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Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

Steroids have been and will continue to be a dominant story in professional sports for the rest of time. Cheaters will always cheat for as long as they can possibly get away with it. And we will continue to let them, even when the evidence is right before our eyes, as long as they keep helping our team win.

got juice?

As much as I’d love to get up on a soapbox and preach about the sanctity of sports in our culture and how cheating undermines everything we honest Americans stand for, I’m actually here to tell a player to start using steroids. Re-start, actually.

Very shortly after he was signed to the Mets last season, Guillermo Mota tested positive for steroids and served a 50-game suspension. When he came back this season, his teammates and Mets fans were supportive. Everyone deserves a second chance right?

Right.

As long as they don’t fucking blow it every single time they step on the mound like this worthless pile of doodie, Guillermo Mota.

Now I would LOVE it if the Mets could just send this guy packing…but he’s signed to a contract, and no-mufuckin-body else is gonna want his worthless ass. So, as we head into the post-season with no options for what to do with this terrible terrible pitcher, we Mets fans must cling on to one last hope…

SOMEBODY GET THIS GUY SOME JUICE!

 

I’m on it…

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Part time rockstar and full time douchebag Pete Doherty has apparently been sharing his lifestyle with his beloved feline. His cat, Dinger, just had a litter of kittens, one of which got sick and then tested positive for cocaine. The fact that they even thought of testing the kitten for drugs in the first place might be a good indication that he has some issues.

Doherty is officially my second least favorite person when it comes to cruelty to cats, right after Senator Bill Frist.

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As it is Wednesday, I am now up to the “Week In Review” section of the NY Times I bought on Sunday. Don’t judge me. It’s still relevant, in the middle of the next week.

So I am not one who normally opens up the newspaper expecting to be wowed. Mostly I expect to be angered and disgusted and disappointed. So imagine my surprise as I stood in the crowds of yesterday afternoon’s 4 train reading Frank Rich’s Op-Ed (subscription link) “All the President’s Press.” He was talking about the White House Correspondent’s Dinner. Sounds stupid and boring, right? Right. Exactly. That was his point. Specifically, that it is a ludicrous unconscionable event that further leads to the corruption of the news media.

Laura at the dinner

They [journalist revelers] served as captive dress extras in a propaganda stunt, lending their credibility to the presiden’t sanctimonious exploitation of the Virginia Tech tragedy for his own political self-aggrandizement on national television. Meanwhile the war was kept as tightly under wraps as the troops’ coffins.

Yow. I have to admit, he lost me a little on the details. I didn’t follow the Pat Tillman situation, but I guess the basic gist was that Tillman, a football star serving in Afghanistan, was reported by the Pentagon and later the White House as being killed heroically, but was actually killed by friendly fire. In 2004 at the press dinner Bush eulogized about Tillman’s sacrifice in order to distract from the recently-released Abu Ghraib photos and Ted Koppel reading the names of the war dead on “Nightline.” Basically,

The Washington press corps that applauded the president at the correspondents’ dinner is the same press corps that was slow to recognize the importance of Abu Ghraib that weekend and…..even slower to label the crimes as torture.

So I guess what happened at this week’s dinner was more of the same, as “this year Mr. Bush made a grand show of abstaining [from doing his own comic shtick], saying that the killings at Virginia Tech precluded his being a ‘funny guy.’ Any civilian watching on TV could formulate the question left hanging by this pronouncement: Why did the killings in Iraq not preclude his veing a ‘funny guy’ at other press banquets…?”

The real kicker, though, the thing that to me felt actually exhilarating to read (so exhilarating that I missed my stop) was when Rich outlines the difference between the press’ (minus Rich’s) perception of Iraq and Rich’s (and maybe the NY Times’?) perception of it:

…much of the press still takes it as a given that Iraq has a functioning government that might meet political benchmarks (oil law, de-Baathification reform, etc., etc.) that would facilitate an American withdrawal. In reality, the Maliki “government” can’t meet any benchmarks, even if they were enforced, because that government exists only as a fictional White House talking point. As Gen. Barry McCaffrey said last week, this government doesn’t fully control a single province. Its Parliament….has passed no major legislation in months. Ira’s sole recent democratic achievement is to ban the release of civilian casualty figures, lest they challenge White House happy talk about “progress” in Iraq.

Mmmm. I know I’m not the only transitional democracy buff out there. Reckles, I’m looking at you….

Mr. Rich finishes it off by saying that the Times won’t continue participating in such events. I hope they will continue participating in this kind of fucking awesome truth-telling and…. dare I say…. muckraking. You go baby. You rake that muck.

**

I know, I know, a mainstream journalist deriding other mainstream journalists, it smacks of a Paris-Nicole showdown. But if that means next up in the ring is Frank Rich v. Ann Coulter, then bring it on bitch, bring it on.

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Brooklyn Skeptic’s hard-hitting coverage of the tragedy of Anna Nicole Smith’s life/death continues today with news that her death has been deemed “accidental” by Broward County officials. Apparently she suffered some kind of bad reaction as the woman was literally a cornucopia of drugs. If the pilgrims had this woman instead of root vegetables and fish in their corn (growing) holes, let’s just say this country would have turned out a little differently.

cornucopia.gif

A Cornucopia – “The Horn of Plenty”

Imagine it was filled with drugs.

More importantly, the lethal combo for her was eerily similar to the one that killed her son last fall, according to the family coroner. Methadone and anti-depressants. I know after hearing this news, many of you will also have to change your breakfast drug cocktail. And, just a note of caution, if you are injecting your methadone yourself, be sure to wipe your skin with an alcohol swab first, because bacterial infections in your blood also contribute to the likelihood of your kicking up daisies in the manner of Ms. Smith. I only tell you because I care.

Anyway, the bottom line is that this is total bullshit. There is a huge conspiracy afoot, but I’m not sure who the main players are yet – if only because I am constitutionally unable to identify celebrities. I defer to Johnb on this one.

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Their borders as permeable as their cheese, the Swiss army “accidentally” invaded their tiny neighbor, Liechtenstein. Apologies ensued, and Liechtenstein was all like “no problem, man. I thought you were just trying to get that Frisbee you threw over here last week.”

The full – if horribly unexciting – story here.

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Just so we don’t fall behind in our cutting-edge analysis of Brit Brit’s psychosis, here’s an interesting thought.

Slate.com suggests her foray into barber-ism (huh huh) had to do with avoiding drug tests in a child custody fight with Kevin “I don’t look so bad now, do I?” Federline. Hair = alarmingly accurate time line of drug use. Fascinating.

Wait, wait! Can we start calling her Britney Shears? No? Okay.

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Last night I had a dream – a flash of unconscious thought really. I was walking on a dark street and became aware that there was someone walking behind me. It was a tall, thin man, wearing a trench coat and clutching a shot gun. It was then that all my fear melted away.

I was safe in the sights of this psychopath, because he was Omar Little, Baltimore’s drug-laden Robin Hood on The Wire.*

Having dreamed about Omar, I thought it might be time to make my feelings about him known in the public sphere – or the “blogosphere” if you want me to vomit on myself.

First of all, Omar is a total badass and is admirable and exemplary in that way. Proof of bad-assedness: gigantic scar across face (which, admittedly, is the actor’s and not technically Omar’s), trench coat/shot gun combo, and the courtroom smack-down in Season Two.

Secondly, Omar is more than a character. He is a statement about agency. In the world of The Wire, there are two strong bureaucratic institutions that control the power – the Police and the Drug Trade. In both institutions, you see a very specific ranking system which at the low end features Hoppers and beat cops and goes all the way to the top, to Avon and the Mayor. The ranks are solidly established, although there is possibility of (limited) vertical mobility. Essentially, once you are in the system, your entire purpose is to perpetuate the institution and the circumstances which allow the institution to exist.

Omar is remarkable because he is not part of either institution, but is able to move freely between them, exploiting the institutions and the circumstances that they create. While others go on as cogs in either the law enforcement or drug machines, Omar is a vigilante, a free agent, going around and fucking things up. He can be compared to another floater, Bubbles, who putters about in both scenes, but is not part of either and wholly reliant on both.

Thirdly, Omar remains a pillar of moral fortitude – albeit the fucked up, killing-is-okay moral order of Baltimore. He is the most consistent character despite the fact that he is not compelled by any outside forces to act in a specific way. While the other characters – both the drug dealers and the cops – constantly stab each other in the back or undermine each other to get a sliver of the power available within their respective institutions, Omar adheres to a strict behavioral guideline from which he never wavers. It is something special to run around as both the most feared man around and the most morally righteous (which is why his face-off with BrotherMouzone is interesting – but a story for another time).

Finally, Omar is a poor, gay, black man and I’m going to go ahead and say it – members of this group do not traditionally hold a lot of power in society. This just makes it all the better that he is the toughest, most righteous, most powerful person on The Wire.

So, in conclusion I can say with little hesitation that if Omar were walking behind me with a loaded shotgun on a deserted street, I wouldn’t be scared. I would just wonder how I ended up in a TV show.

 

*Just to address one concern – yes, I often dream about The Wire, and no, I don’t think I need to get out more.

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