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Archive for the ‘Thirteen’ Category

As Recklesley and the rest of humanity celebrates the transition of Daniel Radcliffe (and his alter ego Harry Potter) from boyhood to stud muffin, a select group of honest and brave academics are taking up the story that the mainstream media chooses not to cover, and JK Rowling’s naive readers do not wish to hear. Much like the brave Xenophilius Lovegood, Tison Pugh and David L. Wallace are breaking the story which may well save our lives in their article, “Heteronormative Heroism and Queering the School Story in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter Series.” Although Pugh and Wallace find many admirable things to say about the Harry Potter series, such as the post-feminist landscape the book conjures for young children, they also worry about Harry’s tendency to fall back on heteronormative ideals of heroism. In case you didn’t attend a crazy liberal undergraduate institution, this basically means every time Harry wants to be strong and ditch Hermione and Ron to pursue Voldemort, he is breaking with the thematic structure of the book that celebrates difference and aberration to return to his caveman roots. This has severe implications:

“The danger of heteronormative heroism in the Harry Potter books is that it potentially reinscribes the problematic heterosexual/homosexual binary that critics such as Michel Foucault, Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick, and Jonathan Ned Katz identify as both policing desires and the identities constructed around those desires. This binary serves not only to stigmatize homosexuality and other expressions of sexual queerness; it also contributes to a concept of masculinity that marginalizes women and narrows the range of socially acceptable behaviors for men in ways that work to the detriment of all humanity.”

For those still in the dark about what this actually means, and what tangible impact it can have on your life, Eve Sedgwick makes the argument simpler, “Finally, this attempt to write a pure space where sexual deviancy does not exist will always result in a universal omnicide.”

Your scar going to get us out of this, Harry?

Jerk.

Speaking of jerks, the free market isn’t helping things either.

The elevation of the family to ideological preeminence guarantees that a capitalist society will reproduce not just children, but heterosexism and homophobia.”

– John D’Emilio

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I know you all are, like me, positively crapping yourselves in anticipation of the new Harry Potter book that’s coming out this Saturday. Will Harry live? Is Snape good or evil? Will Hermione finally get pregnant? These are all questions for which I am eagerly awaiting answers. I am actually, literally plotzing.

Happily, 99% of New York and the rest of the world is quietly freaking out with me. For instance, NY Magazine hasn’t been able to shut up about the new book, while the New York Times has been going back and forth with its possible spoiler coverage. For all you soulless fucks out there who don’t care about HP, at least you can take solace in the fact that all major media coverage is not on Paris Hilton this week.

In case anyone is wondering where a decent, liberal Brooklynite can pre-order her copy and attend a fabulous release party for 11-year-old geeks, I would suggest BookCourt on Court Street in Carroll Gardens. The party begins at 11:30pm on Friday night and will presumably continue until every child, up for hours after their bedtimes, starts crying and demanding juicy. As a grown-up (who finds it alarmingly difficult to stay up late), I’ll probably go pick my copy up on Saturday morning and then hide in a soundproof room for the next 24 hours, so I can finish the 800 page book with no interruptions. I like to hook up a dialysis machine for these occasions as well.

You’re my hero.

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Reck’, John’,

There is one Hero, or should I say anti-hero who is the most emo of them all. He is Sylar. The Hemo-ist Hemo in Hemoville (Brooklyn).

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The proof:

1) Black rimmed glasses? Check.
2) Black hair, side part? Check.
3) Forlorn look? Check.

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3a) Forlorn look often a result of being incapacitated due to drug induced paralysis? Check.
4) 5 O’clock shadow? Check.
5) Long sleeved Waffle undershirt with a black band t-shirt accentuating his slim physique? Check.

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6) Anti-establishment / sociopath? Check.

Sylar is bad ass and has EMO written all over him. Not only does he eat brains, he is also a momma’s boy (and what emo boi hasn’t written a song about, or secretly dreamed about going all Norman Bates on his mother?).

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If this anti-hero, or all aforementioned heroes for that matter aren’t emo, then prepubescent Conor Oberst didn’t look like Harry Potter in his first year at Hogwarts. There, I said it.

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By Guest Blogger, H.

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Marilyn Manson, 38, has just announced that he is adopting 19 year old, Evan Rachel Wood. And by adopting, I mean they’re dating. Grossness. I do not understand. What is the Manson appeal? Does he not wear white face makeup with smeared turquoise eye shadow, with a pair of mismatched color contacts? Oh wait, that’s exactly what he wears.

Fine couple, these two make. Fine couple indeed.

I am ‘turbed by this. In 2003 Evan Rachel Wood, for those of you who don’t know, was in a film called “Thirteen.” In this film, Wood was cast as a thirteen year old because….she was a thirteen year old. Or, I suppose possibly fourteen at the time of filming. Either way, a young one she was. And this film, “Thirteen,” is what catapulted Wood’s career. (Although, in my book ABC’s “Once and Again” is what really placed Wood on the Hollywood map. Mischa Barton too, for that matter. These two played same sex 8th grade lovers on the show. It was groundbreaking. You probably think I’m joking, but I am being so dead serious, it’s not even funny.) Anyway, my point is that Marilyn Manson is dating a girl whose most notable film is called, “Thirteen.” Not because thirteen was her lucky number, or because the film centers around Friday the 13th, but because the movie’s focus is a thirteen year old girl. Now, had “Thirteen” been made in 1903, rather than 2003, then yes, perhaps this would all make a little more sense. As I’m sure we’d all be a little less shocked had Manson decided to move onto dating corpses rather than actual humans. But this is not the case. Wood is a normal (looking) blonde, and Manson dresses like the anti-christ. Crazy relationship.

Manson quote: “I’ve found my double, my twin, with my new girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood,” Manson tells France’s Le Parisien newspaper. “She’s l9 and certainly that’s very young,” he added, “but that’s not a problem for me. She likes the same things as me. She understands I like to get up when night falls and go to sleep at dawn.”

Someone should tell Marilyn sleeping in until dusk is a tell-tale sign of depression. They should also let him know he probably shouldn’t be dating someone who is (literally) half his age. Although, I think that’s what Manson’s all about, disregarding the public’s opinion of him, and having people think he’s Josh Saviano from the “Wonder Years.”

Therefore, nothing can be done about these two.

So, let us sit back and judge this new, weird couple. But if we’re judging these two, we should probably be judging all May-December relationships:

Brian Austin Green (33) & Megan Fox (19)– They’re engaged. Although, in his defense, Green still looks about 25. And, is probably just as dumb as his 19 year old fiance.

That’s actually the only relationship I can think of right now, good thing it’s such an amazing one.

Now, as an ending note, I would like to address the fact that M. Manson is actually very intelligent. In interviews he is incredibly articulate, down to earth, and engaging. However, that does not excuse the fact that he looks as though he belongs in a satanic cult. And is dating a 19 year old.

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