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Archive for the ‘Union Square’ Category

Hi Everyone. Would you like to hear my detailed account of last Friday’s Brooklyn Beer tasting? Yeah? Good.

I’m not sure what you could gather from the “Cold Beer, Heated Discussion” entry, but if you’re at all literate, I’m sure you picked up on the fact that I, Johnbaptisedme, was not in top form the evening of the Brooklyn Beer tasting. I blame it on the two shots of Svedka (vodka) I took right before attending the drinking social. The two shots of Svedka I took by myself. In my apartment. About 3 minutes after waking up from a nap. It’s fine, I mean, “liquor before beer, you’re in the clear,” right? Right. No wait, wrong. So very wrong. I don’t know if you knew this already, but naps are incredibly dangerous. They can really impair a person’s judgment, causing he or she to do crazy things, crazy things like drink hard liquor by themselves and watch 1.2 episodes of “Everybody Loves Raymond” before realizing “Everybody Loves Raymond” is their most hated tv show. In any case, shortly after the party shots that I took with no one else, I strolled on over to Recklesley’s apartment. By the time I got there, R’ley was putting together some vegetarian oinkers in a quilt (that’s a silly way of saying pigs in a blanket–get it?), and we talked a short while about how she made them: cut hot dogs into 1/3’s and wrap each portion with a Pillsbury crescent roll. It’s pretty easy, especially if you’ve ever lived on earth. But I must say, unless you’re actually vegetarian, I suggest using actual meat when making p.i.a.b. Or not. Do whatever you want. I couldn’t care less.

Moving forward, while the tofu pups were baking we decided to watch a movie. A little movie called, “Mulan.” Great, great movie. Then we took some lovely pictures. It was fun.

Shortly after our “Mulan” screening, the Brooklyn Beer tasting began. Here are my actual thoughts on the biers:

Brooklyn Lager– I very much enjoy B. Lager. It’s bitter, yes. But so am I. So, we’re a very good match.

East India Pale Ale– “Tastes like Colonialism.” This was a statement made by a fellow taster that evening. I agree with whoever he or she was. I remember this beer being “perfumey and divine,” with just a hint of Judy Davis (“Passage to India” reference– it’s an obscure one, yes. But if you got it, we should be best friends).

Pennant Ale– This is good. Drink lots of it.

Pilsner– I believe this was the beer that turned me off (both physically and mentally) for the rest of the evening. “Not a fan,” is all I wrote for my notes. And you know what? I’m not a fan. Even through my vodka-beer goggles I was able to recognize this beer for what it really is. A not great beer.

Brown Ale– Yum. This is the good stuff. I don’t remember how I felt about it the evening of the BB tasting, but I’ve had it before. It’s brown, and ale-y. Drink it.

Black Chocolate Stout– Again, I don’t remember much about this beer, just that at this point in the evening, I could only handle a shot’s worth of it. I had to reduce my beer intake (from a small glass to a shot glass) shortly after the tasting began. I am very hardcore. Beer shots. But anyway, with something like 10.whatever% of alc, this is the drink of choice for anyone who wants to get “wasted” and likes chocolate. And, I think that might be most people.

Monster Ale– This tasting is long-lost somewhere in my memory. I, at this point, was probably trying to analyze the gender politics represented in “Mulan,” and sitting by myself in a corner. But I trust it’s good.

So, there you have it. My Brooklyn Beer opinions. Do what you will with it.

Bye.

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Interesting choice in route, the 4th and 9th R/M to Union Square over the F to 14th Street. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a few valuable words of wisdom there, Friend. However, I do know better, so now I must annihilate you and your arguments.

First off, I must state that the R and M trains are, how you say, pieces of shit. And don’t you dare deny this, Friend. Don’t you (fucking) dare. You and I both know that even at their fastest, I could run alongside both trains and beat either one to the next station. And this is coming from someone with a weak respiratory system, strained left shoulder, and bad knees. Maybe you enjoy riding those graffiti’d subway tracks at such a slow pace you’re able to read every crude comment written on those black, tarred walls. But I, personally, enjoy feeling as though I am in an actual moving vehicle, not a carriage being pulled by a Gypsy Horse in the mid to late 1600’s. But perhaps you have an old soul, which would explain your penchant for slow moving cars, similar to how an 88 year old likes to drive 13 mph on a 65 mph highway. In which case, then yeah, the R or M trains might be a wiser choice.

I, however, am young at heart. I, like most humans, prefer my trains to be fast. I like to feel a steady flow of vibrations below my feet, and getting to work on time.

I’d also like to address the fact that the 4th and 9th Street F stop is above ground. And correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t you once state, and I think pretty recently, that, “Without the Canal, the F train would not make its two glorious above-ground stops at Smith & 9th and 4th Avenue. Think of all those people who wouldn’t be able to send text messages, check their voice mail and make annoying phone calls while commuting with 6000 other people in a single train car.” Oh, hey look what I found. Your exact quote. So, interesting. You choose the shitty, stank, underground R/M, over the oh-so glorious above-ground F stop. Two timer.

Now, I know you’re probably going to come back at me with, “but one rides the R/M for no more than three stops.” Well, I have news for you, the N train moves just as slowly as the R. It skips stops, yes. However, it is so incredibly jam-packed in the morning that the actual weight of the train permits it to drive only at a negative pace. -12 mph, if you’re looking for a rough figure. It is literally, torture.

Convenience is also key here. The F train is a straight shot to 14th Street. No transfers necessary. This means, if you, or I, or anyone else is lucky enough to find an open seat right off the bat, well all I can say is, Zzzzzzz. That means you get to take a nap. And sleep my friend, is a precious, precious thing.

Lastly, if you’re going by old adages, how about this one. N stands for Never; R stands for Rarely.

Love,
RK

PS I bet you didn’t expect any of your previous arguments to nip you in the butt.

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