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Archive for the ‘NYC Condoms’ Category

NYC Condoms v. 2.0

My very favorite public health initiative of 2007 is back with a vengeance this Valentines day – NYC condoms! Having given out 36 million free condoms last year, the NYC Department of Health is trying for even more in 2008. While the new condoms themselves are the same, the packaging and branding is all fresh and new. Because you know how the kids are! Horny and with deficient attention.

So New York, GET SOME!

brooklyn-condom.jpg

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New York Magazine can be counted on to cover the hard-hitting issues that affect New Yorkers most deeply. This week, in the Sex and Love issue, the magazine went the extra mile to discover how incredibly nasty New Yorkers are. There was an article about the politics of MILFhood, another about hipsters talking about their bedroom steez, and, my favorite, The Sex Diaries, wherein “regular” New Yorkers write down every sexual encounter or thought they have in one week. No wonder 40,000 people in New York have Chlamydia. I think most of those cases were personally distributed by the people profiled this week.

For the sake of full disclosure, I am of the opinion that too much sex leads to insanity, baldness, hairy palms, stuttering and dirty sheets. But I’m willing to concede that an enormous amount of fucking can be a healthy part of a balanced lifestyle. You know, just not my lifestyle. Or the lifestyle of anyone I know. And if I did know people who did what these people do, I would probably need to don a glove to shake their hands. I’m like, since when did “polyamorous” become a familiar adjective? It’s not even in my spellcheck.

So I thought I would just throw my sex diary out there. So everyone else would feel better about theirs.

The Cynical Blogger: female, 23, proletarian, Park Slope, single.

Saturday: Team of five male friends surrounded me at all times, preventing all possibility of a hook up.
Sunday: Nothing.
Monday: Watched Mets game.
Tuesday: Nothing.
Wednesday: Got groped on the subway.
Thursday: Played bocce with a very hot man, who may or may not have been part of the Aryan Underground Bocce League.
Friday: Nothing.

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I suppose it’s every mayor’s prerogative to clean something up in the city before his time is up. Fiorello LaGuardia, the Little Flower, crusaded against corruption. Rudy Giuliani, the Little Catholic, made it his business to cut down crime via fixing broken windows and making people scoop dog poop.

And Michael Bloomberg, the Little Billionaire, is all up in our shit. Early on, he became mortal enemies with 90% of New Yorkers by banning smoking in bars. At this point, only about 5% of people still hate him for that and they’ll all be dead soon anyway. Now he’s just looking to keep New York over-crowded, apartment availability at around 1%, and our subways like sardine cans. Our mayor is trying his darndest to keep up alive. Because there is absolutely nothing he can do to keep us safe from other people, Bloomberg is just protecting us from ourselves, one fragile bit at a time.

The Lungs: Banned smoking in bars
The Arteries: Banned trans-fats from restaurants
The Baby-makers: Distributed millions of NYC branded condoms
The Foreskin: Offering free circumcisions to prevent the transmission of HIV

For the record, I understand the no smoking in bars. It’s just bad. I think we can all basically agree with that. I, personally, agree with the trans-fat thing because their very existence scares the bejeezus out of me. However, I’m a little concerned with how much thought the mayor is putting into the collective wang of NYC. And I’m also kind of touched. Yes, in that way.

Update: Bloomberg not so interested in our bloomers – Today, he recanted his administration’s circumcision proposal. Oh well. I’m sure he’ll be talking about my fallopia tomorrow.

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There is a certain time of year when 50 degrees seems pleasant and weak afternoon sunlight streaming through your lager reminds you of laying out by the pool with a daiquiri. As the weather becomes less ferocious, we’re all looking for one thing: outdoor happy hour.

Yesterday, we hit up Abilene on Court Street, between 2nd and 3rd Place. I don’t know what this neighborhood is called because I believe anything west of the Gowanus is the nexus of the universe. The bar has several tables outside, which leaves ample doggie-petting opportunities while you’re shivering in the anemic sunshine. Once hypothermia set in, we moved inside where the gigantic street-level windows gave us the feeling that we were still outside, but without the crippling chill.

The photograph above is an example of this bar’s bathroom graffiti. It offers a pretty good picture of the clientele at this particular establishment. Nerds. It is reason enough to check this place out.

Abilene
442 Court Street
F or G to Carroll
Brooklyn, NY

$3 beers and well drinks until 8pm! Board games and NYC Condoms available at the bar!

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a-train.gifc-train.gife-train.gifin the hole.

s-train.gif Short, limited service. Perfect for so many men I’ve dated.

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j-train.gifz-train.gifm-train.gif You pretty much know what you’re getting with the JZM Condom. It’s mostly in Brooklyn, but there’s a quick in and out through Manhattan.

4-train.gif5-train.gif The 4/5 Condom is smooth and efficient. It’ll get you there fast and it hardly ever breaks.

airtrain.gif  The AirTrain Condom is just like all the other condoms, but more expensive, modern and confusing. Give yourself at least two hours per use.

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The NYC Condoms are Brooklyn Skeptic’s new favorite things. However, we figure that if you’re going to make them MTA themed, you might as well go all the way (so to speak). Here are the first two in BS’s line of NYC Condoms.

g-train.gifThe G Condom can be found in the F packaging from 12:00AM to 5:00AM Monday – Friday. It is unreliable, at best.

l-train.gif The L Condom is characterized by its asymmetrical cut. It works well on the weekdays, but you should have a Plan B for the weekend.

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