Archive for the ‘Not Bad’ Category

The world can be a confusing place. Between words and pictures, pictures and words, how are we supposed to interpret everyday happenings? Well, fear not. Brooklyn Skeptic has employed the services of a certified Body Language Expert who is here to answer all of your questions about any given photo from the interweb.

First up? Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus’ “racy” sleepover photos (thank you, ns4w.org)

OK, I guess it is in fact suitable for work.

Brooklyn Skeptic: I’m totally confused. What on earth is going on here?

Body Language Expert: Just calm down there. What’s your first guess?

Brooklyn Skeptic: Well, I guess I’d say it has something to do with the zoo? Or maybe animal rights? That’s a giraffe in there, isn’t it?

Body Language Expert: Close. That’s called a zebra print, and Miss Cyrus is employing what we call a ‘do rag’ to cover her head. Body Language Expertise is all about making educated guesses (hypotheses) and so, being a professional, I’d say that a) Miss Cyrus is a recently married Orthodox Jewish woman who, by religious decree, must cover her head, b) Miss Cyrus has just learned that she was in fact adopted by Billy Ray and that her true parents are zebras, and she’s trying to commune with them, or c) she is covering a Britney-esque crazy-shave job.

Brooklyn Skeptic: Those all make so much sense! You’re amazing at this. What else?

Body Language Expert: Let’s take a look at those eyes. They’re the gateway to the soul, you know.

Brooklyn Skeptic: Soh-owl?

Body Language Expert: Well. Ahem. Anyway, Cyrus’s no-name friend is looking off to the side. This could indicate that she is slightly nervous, or uncomfortable. Her body is physically close to Cyrus, but her eyes are miles away. A more likely scenario, however, is that these kooky little girls dropped some acid earlier and she’s watching little green Shia LaBeoufs made out of marshmallow do a lurid dance.

Brooklyn Skeptic: Fascinating! That sounds delicious. What about the zebra Jew?

Body Language Expert: Well, those are alpha eyes if ever I saw them. Her direct eye contact with the camera says, “I know I’m sexy. I know you want me. Come and get me.” Think Rex Manning in Empire Records. Think Jennifer Biel in that Maxim shoot. Think Osama Bin Laden’s early videos. Or maybe she’s asserting her dominance over the camera and camera operator. If this were a live video we could expect to hear short puffs of air being expressed through her nostrils. Her zebra mommy and daddy would be so proud!

Her pursed lips are reminiscent of late-era Goldie Hawn – I think that they should probably be evaluated by a certified Plastic Surgery Expert, as they do not look capable of expressing any emotions other than ‘pouty gross inuendo.’

Brooklyn Skeptic: You’re a master! Finally, what about her fingers? Has she somehow developed carpool tuna syndrum?

Body Language Expert: You remind me of a young Prince Charles.

Brooklyn Skeptic:

Body Language Expert: The hands of random girl are relaxed, indicating that she is in a relaxed state. Cyrus appears to be flashing some sort of gang symbol. My educated guess (hypothesis) is that she is referring to a secret known only by her and the camera operator – a plot to cut dead into the center of her friend’s chest and pluck out her heart. Her fingers are scissoring slowly but inexorably towards the breastplate, where by sheer force of will and an adamantium fingertip installed by Disney, she will pierce the bone and continue on to the gooey innards.

Brooklyn Skeptic: There you have it, dear readers! Send us your questions for the Body Language Expert and you’ll be curious no more!

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Marilyn Manson’s video for his new single “Heart Shaped Glasses,” (which was inspired by his new barely legal girlfriend…I guess she wears glasses in the shape of hearts) is somewhat disturbing. I was originally going to post the video on here, but decided that might be dangerous territory since it’s basically pornography. But you can find it on youtube. Just type in: “Marilyn Manson + Heart Shaped Glasses.” (It’s a very complicated procedure.)

Now, initially after screening “Heart Shaped Glasses,” I felt compelled to write a post about how crude and inappropriate I found the video to be. And how I was convinced it was produced by the devil. (On a side note : Rumor has it the video’s initial sex scene between Manson and his 19 year-old girlfriend, Evan Rachel Wood, was not simulated– meaning actual sex was had and filmed. Thoughts?) But then, just as I was about to cross over into the “New Document” tab, I looked over at youtube.com’s “related” clips and noticed a “Henry Rollins Interviews Marilyn Manson (Part 1 of 2)”. Intrigued. I was intrigued. So intrigued I watched both parts of the interview.

For those of you who have seen “Bowling for Columbine,” you know just how articulate and intelligent Marilyn Manson is. But if you’re at all adjusted to social norms, you’ve most likely forgotten exactly how engaging you found him to be in the film, and in most recent months, have been focusing your “Manson” judgments towards his smudged lipstick and the fact that he’s dating a very young, impressionable girl who, in his latest video, he makes out with in a pool of blood.

But after this Henry Rollins interview, my opinion of Manson has been altered back to the state it was in after first viewing “Columbine.” I’m not saying I would date Manson, but I am saying I can understand why someone would/might. Pretty crazy turnaround, huh? But before you label me as someone with a warped sense of who’s hot and who’s not, I suggest clicking the “play” button below and watching the interview yourself. You might find it enlightening.



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My charming and incredibly handsome roommate has informed me of several updates in Gowanus. First of all, apparently Sludgie was not the first whale seen in the Gowanus area. I especially like the part when someone compares Gowanus to “a ‘region of the dead,’ like the River Styx of mythology.” Comforting.

And secondly, Gowanus Yacht Club is set to open this weekend! For those of you unfamiliar with the bar, it is all outdoors and incredibly cheap. On their menu are some 22oz. Ballantine’s for a cheap price (and various other beers), as well as grill food. I wholly intend to quit my job and spend the rest of the summer sitting there. Perhaps we’ll see each other there sometime.

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I want to say, this has been a tough week. Lots of negative things going on. But you…you brightened people’s hearts. The idea of a whale in Brooklyn put a smirk on all of our faces.

I hoped you could have moved on, found a group of fellow whales, swam away in cleaner, gentler waters…(less bodies, shrapnel, and toxic sludge)

In the words of beloved Mayor Bloomberg, “My thoughts are with the whale.”

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Had I known. That. There was a whale. Down the street from me. In. The Gowanus Canal. I. Would have. Dropped whatever I was doing. To. See. That. Shit.

I. Love. Whales.

In all seriousness though, there being a whale in the Gowanus Canal both worries and excites me. I worry due to the canal’s poisonous toxins, but I am excited because there was a whale in Brooklyn.

Sea life is so amazing.

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west hartford whale

A WHALE in Gowanus Canal!!

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There is a certain time of year when 50 degrees seems pleasant and weak afternoon sunlight streaming through your lager reminds you of laying out by the pool with a daiquiri. As the weather becomes less ferocious, we’re all looking for one thing: outdoor happy hour.

Yesterday, we hit up Abilene on Court Street, between 2nd and 3rd Place. I don’t know what this neighborhood is called because I believe anything west of the Gowanus is the nexus of the universe. The bar has several tables outside, which leaves ample doggie-petting opportunities while you’re shivering in the anemic sunshine. Once hypothermia set in, we moved inside where the gigantic street-level windows gave us the feeling that we were still outside, but without the crippling chill.

The photograph above is an example of this bar’s bathroom graffiti. It offers a pretty good picture of the clientele at this particular establishment. Nerds. It is reason enough to check this place out.

442 Court Street
F or G to Carroll
Brooklyn, NY

$3 beers and well drinks until 8pm! Board games and NYC Condoms available at the bar!

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Breezy Point

A counterpoint to Gowanus.

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I think there’s one more thing that must be noted about our favorite river of filth oozing through the heart of Brooklyn: subliminal messages.


It’s as though the under-appreciated body of water is saying, “look everyone, there is one other thing in the world that’s nastier than me.”


Gowanus Canal Debate Series: Yay
Gowanus Canal Debate Series: Nay
Gowanus Canal Debate Series: Yay II

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GowanusYou need to sit back and rethink your whole relationship with Brooklyn. I mean, don’t you learn to love all the mutated mice and slime of the one you hold dear, just like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally?

The best thing about Brooklyn is the toxic creatures, the muck, and the buildings that look like they’re leftover from “The Blitz” in WW2. After a while it makes you feel at home.

Really the canal adds to the overall atmosphere of Brooklyn. The quiet stagnant water reflecting the off-colored lights, the indefinable smells, the colorful graffiti…I don’t know why you love Brooklyn, but the irony of expensive boutiques and trendy cafe’s next to scenes of The Warriors…really tugs at my heartstrings.

Gowanus “yay”s pull in the lead.

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