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The first breaths of spring are blowing through the borough. The potholes are blossoming. The whales are washing up on the sunny banks of the Gowanus. Romance is abloom in Brooklyn.

We all know how hard it can be to find love in this crazy, mixed-up world and it can be even harder in New York, where most people are either models or investment bankers. You can try to dull the horrible pangs of loneliness by excessive drinking, joining bar sports leagues or going to work, but it’s not like we all have the money, skills, or employment necessary for that.

What do we have? Craig’s List: a surging river of earnest, if socially retarded men and women looking to catch a Mets game and then maybe hump. So in an effort to start spring off with a bang, I offer my favorite display of desperation of the day: “Last Minute Plans.”

Sadly, I may have to take this guy up on his offer because I just found my husband’s post.

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This is part 2 in the Mets Update for Girls series. You can relive the magic of part 1 here.

Note: Regarding the title of this invaluable series, BrooklynSkeptic is not wedded (ha ha) to traditional gender roles. But there they are, nonetheless.

I love inspirational sports movies. LOVE them. It is my favorite genre after epic fantasyRudy, The Karate KidVarsity Blues, Bad News Bears, Cool Runnings, Hoosiers, Remember the Titans, Miracle, Mighty Ducks, D2, D3, et cetera. Please feel free to add your own fave inspirational sports movie.

Anyway, what makes watching Dawson Leary sweat and yell and scream his team into victory so much more exciting than Michael Turner tossing around the ole pigskin?

The answer is…..

Backstory! In a movie, you get to see their trials and tribulations as the new kid in school who just can’t fit in, or the hard luck coach who just can’t get it together, or the Jamaican bobsled team who’s never seen snow before!

At this point you may be saying to yourself yes yes I’m totally with you, but what does this have to do with the Mets?

The answer is that the Mets are the only pro sports team that I would want to see in a feature-length movie. And guess what? They wouldn’t even need to cast FPJ as the All-American wonder boy or SLJ as the wisened coach. The Mets has those positions, and more, already filled by the most charming and lovable and photogenic men around!

Adorable 2006 Mets

Look at those precious poonums!

It’s not only me that thinks so. The Metropolitan Men have been getting a lot of press lately, filled with references to how much more charming and lovable they are than the Yankees.

See first the Village Voice article on Jose Reyes, “the most exciting and most handsome player in baseball”! (note: items in italics added by editor)

He is kind and adorable and loves reggaeton. Also, when you go to the games at Shea right around the 3rd Inning if you direct your attention to the jumbo-tron you will get the best Spanish lesson of your life from Profesor Reyes. Learn to say dedos or la puerta and he will melt your corazon.

 See second the NY Mag article on David Wright, who is young and handsome and corn-fed. The article explores whether David Wright is possibly too perfect. The answer? No, not really.

Here they are together:

reyeswright.jpg

There are many other talented and charming players on the team, and I encourage them to keep your eyes out for them, as I will.

So, in conclusion, when you think of the Mets in terms of inspirational sports movies it opens up a world of possibilities! When is the scene where Emilio Estevez drives out on the ice? How will we know when Rudy has finally gotten into Notre Dame? What about when, um, Kurt Russell, um, uh, uses his hatred of communism to win a hockey match? Yeah, what about that?!?

The answer is, of course, that you should to watch the Amazin’s and find out for yourself! And once you find that sweet spot, when Reyes’ every steal of a base steals your heart right along with it, then you’ve arrived and like Miss Joey Potter, you may be ready to move past that boy from the creek.

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Might I suggest something for the sappy and/or jaded among us?

The New York Times online has a video series called “Vows” in which a pair of young, affluent New Yorkers explain how they fell in love and got engaged. Oh sure, they had their trials – she went off to Paris for a semester and fell for a man who warmed her WASPy heart with his thick accent while he stayed behind at Dartmouth, wearing Chinos and developing an addiction to single malt scotch. After graduation, he got into the hedge fund game and she found herself in PR for major publisher. Some time later, they ran into each other again at Balthazar and remembered the truth about their relationship. They must fulfill their destinies and create tiny, near-translucent children for whom they will hire a team of au pairs who will feed them caviar from a sippy cup.

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Bocce Thoughts #3

Friend and Plainclothesman,

You both present good cases. However, I must side with P-clothesman. I, like ‘man, find the “sport” to be nothing to cheer about. Bocce is, as previously stated, cute. Nothing more, nothing less. However, that doesn’t mean it’s a bad sport, it just means it’s a sport for, hmmmm, what’s a good word here? Wussies? Yes, wussies. Only replace the “w” with a “p.” Or don’t. That part’s up to you.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but it’s true. I’ve never feared an extremely talented/lucky bocce player. Have I wanted to punch one? Yes. But that’s because I find many bocce players to be whiners. And boy, do I hate whiners. I have however, encountered a pool shark so frightening, I spilled beer all over my pants. Although, that may have been due to my being overly intoxicated (with beer!), but nevertheless, it happened.

Now, this is not to say bocce is not a good bar game. It’s easy to pick up, mellow, and less exclusive than pool. And bocce players are generally nicer than those competing in a game of pool. But as a really, real competitive sport, I say nay-ish.

PS Who here would rather play a good game of Yahtzee (or dare I say, gambling Yahtzee) over both bocce and pool?

PPS Me.

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Brit Blog

My dear friend Alison has allowed me to link her Britney blog. Enjoy!

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…..’til Anal Sex.

NY Mag realizes what everyone has known for years: Anal Sex is fun to talk about.

Says Lisa, a recently divorced fortysomething from across the Hudson: “I think it can feel good for anyone—except if you’re too uptight about it, meaning, you’re literally tight-assed.”

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-Britney Spears has once again, checked out of rehab after only one day. Someone should tell her she should stay in rehab longer. And get a better wig.

-Naomi Cambell was quoted as saying, “I’m the only one of my friends who doesn’t have kids. If I don’t have them soon I’ll be under loads of pressure.” Good idea. Have some kids, Naomi, and then beat them up with your cell phone.

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