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Posts Tagged ‘Bears’

No, not the semi-underground sport roommate hunting. I’m referring to the kind of roommate hunt that involves posting an open room in your apartment on Craigslist and seeing what kind of scaries come out to ingratiate themselves and borrow into your living quarters. Here are some thoughts should any of you decide to embark on a similar journey.

1. Craigslist trollers have their responses down to a science. Within 24 hours of posting my ad, I had over 100 well-crafted life stories packed into my inbox. Many of them extolled my ad-writing skills, saying that I had awakened them from the dreary haze of reading apartment listings. Let me assure you that my ad was neither amusing nor outstanding. It may differ only in the lack of spelling errors. Either way, nearly all of the responses were identical because apparently every young woman in New York is exactly the same. I suppose I knew that already.

2. Might I suggest inviting an extremely judgemental friend to supervise your interactions with potential roommates and then offer scathing criticism when they leave? Because it’s very helpful. Thanks, johnbaptisedme.

3. Young women apartment seachers in New York can tend towards the overzealous. Maybe don’t pick the one who called you five times within 12 hours of meeting her. Because she’s crazy.

4. No one will tell you to your face that they are not interested in the apartment. One girl (who showed up a half hour late for her appointment with nary a phone call or apology) walked through the apartment, asked one question and then said, “well, I’m going to head out.” I asked her if she was interested in the place at all – she most certainly wasn’t – and if I should call her when I’ve made a decision. She said I should. Um, why not just say you’re not interested, weird girl with a Blackberry in one hand and a Razr in the other? Your existence annoys me.

5. If at all possible, don’t wait until the end of the month to look for a roommate. Because everyone who is looking to move immediately is coming from a crisis situation. And anyone who finds themselves in a residence-related crisis is probably not going to be an ideal roommate.

6. Myspace and Facebook are your friends. Don’t feel bad about doing a little surreptitious background check on your candidates. They say a picture is worth a thousand words…especially if that picture is your potential roommate soul-kissing a bottle of Rolling Rock and grinding with her sorority sisters in a mid-western sports bar. And they’re all wearing WWJD bracelets and hotpants.

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Chilling Realizations

This just in: Newsweek has posted an article about how dumb Americans are.

Yeah, yeah. I think the one thing we all definitively know is that we are, as a nation, borderline retarded.

While taking the poll myself (with the answers right below each question), I realized that I’m just as American (read: dumb) as the next guy. This was my favorite question:

newsweek-question.jpg

The reason “no” is highlighted is because it is the correct answer. Does this seem weird to anyone else? Is this a question that could logically have a “yes” or “no” answer? If it was, would “no” really be the correct answer?

It’s true that some people didn’t know the right answer to a lot of questions (for the record, SUVs definitely contribute to global warming). But more importantly – and I think this speaks more to the American way than sheer stupidity – we didn’t even try to answer a lot of questions. For most of the questions in the poll, “Don’t Know/Refused” was the first or second most selected answer. Well, at least we’re not cocky.

Thankfully, America got its comeuppance with the following questions:

newsweek-question2.jpg

Yeah, fuck you, Newsweek! That’s right! More Americans know who Jane Austen is than Jordin Sparks. Though not me, admittedly. Again, though, these questions illustrate our preference for admitting our ignorance openly (48% and 78% respectively just didn’t know).

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My gayness was piqued this week with all the Rufus Wainwright talk and that crazy article in NY Magazine about genetic gaydar and third-sex and all that crap. Sadly, I was out of town during Brooklyn Pride and was not able to get my gay on with my borough brothers and sisters. But no need to worry! This weekend is NYC Pride, which is like the biggest, gayest weekend ever!

Despite my being unpleasantly hetero, I’ve always enjoyed Pride. One year, I got a coupon for a free Chipotle burrito that was thrown from a passing float during the parade. And Harvey Fierstein and the Queer Eyes were there! It was amazing.

So anyway, I’m sure I’ll see you all at XXL NYC, a “rowdy bear party.” Hot!

Bears.

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