In case some of you people don’t read one of the ten thousand blogs that review “Gossip Girl” on a weekly basis, I’m going to give you a rundown of what’s been going on. I want you all to be caught up to speed so you can fully enjoy tonight’s episode. Because you all should watch “Gossip Girl.” Each and every one of you. Even you boys.
Serena – Main character. Blonde, beautiful, left NY mysteriously for one year but is back. Used to be a party girl.
Blair – Used to be BFForevs with Serena. Obvs is the less desirable of the duo since she is a brunette. Has secretly always been jealous of Serena, and for good reason.
Nate – Blair’s boyfriend. Is a tool. Slept with Serena before she left. Is the reason why Blair hates Serena.
Dan – Good guy. Is not rich. Likes Serena.
Chuck – Evil and insanely rich. Is the most ridiculous human being on earth. Is my favorite character.
Episode One: review
Episode Two: Serena decides she really likes Dan after their first date. Dan is secretly embarrassed because he tried to say “bye” to Serena as she left the cab at the end of the night, but she didn’t hear him. It was cute. Also cute, the point in the episode where Blair parades around her bedroom in a corset and sheer robe with fur cuffs. And by cute I mean weird. And old seeming. Like, old-timey seeming.
Back to the plot, for their second date Serena invites Dan to The Rapist’s (aka Chuck Bass’s) weekly brunch held at The Palace Hotel. If I had a bajillion dollars I would hold a brunch like this. And like the show, I would only invite high schoolers and serve them alcohol. Just seems like the right thing to do. Anyway, while at brunch, Dan feels out of place since unlike everyone else in attendance he’s from humble beginnings. Dan, for those of you who don’t know, lives in Brooklyn with his father and younger sister. They live in massive loft in Williamsburg. And I know, W-burg is basically the same price as Manhattan. BUT, here’s what I figure: Dan’s father is a musician and it seems as though he’s been living in NY for a while. So, it’s possible he bought a place in Wills when it was more industrial and less hipster occupied. Hence, this show is completely realistic. Now, where was I…oh right, a million dollar brunch hosted by a seventeen year old.
Towards the end of the brunch Dan finds out Serena sexed it up with Nate while Nate was still dating Blair. Dan says, “I thought you were different.” Serena says, “I thought you were too.” And then they go their (Journey) separate ways.
Episode Three: Episode three begins with a school assembly that kicks off with an a capella version of Fergie’s “Glamorous.” I must say, had our morning events begun with our high school choir singing “Angel of Mine” by Monica, I assure you, I wouldn’t have skipped every single AM gathering that didn’t take attendance. (Once, I decided to sleep in rather than participate in this activity called I-Flirt where every student filled out a questionnaire and discovered which classmates they were most compatible with. To this day, I regret never knowing who my high school soul mate was. [Pizappas, remember when X-n’s number one match was MD, her arch nemesis?])
So, this assembly is important because its focus is on Ivy Week, and Ivy Week’s grand finale where reps from every Ivy league school come to scout out who’s hot and who’s not. It’s a very big event. And can in many ways make or break these students’ chances of getting into school. Since it’s pretty clear SAT scores or grades are no longer important.
A little further into the show, Chuck, from his limo, spots Serena entering a rehab facility. After slowly rolling up his tinted glass window until all you see are Chuck’s eyes framed between two black objects, he tells Blair the news. Both consider this to be the juciest of the juicy, and Blair plans to expose Serena’s “drug problem” to the Ivy reps and class at the week’s main event. (Bitch!) But neither C or B know that Serena was actually going in to visit her brother who recently tried to off himself.
Finally, at the Ivy affair, as planned, Blair announces to the entire crowd that Serena’s pulling a Lohan (rehab). Shortly after, Serena’s brother charges up to Blair and reveals to her his wrist scars. Blair feels remorse. And not because she was most likely wearing a corset underneath her dress, but because she realizes Serena’s life is hard. Then in the final scene Blair reads Serena a letter she wrote to her, but never sent, while Serena was away at boarding school asking S why she left without saying goodbye, explains how she needs S and wants to talk to her, and lastly, how her dad left her mom for “a 31 year-old model. A male model.” (That quote right there deserves four stars.)
The two then cry together under a central park bridge and it seems are once again a united front. <@:)
Episode Four: Serena and Blair are once again BFFs. Blair’s mother, a fashion designer, decides to put Blair in her new ad. While at the fashion shoot everyone realizes Serena has more presence than Blair and Blair’s mom thinks Serena should model instead. Blair tells Serena she steals everything from her, which is technically true, and Serena explains she was told they were doing the shoot together. Blair confronts her mom about being a cold-hearted bitch, and B and S steal B’s mom’s dresses and take glamour shots of each other at Columbus Circle.
Subplot: A pal from Nate and Chuck’s past comes back. He’s a self-proclaimed hippie who comes from money. You know, everyone’s favorite type of person. Chuck does not like hippie and cannot understand why Nate would want to hang out with him, “We’re who you aim to be, not run away from.” Truer words have never been spoken, Chuck.
Everyone’s fave rapist
Fake poor guy tricks Nate into a high stakes poker game, where he is secretly guaranteed to lose. Nate loses $10,000, cannot pay it at the moment, almost gets beat to death, until Chuck barges in and saves the day. Chuck threatens hippie to leave them alone or else, and pays off Nate’s losses. I like the route this series is taking. Everyone who watches this show is well aware of the fact that Chuck is a serial rapist who mostly targets girls just out of middle school. And yet the producers felt compelled to make this guy into a hero. As if to say, everyone has a good side. Even rapists. Bravo, Gossip Girl. Bravo indeed.