Simsbury, Connecticut has been making news lately with their retro-styled ban against “dirty dancing.”
No, they’re not taking a stand against the Swayze or the Great Grey Schnoz. They are actually talking about the moves the kids do when they’re out on the floor. Students have responded by boycotting previously popular dances – after the prohibition was put into place only three tickets were sold to the next dance.
The AP writes… “Despite the boycotts, school officials have no plans to allow booty dancing, also known as freaking, grinding, or back-to-front dancing.”
That is some serious reporting! That is legitimately the most entertaining sentence I have ever read in a newspaper.
The article details the change of heart experienced by Chris Meyer, Simsbury High’s senior class president. After chaperoning a dance for 7th and 8th graders, he too was grossed out by seeing people younger than him do the dirty.
In case you’re still unclear about what the dirty is, Principal Sullivan details it for you here, in a memo to parents:
In the kind of dancing that we are seeing, the male student stands directly behind the female student…He then places his hands either on his partner’s hips or around her midsection. At the same time, he presses his pelvic region against his partner’s buttocks. As the music plays, the students then thrust or grind to the beat of the music… Sometimes, girls will even bend over as they dance, placing their hands on the floor while their male partner grinds against their backside.
They then get pregnant.
No, but seriously, it is an important omitted fact that we are also talking about so many 14 year-old boners that it is totally fucking disgusting.
In the effort to stop the OOC development of high schoolers’ sexualities, the school is making previously well attended and well chaperoned events obselete…. yes. That is a smart solution. Don’t keep them sequestered within the well guarded corners of the school gym. Send them out into the fields of Simsbury to do it in the back of someone’s old Volvo.
OK, I have in fact chaperoned dances for teenagers and that shit is gross. No doubt about it. But that’s the way it goes. I think we all know that.
The real shining star of this episode is Sullivan’s detailed account of the dance acts. I LOVE IT.
Get into me or get over me.