Archive for the ‘Dame Judy Dench’ Category

What kind of sauces are you basting the contents of your grill this summer with? Beer? Apple Juice? The liquefied remains of two certain blonde sisters recently featured in this here blog?

So many questions, yet so little chimichurri. Yes, chimichurri. Its that bright and herby green sauce from Argentina that miraculously finds its way on beautiful beef and other grilled delights from Patagonia to St. Petersburg…..truly something you should consider when firing up the ol’ BBQ this weekend.

Here are the pros about chimi- its super easy to make within minutes, can and should be used as a marinade, and must be used to directly baste while the subject of the grilling session is cooking!

The cons? There are none in the world of cooking with fire, so make your list and head on over to the market!

You will need the following for one serving (good for about 1-4 people) :

1 bunch parsley
1 small clove garlic
1/4 green onion
1 tbsp fresh oregano
Juice of 1 lime
1 tbsp vinegar (red/white wine vinegar preferably)
1 Jalapeno
Lotsa Olive Oil (yes, “lotsa” is a scientific term)
Salt/Pepper to taste

Food Processor / Blender / Insane Skill with Knives

Stuff everything in the blender except the olive oil and salt/pepper. Blend or pulse while pouring in the olive oil at a steady drizzle until you have the right consistency which is creamy goodness. Adjust salt and pepper to taste. Too much garlic and/or onion and the sauce will suck. Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

You can marinate beef, chicken fish or vegetables in this stuff, and then baste while the food is grilling. Or any combination thereof! Enjoy, Brooklyn.

If you don’t stick your hands in it, there ain’t no love

If you don’t stick your hands in it, there ain’t no love…

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Dear RK,

I don’t know how to tell you this, but you are mired in a prejudice so thick and vile, you may never find your way out. The yellow trains are not slow. I mean, no more slow than any of the other trains – all of which travel at the speed and with the agility of a toddler. The F train is no prize, my friend.

However, you did make a good point regarding the above-ground stops. I love those. But you know what’s better than chugging along past the Kentile sign at Smith & 9th? Crossing the East River on the N and Q trains (also on the B & D trains that I use to get to work). You can look north and see the charming waterfront-industrial scene or you can look south (my choice) and see the Statue of Liberty, the Brooklyn Bridge, the big shiny Financial District buildings, boats, dead bodies…it’s like a little bit of heaven! All the while, your F train is creeping along underground like so many giant, seething rats.

Seething rats.

f-train.jpg = rat.jpg

A simile.

Subway (Debate) Series
Subway (Debate) Series: Rebuttal

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GowanusYou need to sit back and rethink your whole relationship with Brooklyn. I mean, don’t you learn to love all the mutated mice and slime of the one you hold dear, just like Billy Crystal in When Harry Met Sally?

The best thing about Brooklyn is the toxic creatures, the muck, and the buildings that look like they’re leftover from “The Blitz” in WW2. After a while it makes you feel at home.

Really the canal adds to the overall atmosphere of Brooklyn. The quiet stagnant water reflecting the off-colored lights, the indefinable smells, the colorful graffiti…I don’t know why you love Brooklyn, but the irony of expensive boutiques and trendy cafe’s next to scenes of The Warriors…really tugs at my heartstrings.

Gowanus “yay”s pull in the lead.

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Friend: I am so nay. Though you bring up some interesting facts about our dear Gowanus Canal, it’s not enough to change my mind on the matter. Fact is, the Gowanus Canal is a potentially harmful stream of chemicals that spawns mutant mosquitoes during the summer. And being just one block away from the man made toxic water hole, I must bear the brunt of this ‘squito situation. People often think screening one’s windows will be enough to deter some flimsy little mosquito from entering into an apartment. However, when mosquitoes are brought to life by an ungodly pool of poison, they inherit the strength of an angry soccer mom and are able to physically bend screen wires open with their arms. I’ve seen this occur. It’s some crazy shit. That being said, I will go on to rebut some of your “high” points. Even though, I think I just won this argument by sharing my *true story, which is based on *actual events.

So you say, “The Canal has proven itself an exceptional receptacle for rats caught in a certain apartment that were not executed in an electric box.” First of all, nothing is better than a rat killing electric box. I think you and I both know that’s true. There isn’t anything more satisfying than waking up to a dead rat in your kitchen, fried, and in an electric casket. But more importantly, I recently watched a documentary on rats and if you think throwing them into a poisonous canal will kill them, you are wrong. Dead (but not a dead rat) wrong. Rats maintain the ability to collapse their skeletons into the size of a nickel and can live in a toilet for weeks at a time. Do you really believe a pool of toxic fluid can kill them? If anything at all, toxins will just make them bigger, stronger, and yup, you guessed it, deadlier. Have you never seen “The Hulk”? Because I have, and the last thing this world needs is a monster (!!!) size rat wearing cut-off jean shorts. (That’s what the Hulk wore when he got really big. Jean shorts are known for their great elasticity.)

You also mention, “The Canal is an excellent place to unburden yourself of illegal firearms – or legal firearms that were used in an illegal act.” Wrong. If anything, the forces of the Canal’s toxic energy molecules would enable loaded firearms to go off on their own, bringing attention to the (hopefully) illegally discarded items. And even if not loaded, that toxic liquid has most likely developed a mind of its own, and therefore would find ways to load the gun itself.

Lastly you bring up, “Without the canal, there would be no need for the little bridges on Union, Carroll, 3rd and 9th Streets.” Hey, have you ever been late to an event or missed the train because there was a divided (cement) bridge in the middle of 9th avenue? Because I have. And you know what bridge that was? Oh, you don’t? Well it was the Gowanus Canal bridge, if you couldn’t already guess by my tone. Although it doesn’t happen often, every once in a while the bridge disbands and you’re forced to wait and watch as a little steam boat passes under. And while that sounds charming, it is. However, being late for restaurant reservations is not.

There you have it, my incredibly accurate, and strong rebuttal. What say, you?

*True story has been taken from an actual dream I had, making it a very solid argument.

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Hot: Notes on a Scandal. This movie is hot for many reasons, namely for its plot. Cate Blanchett plays an Art teacher who has an affair with her fifteen year old student. Hot. Dame Judy Dench (perfectly) plays a creepy old bag whose obsession with Cate Blanchett’s character is out of control. That’s not so hot, except that it is, because the movie is pretty amazing. And I’m not sure if you’ve seen any previews or clips of Notes, but if you have, you most likely caught the moment where Judy Dench snaps, “You’re not young!” to Cate Blanchett. Classic. And true. I suggest seeing this movie before the Oscars.

Not Hot: Marie Antoinette. Why was this movie made? Because it’s so bad? Is that why? They should stop making movies for that reason. Aesthetically, this movie could not have been better. As an actual film with dialogue, this movie was so not hot. Much, much more could have been done to convey the seriousness of the Fall of Versailles, and the bond between Marie and Louis XVI, played by Jason Schwartzman. Haha. It’s funny because Jason Schwartzman probably sort of looks like Louis XVI. Hot. And while I do loathe Kirsten Dunst (not hot) almost as much as I loathe Andy Samberg (the nottest of the hot), that has almost nothing to do with my harsh critique of Marie Ant. Almost. I am of course human. But I usually like Sophia Coppola’s work and think she’ll do better projects in the future. I just hope they won’t leave me feeling full of rage. Oh, and didn’t Kirsten Dunst and Andy Samberg date? Vomit.

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