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Archive for the ‘Olsen Twins’ Category

Due to my being incredibly ill and full of expectorant, I will make this rebuttal short and sweet.

1. I believe my main argument was that Rufus Wainwright loves himself too much. And I think I’m still right.

2. I was raised Catholic and never felt the want or need to “anoint the risen Messiah with [my] love juices.” So this is not an impulse we all share. And yes, you caught me, my pen name might be a reflection of my thinking I am God’s son. However, I think we all know this is because the Lord used to beat me during my 9 years at Catholic school, so my “name” is paying homage to the big G more than anything else. As he is, my father.

3. You are allowed to think Beyonce sucks. Wainwright is allowed to think Beyonce sucks. Jay-Z is allowed to think Beyonce sucks. But don’t make it seem like you’re above mainstream and modern day media. Especially if you’re a fan of Perez Hilton.

SPIN: Do you read PerezHilton.com?

Wainwright: I think Perez actually likes me, which I don’t want to change. So please be kind.

So apparently when Wainwright is talking about low standards in the media, he’s not counting the paparazzi whores who have made their fortunes off of posting candid celebrity photos that feed into the public’s obsession with current pop culture. (I personally am a fan of Perez, but I am also a fan of Beyonce and… “The Simple Life.” Wainwright didn’t outwardly express disdain for “Life” but I imagine he thinks it, “formulaic and produced in a way that’s utterly mesmerizing in the basest way.” That is my new favorite quote, fyi.)

4. “Oh What a World” is a great song. I agree. But as sugarham already pointed out, Wainwright’s rendition of “Hallelujah” is nothing but a carbon copy of Jeff Buckley’s, what I consider to be, masterpiece…even if that too was a cover. But more importantly, four or five good songs does not warrant such arrogance, I don’t think it does anyway. Unless you’re Justin Timberlake. (The man can do no wrong, in my eyes.) Or, for credibility’s sake, genius bands like Radiohead and Do Make Say Think.

5. Writing an opera or not, Wainwright is still a pretentious douche, like the man found below.

(Pretentious Douche)

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For the sake of accuracy (which, admittedly, we aren’t big fans of around here – i.e. dragon bones), I must offer a rubuttal to Johnbaptisedme’s earlier post about Rufus Wainwright.

1. The revered editor suggested that Wainwright’s attending the opera three times a week was pretentious and possibly a lie. Let it be noted that the Metropolitan Opera recently commissioned Wainwright to write an original opera. So yes, he’s really into opera. Almost like someone who writes operas would be.

2. He does not consider himself the Messiah. For proof, I direct you to the lyrics of the song “Gay Messiah”:

No, it will not be me
Rufus the Baptist I be
No, I won’t be the one
Baptized in cum

Clearly, he does not believe that he is Jesus. He just wants to annoint the risen Messiah with his love juices. I think this is an impulse we all share.

And anyway, “John Baptised Me,” is it possible that someone is calling the kettle black?

Rufus Wainwright – Not The Gay Messiah

3. Holy, sweet, merciful fuck. Beyonce actually does suck. She’s just not a good musician. Her songs catchy, it’s true. And I agree with Rufus that it has more to do with modern pop music being more of a science than an art. We’ve all heard the stories of Rivers Cuomo sitting in a windowless room deconstructing Nirvana songs until they are naught but mathematical formulas.

It’s not Beyonce’s fault that she sucks, and you can’t logically blame Rufus either. You can only blame our inordinately low standards.

4. For some good songs, I direct you to Hallelujah (a cover), Vibrate, 14th Street, Go or Go Ahead, California, and my very favorite, Oh What A World. You don’t get much better in terms of classically-influenced composition, vocal control, pre-mature middle age crises and gay wit. Bitch makes me want to take my pants off.

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Once upon a time I owned two Rufus Wainwright CDs. For some reason I thought that I enjoyed his music. I was sorely mistaken. After listening to 7+ tracks in a row of his self titled album, “Rufus Wainwright,” I realized if I wanted to hear to a nasally voice I would tune into a rerun of “Family Matters,” not listen to a collection of 13 serious songs. (This is just my opinion. Please don’t stone me.)

In any case, I’d like to share with you a couple quotes from his recent interview with SPIN magazine. You can make the comparisons between Wainwright and Narcissus yourself. Enjoy.

Spin: Are you sick of cult success?

Rufus Wainwright: I wouldn’t say that I’m sick of it. I go to the opera three times a week, I hang around in my bathrobe reading Susan Sontag, and I get foot massages from my German boyfriend – I’m going to be fine. That being said, I want to be part of culture. I’m scared of what young people are being force-fed. I’m sick of trash culture.

(Me: That response just made me [theoretically] vomit up my lunch. And really, three operas a week? Not since the Renaissance has anyone attended 2+ operas in a seven day period.)

Spin: Anything specifically?

Rufus Wainwright: I’m really sick of Beyonce. All of her songs are formulaic and produced in a way that’s utterly mesmerizing in the basest way. There’s no enlightenment. Like most pop these days, it’s more of a scientific experiment than an artistic experience. But hey, it’s your life, you know?

(Me: Despite the fact that Rufus Wainwright considers himself to be a reincarnate of Christ, I’ve never found Wainwright’s music to be particularly enlightening. Therefore, I don’t think he should be criticizing the work of Ms. Beyonce Knowles. Beyonce who gave us greats like “Baby Boy” and “Crazy in Love.” And let us not forget the time she warned us about not being ready for her jelly in “Bootylicious.” Which I appreciate. She cares about us, the fans. That shows character. Wainwright on the other hand probably hates most of the people who listen to his music. I will share with you an example that backs up this theory: I once heard a story involving Wainwright, Vassar College, and an “uber hipster” crowd. In this tale, after playing his show, Wainwright chose to pay attention only to those in tight jeans, greased hair, and baby tees, aka, the “ubers,” and ignored the rest of his fans. This is not surprising. I’m sure he and his newfound friends probably had discussions about feminism and Susan Sontag, and then immediately after stared at their reflections for three consecutive hours.

Now, I’m not saying my musical talents surpass those of Wainwright’s, though, I was first clarinet in junior high. But I do think Wainwright is one of the most ridiculous human beings in the music industry. If you ask me, I think he should spend less time thinking he is a god among men, and more time on writing some life-altering music. And in the end, are songs “produced in a way that’s utterly mesmerizing in the basest way” that bad? I’m sure if you look in Wainwright’s CD selection, you will find at least a few (bad) pop albums. But he will most likely tell you he only likes those artists in an ironic sense. They always do.)

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MK&A

As you all know, Mary-Kate & Ashley turned 21 yesterday. On a date not yet designated as a national holiday, the two celebrated at celeb hot-spot Chateau Marmont with champagne and red velvet cake.

But, as People reports…

the true present for Mary-Kate was the guy sitting next to her. After giving the last toast, the 20-something blond kissed her lovingly before she jumped into his lap and gave him a peck on his chin. As she looked through her birthday cards, he brushed her cheek with one hand and caressed the back of her sheer black dress.

Um, ew. PDAs don’t even make me uncomfortable, but that description is gross. I guess People is now hiring soft-core authors to do their gossip columns. I’m hoping for some descriptions of celebs ‘pumping gas hard as the meter softly undulates to FULL.’ EW!

In some truly touching shit, the MK&A website has a whole bunch of birthday wishes from fans. Here are some that got me all teary:

Hello Ashley and Mary-Kate,
…You guys were my idols…. I live with the phylosophy that you should tell people when they are appreciated, so here goes. You guys are truely amazing women…. I love the way that you reach for the skies and get there. It’s inspiring. I think that it is great how you took the day off. You deserve it. I also want you to know that the people that grew up with you, don’t care about what the media has to say, we are behind you. Hope that you have a birthday as wonderful as you are.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
ASHLEY and MARY-KATE

with much admiration and respect
-*Jacque*

HI MARY-KATE AND ASHLEY
ITS ME AGAIN YOUR BIGGIST FAN JOUDE THE GIRLIE GIRL FIRST I WANNA SAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH I CANT STOP THINKING
ABOUT YOU TWO, I WANNA SAY TO MARY-KATE THAT YOUR CUTE
AND ASHLEY YOUR ADORIBEL.NEVER FORGET ME.
HOPE FOR YOU THE BEST WISHES.
FROM YOUR BIGGIST FAN IN THE HOLE WORLD JOUDE

happy birthday u 2 when i woke up this morningat 8 o clock my phone started ringing i thought someone was ringing me but it was just a reminder that today is yere birthday
love ye lots
love emily

I can relate to these girls, for sure. Who didn’t spend countless nights on her friends’ parents’ couch watching Winning London and Holiday in the Sun? Who didn’t help her crutches-bound friend hobble up the stairs to watch NY Minute on the big screen? Certainly not me. I didn’t not do those things.

So happy birthday girls. Though your Wal-Mart exclusive poster no longer graces my walls, your little bodies and big heads are still in my heart.

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