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Archive for the ‘New York Times’ Category

The Times bestsellers
Nicholas Sparks, number 2.
This just in: schmaltz sells.

rain + great hair = timeless prose

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This Just In

Neck ties are “the Wes Anderson of the accessory world.”

Thanks, New York Times.

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In a surprising twist on common sense, the NY Times reports that the British Food Standards Agency just released a study finding that children with diets rich in food additives such as artificial colors and sodium benzoate are more likely to be diagnosed with ADD than other children.

 Is this seriously a surprise? And is this seriously a study where it’s even possible to iscolate a cause like that? What about exposure to commercials? Or time spent not exercising? Or whatever one of a million things that make kids today less able to pay attention, less able to stay healthy, and less able to retain information than they used to be, back in the day.

But apparently not everyone agrees that this is common sense.  Though the research stated…

“A mix of additives commonly found in children’s foods increases the mean level of hyperactivity… The finding lends strong support for the case that food additives exacerbate hyperactive behaviors (inattention, impulsivity and overactivity) at least into middle childhood.”

Some pediatricians (that’s right, doctors!) are arguing with the significance of the study.

“Even if it shows some increase in hyperactivity, is it clinically significant and does it impact the child’s life?” said Dr. Thomas Spencer, a specialist in Pediatric Psychopharmacology at Massachusetts General Hospital.

How does having attention defecit disorder NOT impact a child’s life? Has this guy met a child, ever? Who was the kid in your elementary school whose underwear SOMEHOW ended up in the middle of the room after recess, who SOMEHOW couldn’t keep his mouth shut and didn’t have any friends because he was such a freak, who SOMEHOW couldn’t stop cutting tiny holes into his ill-fitting sweatpants. Because in my school, it was the kid with severe ADD.

AND, don’t encourage the kids to avoid these processed and packaged foods (which obviously, besides their ADD-causing additives, are usually the healthiest food available, much better than fresh fruits and vegetables or whole grains) because it might make them freaks! And better to follow the crowd to disorders than to buck the trend and preserve your ability to sit in a seat for more than 10 minutes!

… some pediatricians cautioned that a diet without artificial colors and preservatives might cause other problems for children. Dr. Spencer [this guy is clearly a winner] asks, “Is it powerful enough that you want to ostracize your kid? It is very socially impacting if children can’t eat the things that their friends do.”

As Dr. Spencer was giving this interview, he was actually getting massaged by a big-boobed lady wearing nothing but 2 frito-lay bags and a coke bottle covering her privates. Who the shit is this guy working for? The next paragraph notes that he conceded that some children may be “super sensitive” to additives.

A few hundred 3 year olds and 8-9 year olds were given drinks with additives mimicking what’s in commercial drinks, equalling about the equivalent of 1 or 2 servings of candy a day. Another group was given placebos. Over a 6 week period all the kids were evaluated by teachers, parents, and a computer, and (duh!!!)…

…The researchers discovered that children in both age groups were significantly more hyperactive and that they had shorter attention spans if they had consumed the drink containing the additives. The study’s authors noted that other research suggested that the hyperactivity could increase in as little as an hour after artificial additives were consumed.

Fucking DUH! How is this even real??? The follow-up study to this will be, “children denied processed foods for 6 weeks perform better in school, wet the bed less, don’t develop childhood obesity or diabetes.”

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The weather isn’t supposed to be great this weekend, with the forecast calling for thunderstorms starting Friday evening. Here are the new releases for the weekend. Unless you’re seeing The Simpsons Movie, you might want to consider renting something.

I Know Who Killed Me: Lindsay’s new movie comes out on Friday. On Tuesday she wound up on the front page of every tabloid after being busted for driving under the influence and cocaine posession. Coincedence? I think not. What we are witnessing here is not the drunken escapade of a washed up, talentless “actress,” but the unfailing commitment of a devoted and accomplished thespian. Just to promote her new flick, LiLo selflessly gets herself busted for drunk driving and coke. Bravo, LiLo. Bravo. Oh yeah, and the movie’s about a stripper or something. It’s playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.

Lindsay Lohan

The Simpsons Movie: Everyone’s favorite American family finally hits the big screen after being on television for four hundred years. All I could gather from the trailer is that it’s going to be wacky, Bart skateboards naked and Homer falls in love with a pig. And that’s enough for me. This is my pick of the week. It’s playing at the United Artists on Court Street, the Prospect Park Pavilion and Cobble Hill Cinemas.

No Reservations: Catherine Zeta Jones and Aaron Eckhart (soon to be Harvey Dent) star in this cooking-based romantic comedy with a double entendre title. I’m guessing this movie will be best accompanied by a drinking game where a sip is taken each time someone uses cooking as a metaphor for life. Or each time Abigail Breslin does something adorable. This is playing at the Prospect Park Pavilion.

Who’s Your Caddy?: Don Michael Paul, who directed Half Past Dead and finally brought my dream of seeing a Steven Seagal/Ja Rule action movie to life, now directs this golf caper about a rapper who tries to join an exclusive country club. The trailer is painfully unfunny, so my guess is that the producers are banking on the hope that the movie-going community will find the title’s playful allusion to the phrase “Who’s Your Daddy?” simply too delightful to pass up. In addition to starring Outkast member Big Boi, this film has the draw of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off star and known pedophile Jeffrey Jones.

Lindsay Lohan

Moliere: The French playwright gets his own movie from writer/director Laurent Tirard. As I talked about last week, I have a particular (and peculiar) affinity for powdered wigs, so this is high on my radar. It’s playing at the Sunshine.

Arctic Tale: A documentary about polar bears, narrated by Queen Latifah. In the trailer there’s a scene where a bunch of walruses fart, and Queen Latifah makes a joke. So basically, if you saw March of the Penguins and thought that there weren’t enough fart jokes, this is your movie. This is playing at the Angelika.

Otherwise, Wet Hot American Summer is playing as the midnight movie on Friday at the Sunshine, Being John Malkovich is playing at the Brooklyn Bridge Park on Thursday and Repo Man will be playing next Tuesday at McCarren Park.

*Update: Shane Meadows’ new movie This is England is also opening at the IFC Center on Sixth Avenue. The movie is about Meadows’ experience as a Skinhead in the 1980’s in England, and has been getting fantastic reviews.

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Several weeks ago, I unfairly admonished the New York Times for its use of “ginormous” – as in something that is really big – in an article. I would like to rescind my criticism, as the word “ginormous” is, as of today, an actual word.

Of course, it’s actually the Times’ fault that the word is real at all. According to the Associated Press, “Merriam-Webster editors have spotted [“ginormous”] in countless newspaper and magazine articles since 2000. That’s essentially the criterion for making it into the collegiate dictionary — if a word shows up often enough in mainstream writing, the editors consider defining it.”

For those keeping score at this point: New York Times: 1; English language: 0

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A love song to the iPhone. Oh, Pogue. You’re so zany.

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After scrolling past the NYT piece titled “Why didn’t the JFK Plot Make the Front Page?” I came upon a tantilizing item called “Man Tries to Jump Into Popemobile.”

papamobile.jpg

Papacy rolls this deep.

popeb.jpg

How can I be a cowboy and a Nazi Youth?

But don’t worry, Benedicty is OK. NY Times reports that the man, wearing a pink t-shirt, did not want to hurt the Pope but only wanted to draw attention to himself. And Ratzy kept on keepin on.

From his perch on the jeep, the pope waves and blesses the crowd, and occasionally will bless a baby handed up to him by a security guard.

But really, who wouldn’t feel safe when you’re guarded by this guy?

swissguard.jpg

Zee swees gaard iz zo tuff.

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