Posts Tagged ‘Andy Samberg’

Boo. Ya.

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The summer season is coming to an end, and studios are throwing out the last of their blockbusters. This weekend, that includes one sure-fire hit, and several possible misses.

The Bourne Ultimatum – America’s blander, more straight-edge James Bond is back. In the third in the series, we can undoubtedly expect more car chases, karate, foreign locations and cell-phone yelling (“Where is he? We’ve lost Bourne! Aghhhh!”). These movies, for what they are, tend to be pretty damn entertaining. I’m sure this one will be no exception. Plus, Julia Stiles doesnt have a whole lot going on for herself right now. Playing Save the Last Dance on TBS every five minutes only gets her so much money. Have a heart. She’s cold and her fridge is full of condiments. This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

Bratz – What’s that? Brats, spelled with a Z instead of an S? I’m so in. In this ten-inch toy to film adaptation, four girls arrive at high school as best friends, and are ruthlessly torn apart by cliques (which are all run by the bitchy Meredith). They then realize that they can stand out and be unique, and decide to fight back again the Meredith’s evil autocracy. Then a character arrives and tells them all that they are staring in a shitty rehash of Mean Girls. The last hour of the film consists of hundreds of teenagers crying at the career paths they’ve chosen. Jon Voight co-stars. And no, I’m not kidding. This is playing at Union Square.

El Cantante – Jennifer Lopez has been laying (J-) low for a while, as this seems to be her first big release in some time. But honestly, after making gems like Monster-in-Law, Jersey Girl and Gigli, you might need a break too. Here she stars with off-screen hubby Marc Anthony in the story of Hector Lavoe, the Salsa “King.” Here’s to hoping she’ll come to be known as “Jenny from the Block…buster.” I know. I hate me too. I cry at night.

Hot Rod – Andy Samberg: wacky internet genius or smarmy Jimmy Fallon-esque butt potato? I’m still on the fence. In this he plays a stuntman named Rod. Weirdly, this movie might be appropriate for his fans and those who hate him, as he spends most of the movie falling down and getting hurt. Johnbaptisedme will clearly be first in line at this one. See you there JBM! You bring the whippits this time, jerk. This is playing at the Pavilion.

Underdog – Jason Lee is officially all grown up. He’s thrown out his skateboard, cleaned up his Kevin Smith-influenced potty mouth, watched chipmunks eat each other’s leavings, joined the Church of Scientology, and is starring in talking dog movies with Jim Belushi. I only hope that we have a Jetsons Meet the Flintstones-esque crossing of My Name is Earl and According to Jim.

Becoming Jane – Becoming Jane takes the story of Shakespeare in Love and turns it on Jane Austen, as we learn of the romantic encounters that inspired the writer’s famous novels. Anne Hathaway plays Jane, and James McAvoy plays Thomas Lefroy. Maggie Smith also costars. I’m pretty sure that at this point, Maggie Smith just magically appears on every British film set on the first day of shooting (or maybe she flies in with an umbrella) and asks where she is needed. This is playing at the Angelika.

The Ten – Many of us here at BS are fans of Stella and The State, so clearly, this movie looks like a dream come true. Kevin Marino and David Wain wrote these short films about the ten commandments, and it is definitely my pick of the weekend. Here’s to hoping that it’s more like Wet Hot American Summer and less like The Baxter. Paul Rudd is in it too. I would pay eleven dollars to watch him silently smile at a camera for an hour and a half at this point. This is playing at the Sunshine.

Otherwise, Brooklyn Bridge Park is playing Hair tonight, The Sunshine is playing The Goonies at midnight on Friday, and McCarren Park is playing Three Kings next Tuesday.

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Hot: Notes on a Scandal. This movie is hot for many reasons, namely for its plot. Cate Blanchett plays an Art teacher who has an affair with her fifteen year old student. Hot. Dame Judy Dench (perfectly) plays a creepy old bag whose obsession with Cate Blanchett’s character is out of control. That’s not so hot, except that it is, because the movie is pretty amazing. And I’m not sure if you’ve seen any previews or clips of Notes, but if you have, you most likely caught the moment where Judy Dench snaps, “You’re not young!” to Cate Blanchett. Classic. And true. I suggest seeing this movie before the Oscars.

Not Hot: Marie Antoinette. Why was this movie made? Because it’s so bad? Is that why? They should stop making movies for that reason. Aesthetically, this movie could not have been better. As an actual film with dialogue, this movie was so not hot. Much, much more could have been done to convey the seriousness of the Fall of Versailles, and the bond between Marie and Louis XVI, played by Jason Schwartzman. Haha. It’s funny because Jason Schwartzman probably sort of looks like Louis XVI. Hot. And while I do loathe Kirsten Dunst (not hot) almost as much as I loathe Andy Samberg (the nottest of the hot), that has almost nothing to do with my harsh critique of Marie Ant. Almost. I am of course human. But I usually like Sophia Coppola’s work and think she’ll do better projects in the future. I just hope they won’t leave me feeling full of rage. Oh, and didn’t Kirsten Dunst and Andy Samberg date? Vomit.

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“Mr. Giuliani…would be only the second Catholic president and the first of Italian heritage.”

So what they’re trying to say is…um…wait, does this count as non-white or something? Are these big hurdles nowadays? I suppose I understand, because above all, his alliance would have to be to  the Pope and to left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers (or “New Yorkers,” as they’re more commonly refered to).

The biggest problem for him, I think, is that if he’s elected president, Democrats will not be driven to suicide. Maybe some of them will sit in their rooms listening to Tori Amos and carving “Barack” into their forearms, but they’ll get over that. I mean, he’s shown a certain level of competency; he’s not affiliated with the evangelicals; he can’t spit out what he means by “constructionist” judges; he’s not particularly interested in fetuses. He’s more of a Democrat than Lieberman. I think this will pose a problem for him in terms of getting the Republican nomination and also in terms of getting evangelical/neo-con types to actually vote for him. He’s going to alienate the vast majority of Republicans because of his social views.

And look! He shows a pretty concrete understanding of one major Iraq fuck-up: “‘I would have us not disband’ the Iraqi military or purge the government of Baath Party members, because ‘that meant getting rid of the entire civil service,’ he said, adding: ‘The country had no infrastructure.'” And I mean, bitch knows a little something about civil infrastructure.

Nevertheless, he has no experience working in the international realm and, above all, is a Republican which is non-populist by definition. So while I think he would be a perfectly competent administrator, I think he lacks the values and priorities to actually affect positive change for Americans.

PS: I once had a dream about Ben Seaver and Stephanie Tanner getting married. It was the happiest night of my life.

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A poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
RK hates Samberg,
But Brooklyn Skeptic loves you!

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Final Andy Samberg Post

I rest my case.

I win!

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Your objections to my objections having been duly noted, I must press on for the honor of Andy Samberg.

To address your initial concerns: No, I don’t watch SNL because it is neither “Battlestar Galactica,” nor is it on TV when I’m at the gym. Yes, SNL – hell, I’ll even broaden that to sketch comedy as a genre – sucks on a level that is frightening to someone who was raised Catholic. No, Samberg’s hair isn’t frizzy; it is clearly well conditioned. Yes, Parnell rules. No, Justin was not the star of that short because he was annoying and squeakily-voiced.

The thing is, RK, I completely agree with you on the whole SNL thing. It’s not good. Not at all. However, to suggest that the deep crapitude of the show is in any way related to Samberg’s lack of talent is nigh criminal. Due to terrible writing and possibly to a lack of ideas (understandable, given that the show has been going on since the dinosaurs roamed the earth), SNL is just a terrible vehicle for everyone.

However, as you conceded, the “digital shorts” featured on the show are excellent. This is Samberg’s true art, his medium. This is where his charming, de-pantsing je ne sais quoi really shines. These shorts make me want to get all up in his shorts, if you know what I mean. Plus they’re funny.

You have to consider Samberg outside of the soul-crushing chains of mediocre sketch comedy. Within the realm of edited, rehearsed comedy, he’s a golden god.

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