It’s Valentine’s Day. Here is your tipsheet on Most/Least Romantic Spots in Brooklyn.
Stone Gazebos at Grand Army Plaza
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Most Romantic when: during a twilight stroll your beloved pulls you into the privacy of the gazebo for a surprise smooch.
- Least Romantic when: during a twilight solo stroll a stranger pulls you into the privacy for a surprise sodomy.
Dumont in Williamsburg
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Most Romantic when: you and your beloved enjoy delectable food and cocktails in a cozy, dimly lit environ.
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Least Romantic when: your beloved confirms his/her suspected lactose intolerance with a dish of Dumont’s famous macaroni & cheese. You wait it out, stacking the melting ice cubes in your glass.
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NOTE: Least Romantic scenario may happen at one of any number of dairy-serving romantic restaurants. Diner beware.
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Roller Skating in Crown Heights
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Most Romantic when: your beloved is actually Bow Wow and he has choreographed a special roller-dance dedicated to you, which he performs on the floor at Empire Roller Rink.
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Least Romantic when: you go to Empire and then remember that it closed a year and a half ago.
It was so awesome!
Ice Skating in Prospect Park
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Most Romantic when: your beloved is actually Sergei Grinkov and you are Ekaterina Gordeeva!
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Least Romantic when: you fall through the ice and no one saves you. You become a ghostly spectre that forever haunts the Carriage House.
Role-Playing LOTR in Your Apartment (if you live in Brooklyn, that is)
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Most Romantic when: you are open to basking in unabashed man love.
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Least Romantic when: NEVER NOT ROMANTIC.
Coney Island
Photo by Oneiroi
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Most Romantic when: you snag a cart on the Wonder Wheel and make out with your beloved.
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Least Romantic when: a carnie stows away in your cart and has his/her way with you.
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NOTE: Least Romantic scenario may in fact turn into Most Romantic scenario, contingent upon teeth, smell, size of hands of carnie.
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The Promenade at Brooklyn Heights
Photo by Oneiroi
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Most Romantic when: you are listening to Sufjan Stevens, writing in your journal, overlooking the city, pondering the twee-ness of it all, when your soon-to-be beloved’s pet bulldog starts humping your leg. Romance ensues.
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Least Romantic when: you are listening to Sufjan Stevens, writing in your journal, overlooking the city, pondering the twee-ness of it all, when somebody’s pitbull starts biting your face. Bloodloss ensues.
