Hi Guys. It’s that time again. Time for a “Gossip Girl” recap to prepare you for tonight’s ep. Because I know how much you love it.
So last week was all about Blair and her annual slumber party. And who doesn’t love a good slumber party? (Hey, did any of you ever eat so many black jelly beans at a sleepover that you puked all over your sleeping bag? Because I did.) Now, If there’s one thing I learned from last week’s episode of GG, it’s that the affluent know how to throw the best slumber parties, ever. Personal manicure stations, cupcakes, clear cookie jars filled to the brim with what I can only assume to be the finest chocolate chip cookies in all the land, twin beds with satin sheets for all, meaning not just the host gets to rest on a mattress while the guests are forced to sleep in their hand me down Garfield sleeping bags with no substantial cushion left in them, and racks of designer clothes were all provided for the attendees. It was glamazing.
And, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, not just anyone is invited to this event. First of all, no boys allowed (lame). Second, since Blair’s throwing the party, you know just how exclusive the guest list is. Therefore, it’s no surprise that little Jenny Humphrey (Dan’s little sister) was siked beyond belief when invited. I mean, even I was excited for her. But we soon find out Blair has much more than nail polish and tasty treats planned for JH . See, this little get together is more like a sorority hazing event for “the new girl” than an actual party, which, is awesome. And everyone but Jenny seems to know this, as when told they will be playing truth or dare Jenny responds with, “I love truth or dare! One time I had to eat an entire bag of marshmallows!” Oh Jenny, sweet, sweet Jenny, you clearly have no idea what you’re getting into. And you’ve obviously never eaten an entire tray of rice krispy treats of your own volition.
Meanwhile, Dan and Serena are finally about to go out on their second date. Everyone’s stoked. Especially Dan, who busts out his bag of rainy day money, comprised entirely of coins, to help pay for the first class date he plans to take Serena on. Okay, I realize Dan’s fam isn’t wealthy, but doesn’t he have a part-time job then? A job where he doesn’t make so little he’s forced to pay his way through the night in quarters? I’m just saying. Bank account. But also, Dan thinks Serena wants nothing less than a Michelin star restaurant and personal driver for the evening, however, what she’s actually excited for is the opposite: a low key night in Brooklyn…rebel style. They’re totally on different pages here. Has Dan never seen a movie or read a book explaining how the only thing cool rich girls want is to ride a motorcycle and go to a hip underground club? I should really lend him a copy of every movie that centers around a date with the President of the United State’s daughter. Because I have several of them.
Once it’s established that Serena doesn’t need all the glitz and glam Dan thought interested her, the two race off to the East Village for a game of pool at some dive bar. It is here where we discover Serena is no pool champ. In fact, she sucks. I thought maybe the producers would go the, “I may look pretty, but I’m secretly as good as a pool shark” route, but they chose to stay on the “I’m sort of helpless” trail. I dig it. So as Dan’s instructing Serena the proper way to hold a que, the two find themselves in a compromising position and lean in for a kiss. But Dan’s cock blocked when his father, Rufus, interrupts them with a phone call. Rufus calls to ask if Serena’s little brother is with them. Dan answers “no” and asks why he wants to know, and Rufus explains that Serena’s little brother escaped from rehab. What’s important to note here is that during this call Serena’s mother, Megan from Melrose Place, is with Rufus at his loft. This is because a long time ago, Rufus and Megan from MP were once an item and have been visiting each other, in a purely frienemy fashion, ever since they found out Dan and Serena were dating. I think/hope they’re getting together to discuss how weird it is their children are on their way to paramoursville. All their children. Literally. Since something seems to be brewing between Jenny and S’s little brother as well. Incest by association.
In case you were wondering why Serena’s little brother went missing in the first place, I’ll tell you. As stated earlier, Blair plans for the truthiest or dariest game of truth or dare, and for Jenny’s first dare she’s ordered to break into Serena’s little brother’s room at the rehab center and set him free. This is accomplished. The crowd then moves onto Marquee, a nightclub. While at Marquee Jenny dares Blair to make out with a gross hedge fund guy. This is accomplished. Blair next dares Jenny to call up the gross hedge fund’s girlfriend from his cell phone, which Blair pick pocketed from him, and let the gf know what a skanky slutman it is she’s dating. This is accomplished. Then hedge fund guy’s gf races to the club and tries to fight Jenny and Blair, even though the gf should really be beating up her cheater boyfriend. Typical girl hate. Finally Dan, who shows up at Marquee with Serena, intervenes and is all, “This girl (Jenny) is 14!” And everyone’s like, “What?” And Jenny’s all, “That’s right. Not even legal.” And everyone’s a little sketched out.
The episode ends with Serena and Dan finishing up their kiss from earlier, Serena’s little brother returning to the rehab center and apologizing to his mother for leaving, and Blair giving Jenny one final dare: to break into Blair’s mother’s store and steal a jacket. Jenny says “I’ll do it,” alarms go off, Jenny is caught by the police, but then gets out of it by pretending she’s Blair (the owner’s daughter), and it’s evident Jenny is on her way to becoming the next Queen Bee.