Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Olsen Twins’ Category

For the sake of accuracy (which, admittedly, we aren’t big fans of around here – i.e. dragon bones), I must offer a rubuttal to Johnbaptisedme’s earlier post about Rufus Wainwright.

1. The revered editor suggested that Wainwright’s attending the opera three times a week was pretentious and possibly a lie. Let it be noted that the Metropolitan Opera recently commissioned Wainwright to write an original opera. So yes, he’s really into opera. Almost like someone who writes operas would be.

2. He does not consider himself the Messiah. For proof, I direct you to the lyrics of the song “Gay Messiah”:

No, it will not be me
Rufus the Baptist I be
No, I won’t be the one
Baptized in cum

Clearly, he does not believe that he is Jesus. He just wants to annoint the risen Messiah with his love juices. I think this is an impulse we all share.

And anyway, “John Baptised Me,” is it possible that someone is calling the kettle black?

Rufus Wainwright – Not The Gay Messiah

3. Holy, sweet, merciful fuck. Beyonce actually does suck. She’s just not a good musician. Her songs catchy, it’s true. And I agree with Rufus that it has more to do with modern pop music being more of a science than an art. We’ve all heard the stories of Rivers Cuomo sitting in a windowless room deconstructing Nirvana songs until they are naught but mathematical formulas.

It’s not Beyonce’s fault that she sucks, and you can’t logically blame Rufus either. You can only blame our inordinately low standards.

4. For some good songs, I direct you to Hallelujah (a cover), Vibrate, 14th Street, Go or Go Ahead, California, and my very favorite, Oh What A World. You don’t get much better in terms of classically-influenced composition, vocal control, pre-mature middle age crises and gay wit. Bitch makes me want to take my pants off.

Read Full Post »

MK&A

As you all know, Mary-Kate & Ashley turned 21 yesterday. On a date not yet designated as a national holiday, the two celebrated at celeb hot-spot Chateau Marmont with champagne and red velvet cake.

But, as People reports…

the true present for Mary-Kate was the guy sitting next to her. After giving the last toast, the 20-something blond kissed her lovingly before she jumped into his lap and gave him a peck on his chin. As she looked through her birthday cards, he brushed her cheek with one hand and caressed the back of her sheer black dress.

Um, ew. PDAs don’t even make me uncomfortable, but that description is gross. I guess People is now hiring soft-core authors to do their gossip columns. I’m hoping for some descriptions of celebs ‘pumping gas hard as the meter softly undulates to FULL.’ EW!

In some truly touching shit, the MK&A website has a whole bunch of birthday wishes from fans. Here are some that got me all teary:

Hello Ashley and Mary-Kate,
…You guys were my idols…. I live with the phylosophy that you should tell people when they are appreciated, so here goes. You guys are truely amazing women…. I love the way that you reach for the skies and get there. It’s inspiring. I think that it is great how you took the day off. You deserve it. I also want you to know that the people that grew up with you, don’t care about what the media has to say, we are behind you. Hope that you have a birthday as wonderful as you are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ASHLEY and MARY-KATE

with much admiration and respect
-*Jacque*

HI MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY
ITS ME AGAIN YOUR BIGGIST FAN JOUDE THE GIRLIE GIRL FIRST I WANNA SAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH I CANT STOP THINKING
ABOUT YOU TWO, I WANNA SAY TO MARY-KATE THAT YOUR CUTE
AND ASHLEY YOUR ADORIBEL.NEVER FORGET ME.
HOPE FOR YOU THE BEST WISHES.
FROM YOUR BIGGIST FAN IN THE HOLE WORLD JOUDE

happy birthday u 2 when i woke up this morningat 8 o clock my phone started ringing i thought someone was ringing me but it was just a reminder that today is yere birthday
love ye lots
love emily

I can relate to these girls, for sure. Who didn’t spend countless nights on her friends’ parents’ couch watching Winning London and Holiday in the Sun? Who didn’t help her crutches-bound friend hobble up the stairs to watch NY Minute on the big screen? Certainly not me. I didn’t not do those things.

So happy birthday girls. Though your Wal-Mart exclusive poster no longer graces my walls, your little bodies and big heads are still in my heart.

Read Full Post »