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Archive for the ‘Justin Timberlake’ Category

One thing I forgot to mention last week was that Southland Tales, the new film from Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly, opens this Wednesday in Manhattan. Perhaps best known for being booed at the Cannes Film Festival recently, the movie also has possibly the most bizarre cast assembled in some time, consisting of people like The Rock, Seann William Scott, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Justin Timberlake, Kevin Smith and Christopher Lambert.

While it’s supposed to be a disaster, it definitely looks like an interesting disaster. Richard Kelly has been compared to David Lynch and David Cronenberg on several occasions, and even when those two fuck up, they fuck up with style. The movie is opening at two rather random theaters: The AMC Loews on 19th Street and Broadway, and the one on 84th Street and Broadway. Tickets are available at Fandango.

Southland Tales

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Brooklyn woke up on Sunday morning (afternoon) to its city streets glazed with vomit, broken bagpipes and an eerie green sheen. The slightly larger number of men in skirts had stumbled back to their homes, to shelve their guns and pint glasses. Hipsters, who donned accents that were essentially mispronunciations of vowels (roight) and a complete lack of the letter “T” (figh-ing), went back to just saying “bro” a lot. The DOT had begun the process of removing the drunks from the borough’s ditches.

Another successful St. Patty’s day has come and gone.

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Hey. I’m an Irish American. By that I mean that my family, a long while back, came to America on a boat from Ireland. And I have red hair and freckles. Allll over.

I’ve spent many a St. Patrick’s Day in the United States now, and I have to say, I’ve never enjoyed myself. I don’t particularly like this whole “tickle my shillelagh, everyone’s Irish on St. Patty’s Day, I’ve seen Boondock Saints so I know everything about Irish culture, someone get me a Miller Lite” kind of attitude. We, as Americans, have taken this day as an excuse to get drunk, and this year the day has fallen on a weekend, which means we’re going to get very drunk. We will find the closest thing to a pub that we can, which means most likely that we will look for those bars with Guinness signs, or pictures of Samuel Beckett or cute stickers that say “Tipping is not a city in China,” walk in, and get drunk.

My question is, does anyone really know what they’re celebrating? Or are they just celebrating the huge stereotype that the Irish are a bunch of loud drunken leprechauns? By that rationale, why don’t people celebrate, say, Martin Luther King Day by throwing a party that revolves around eating fried chicken and drinking malt liquor? Oh wait, they already did that.

Basically, this is a pointless rant. I’m just saying that maybe we, as a people, should learn a bit more about what we’re celebrating (or mourning, because St. Patrick’s Day is actually the anniversary of his supposed death) instead of just using it as an excuse to do jello shots and dance to Pour Some Sugar on Me on a bar. You can do that pretty much any time you want, and don’t worry, you don’t have to know why. For information on St. Patrick, see here.

I, meanwhile, am going to go out on Saturday. I’ll probably end up at Trash Bar seeing Monster Eiffel Tower because I know that shit will rock hard. But before that, I will most likely go to a pub, and will knock back a Kilkenny or two. But I do that every Saturday. And Boondock Saints sucked.

Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

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Not Hot: American Idol – Season 100

American Idol sucks (sux) this season. I can feel it already. Did you watch it last night? Because I did. And I was very disappointed with its not hottness. Here’s what I thought:

That big, southern guy should’ve been better. Although, do we really need another Taylor Hicks? No, we don’t. That Korean (represent!) guy was really nervous, and it showed (pit stains). Though, I admire (but also find annoying) the fact that he took off his shoes. That takes balls, and some serious dedication to Asian tradition. But I did not like that guy who supposedly reminds people of Justin Timberlake. Yes. Definitely. This guy totally, really, truly reminds me of a busted version of Justin Timberlake. And singing my most hated song, no less. (I Don’t Wanna Be by Gavin Degraw– hate it.) Although, his performance wasn’t awful, despite his aversion to a steady head. Then there was that guy who sang a Richard Marx song. Haha, Richard Marx. Who is this guy? Me, ten years ago? Go write me a love letter. But you know who I do love? The Indian kid. I am In love with him. I may have fallen asleep during his minute and a half long performance, but boy is he cute. And 17. Then there was the Jack Osbourne look alike who is 28. 28? He looks 18. Go grow some wrinkles. And I definitely hate the last singer’s guts. He has the eyes of a sad woman, and embodies a weird eagerness that makes me want to punch. Not a fan.

So there you have it, my American Idol review. I might not watch this season if this awfulness continues. But we’ll see.

PS If Paula doesn’t learn how to articulate her thoughts into a coherent sentence soon, I’m going to post screen stills from Junior High School. Which, if you haven’t seen it already, is a musical from the 80s with Paula before her nose job.

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