn’t spend countless nights on her friends’ parents’ couch watching Winning London and Holiday in the Sun? Who didn’t help her crutches-bound friend hobble up the stairs to watch NY Minute on the big screen? Certainly not me. I didn’t not do those things.

So happy birthday girls. Though your Wal-Mart exclusive poster no longer graces my walls, your little bodies and big heads are still in my heart.

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Mets Update for Skinheads

Heinrich VonWright

In a display of team unity, the Mets (a few bashful heartthrobs aside) shaved their heads together on Tuesday. My feelings are mixed…

Team bonding activities = Adorable

Haircuts that further accentuate gumdrop-sized head-moles = NOT Adorable

The math is too complicated for me…I got a D in Pre-Algebra.

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NY Magazine has some stuff to say about Britney, her hair, her self-mutilation, etc. They say, she “stripped herself, publicly (huh huh) of her sexuality” note: items in parentheses added by editor.

But one interesting thing they do say is about “Britney” vs. “Spears” – the fact that the media always calls her Britney speaks to their desire to cookie-cutter-Barbie-ize her, while calling her “Spears” would humanize her. Or maybe it’s just a cultural thing that I don’t get.

During Saddam Hussein’s initial ousting, a friend of mine was upset that the biased media was only referring to him as “Saddam,” rather than “Hussein” – he felt like that was a condescending move. But, as it turns out, in the Arab world men are often referred to by their first names, not as a sign of disrespect at all…but still. Pretty much everyone else, Arab or not, gets called by their last name in this media.

But anyway, back to Britney. Maybe she’s just telling us that it’s her prerogative and she is indeed a woman now and not that innocent and sometimes she runs and she’s a slave for us and we drive her crazy and she’s so lucky and outrageous and this is all toxic and…

Whew. Why were we surprised?

saddam.jpgYoung Britney

Saddam and Britney — both stars stripped of their last names by the media.

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Just so we don’t fall behind in our cutting-edge analysis of Brit Brit’s psychosis, here’s an interesting thought.

Slate.com suggests her foray into barber-ism (huh huh) had to do with avoiding drug tests in a child custody fight with Kevin “I don’t look so bad now, do I?” Federline. Hair = alarmingly accurate time line of drug use. Fascinating.

Wait, wait! Can we start calling her Britney Shears? No? Okay.

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Britney, Britney, Britney. I don’t think I can express the depths of America’s sadness when we heard that on February 16th, your hair/sanity passed on. We are truly sorry for your loss, but more so for ours.

You were America’s sweetheart. You wore vinyl jumpsuits, school girl outfits, no underpants, and Justin Timberlake. In short, you were everything we wished we could be. You embodied the dreams of a nation. Your hair/sanity was taken – at your own hands, no less – far too soon.

In recent months, we should have known that something was wrong. Your hair color kept changing and you kept claiming to love K-Fed. It didn’t feel right at the time, but we couldn’t fathom the depths of this kind of depravity. Sure, there are lots of brunettes and all young women chose the wrong guy from time to time. But no, we never should have made excuses for you. It is our fault as much as yours.

I know we were all excited when you dropped Fed-Ex and started partying with Hollywood’s elite – Lohan and Paris. We thought this meant that you were ready to reclaim your throne, making mid-western mothers worry for their 8-year-old daughters’ chastity again. Sometimes you would turn blond again and we were filled with such hope. Oh, Britney. We were fools.

Here we stand now, with your hair/sanity but soothing memory, and we wonder how we will go on.

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