Archive for the ‘Sicko’ Category

After winning 8 out of their previous 10 games, the mets went to Denver on Monday to face the outcast Kazuo Matsui and his fellow Colorado Rockies. It is with great sadness that I now report, over the course of the three-game series, the Mets (like the Yankees a few weeks before), were SWEPT by the Rockies. Moreover, the total runs scored in the series favored the Rockies by a whopping 34-12. Yesterday they won 17-7. Yikes.

oy vey.

As you might have noticed (just now, while you were reading the previous sentence) the Mets did score 7 runs yesterday. This is usually enough to win a game. When you score 7 runs and lose, it’s because your pitching is terrible. That understood, it’s time to brace our-Mets loving-selves for a rough few weeks ahead.

The pitching staff the Mets have been relying on for August and September, when the games really start to count, is as follows: Tom Glavine, Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez, John Maine, Oliver Perez and Pedro Martinez. As we all know, Pedro has not pitched at all this season, after not pitching (well) all of last season due to a bum shoulder that he finally had surgery on last summer. In his place, Pedro has been ably replaced by the surprisingly consistent Jorge Sosa.

In the past week, however, any consistency the Mets hoped to rely on has been swept out from under our feet, as both Sosa and Perez have joined Pedro on the Disabled List, being replaced by the woeful Mike Pelfrey and Jason Vargas. Moreover, Glavine (41) and El Duque (listed as 36, but actually 42), have really been showing their age lately.

So with two old goats and two crying babies surrounding him in the rotation, who is John Maine to turn to for help? The Mets resident sour-puss (and Brooklyn’s Skeptic’s favorite badboy) Paul “Bazooka” LoDuca, shared his thoughts after Sunday’s loss…

“It was a helpless feeling this weekend. We couldn’t do anything to stop them. We could have had Jesus on the mound and they still would have gotten hits.”

He CAN help you hit curveball...

Maybe so, Paul…but at times like this, it couldn’t hurt to put him out there and give him a chance.

So Jesus, if you’re reading this…Willie Randolph wants you to start warming up in the bullpen. I know President David Palmer said you couldn’t help him hit curveball, but that was years ago…get over it…we really could use your help.

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