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Archive for the ‘Iraq’ Category

Harpers reports that Daniel Pipes, founder of campuswatch and general proponent of repressiveness and hatemongering, has officially signed on to be an advisor to presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani.

Daniel Pipes Notable Quotables:

“Diplomacy rarely ends conflicts…the oft-heard mantra that ‘there is no military solution’ in short, has things exactly wrong.”

“Iraq’s plight is neither a coalition responsibility nor a particular danger to the West. Fixing Iraq is neither the coalition’s responsibility, nor its burden. When Sunni terrorists target Shi’ites and vice versa, non-Muslims are less likely to be hurt. “

Huzzah!

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In this morning’s NY Times I read:

The insurgency here [in northern Iraq] is a caldron of prominent Sunni Arab groups that include Al Qaeda in Mesopotamia and Ansar al-Sunna. The city was a recruitment base for commanders of the old Iraqi Army, and former officers are now among the leaders of the local guerrilla movement.

Pop Quiz, hotshot. Which of the following statements regarding the above quote are true?

1. I had to look up the word “caldron,” and it turns out it’s just a stupid alternate spelling for “cauldron;” the vessel in which a witch stirs her brew.

2. It is unclear what the author means by “recruitment base” – it could be either A) that when the Iraqi Army was in tact, commanders were recruited from here, or B) that currently, former Iraqi Army commanders get recruited from here to join the “prominent Sunni Arab groups.”

3. The wording implies that “local guerrilla movement” and “prominent Sunni Arab groups that include Al-Qaeda in Mesopotamia and Ansar al-Sunna” are interchangable.

4. They are not interchangable.

5. Local guerrilla movements are often defined as people fighting to protect their homes from invading forces. Invading forces are foreign troops like the U.S. military and migratory jihadi groups like Al-Qaeda.

6. Prominent Sunni Arab groups might not be locals.

7. They are probably not even Iraqis.

OK hotshot, the quiz is over. Answers:

1. True

2. True

3. True

4. True

5. True

6. True

7. True

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Saddam Hussein, in an elaborate ruse worthy of the Three Stooges, somehow managed to escape the execution that was legitimately captured on some dude’s camera phone. Or so says a gaggle of conspiracy theorists.

I would just love this to be true if it would mean a little more heartbreak for George Bush.

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MoveOn.org is inviting all of us to a virtual town hall to talk about Iraq with Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, John Edwards, Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, and Joe Biden. Earnestness is not my forte, but I think this is genuinely good.

Virtual Town Hall: Iraq
Tuesday, April 10
7:15 PM

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Hot: Notes on a Scandal. This movie is hot for many reasons, namely for its plot. Cate Blanchett plays an Art teacher who has an affair with her fifteen year old student. Hot. Dame Judy Dench (perfectly) plays a creepy old bag whose obsession with Cate Blanchett’s character is out of control. That’s not so hot, except that it is, because the movie is pretty amazing. And I’m not sure if you’ve seen any previews or clips of Notes, but if you have, you most likely caught the moment where Judy Dench snaps, “You’re not young!” to Cate Blanchett. Classic. And true. I suggest seeing this movie before the Oscars.

Not Hot: Marie Antoinette. Why was this movie made? Because it’s so bad? Is that why? They should stop making movies for that reason. Aesthetically, this movie could not have been better. As an actual film with dialogue, this movie was so not hot. Much, much more could have been done to convey the seriousness of the Fall of Versailles, and the bond between Marie and Louis XVI, played by Jason Schwartzman. Haha. It’s funny because Jason Schwartzman probably sort of looks like Louis XVI. Hot. And while I do loathe Kirsten Dunst (not hot) almost as much as I loathe Andy Samberg (the nottest of the hot), that has almost nothing to do with my harsh critique of Marie Ant. Almost. I am of course human. But I usually like Sophia Coppola’s work and think she’ll do better projects in the future. I just hope they won’t leave me feeling full of rage. Oh, and didn’t Kirsten Dunst and Andy Samberg date? Vomit.

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“Mr. Giuliani…would be only the second Catholic president and the first of Italian heritage.”

So what they’re trying to say is…um…wait, does this count as non-white or something? Are these big hurdles nowadays? I suppose I understand, because above all, his alliance would have to be to  the Pope and to left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers (or “New Yorkers,” as they’re more commonly refered to).

The biggest problem for him, I think, is that if he’s elected president, Democrats will not be driven to suicide. Maybe some of them will sit in their rooms listening to Tori Amos and carving “Barack” into their forearms, but they’ll get over that. I mean, he’s shown a certain level of competency; he’s not affiliated with the evangelicals; he can’t spit out what he means by “constructionist” judges; he’s not particularly interested in fetuses. He’s more of a Democrat than Lieberman. I think this will pose a problem for him in terms of getting the Republican nomination and also in terms of getting evangelical/neo-con types to actually vote for him. He’s going to alienate the vast majority of Republicans because of his social views.

And look! He shows a pretty concrete understanding of one major Iraq fuck-up: “‘I would have us not disband’ the Iraqi military or purge the government of Baath Party members, because ‘that meant getting rid of the entire civil service,’ he said, adding: ‘The country had no infrastructure.'” And I mean, bitch knows a little something about civil infrastructure.

Nevertheless, he has no experience working in the international realm and, above all, is a Republican which is non-populist by definition. So while I think he would be a perfectly competent administrator, I think he lacks the values and priorities to actually affect positive change for Americans.

PS: I once had a dream about Ben Seaver and Stephanie Tanner getting married. It was the happiest night of my life.

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This is it! We finally won! We’ve officially established American-style democracy in Iraq.

“[Lt. Gen. Aboud Qanbar] said the government would break into homes and cars it deemed dangerous, open mail and eavesdrop on phone calls.”

It’s fucking aces over there, man.

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