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Archive for the ‘Sucks’ Category

Oh my god, this show is so bad. Did you watch it? Because I did. And I want my money back. I want NBC to reimburse me for my hour that is now forever lost.

I know “Quarterlife” doesn’t deserve any attention, but you know when something is so bad you have to talk about it? This is how I feel about “Quarterlife.” Hence, I will briefly go over the main points of the soon to be defunct show.

The protagonist, Dylan (a girl), exposes her roommates’ secrets on her video blog and something shocking happens, they find out. Chaos ensues.

Apparently while attending college Dylan lived in a closet, preventing her from ever witnessing the consequential shitstorm that occurs after someone discovers their roommate complains about them on their livejournal, I mean blog. Otherwise her naivety wouldn’t have her thinking no one reads or, I guess in her case, watches her blog. Anyway, this is basically what we, the viewers, find out from Dylan’s rantings:

Danny and Deborah are a couple.

Deborah and Danny

But Jed is in love with Deborah.

Jed

But Dylan is in love with Jed.

Dylan

But Andy wants to sleep with Dylan.

Andy

And no one cares about the slutty alcoholic actress.

Lisa

That’s basically it. The entire series. Right there.

I know you’re thinking that there must be at least one redeemable aspect of the show. Like the dialogue. Maybe the dialogue makes up for .25life’s bad plot lines. Well, I’ll let you be the judge of that.

[Here’s a playful scene between Jed and Deb where they’re throwing some disgusting mayonnaise at each other. Remember, Jed wants to share his life with Deb. And now Deb knows this. But she’s with Danny. So things are awkward. Enjoy.]

Deb: YOU are disgusting
Jed: I’m disgusting?
Deb: Yes.
Deb: You disgust me.
Jed: Well you know what, YOU disgust ME.
Deb: I do?
Jed: Absolutely.
(pause)
Deb: Why do I disgust you?
Jed: You don’t disgust me.
Deb: Then why did you say I disgust you?
Jed: Because I always speak in opposites.
Deb: So, I don’t disgust you?
Jed: No.
(pause)
Jed: You fill me with….
(pause)
Deb: With what?
(pause)
Jed: Longing.

Deb: Oh, Jed.
Jed: Shut up, Debra.
Deb: I can’t shut up.
Jed: I don’t want you to.
Deb: You don’t?
Jed: I love your voice too much.

SO good. I wonder if this script was written during the writer’s strike, so NBC sought out someone random to write this scene. And that random person was me. In 6th grade. Because these lines are eerily similar to a scene of a play I wrote with a friend in junior high. I’m just saying. I no longer keep in touch with this person, and she has the original copy.

But seriously. NBC? Directors? Producers? Did you not see the show before it aired? When shooting did you not think to yourself, “Maybe we should rethink some of these lines, and the overall plot. Because, I’m just going to put it out there, this show sucks.”

I simply don’t understand. WHY ARE YOU SO BAD, “QUARTERLIFE”?

Oh well. On the upside, this frees up one more hour a week on my DVR. Which I need. To make room for all those IFC movies I intend to record but will never watch.

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