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Archive for the ‘Celebrity Sighting’ Category

Why is it hard to make new friends after college? Because you’re not drunk as often? False. Because you aren’t going to classes with people who are interested in the same topics as you? Uh-uh. Because you aren’t as young and attractive as you were then? Possibly. Because you don’t know the same people to gossip about? BINGO!

For me and my friends, celebrities have replaced the ‘known students’ (j-lo with the short-shorts, douchey with the loud talking and pregnant-getting, omar with the booty, et cetera) on campus that I liked to talk about. So my friends and I gossip about Britney’s downfall and Owen’s suicide and all that because we live in different places and work in different places and don’t see the same cast of characters every day anymore!

The exception is what I like to call the ‘Melrose Rule,’ wherein if five or more people have kissed five or more of said same people and live in the same building, outside influence is rarely necessary (only for 2-5 episode guest stints) and you can forego celebrity gossip for inner turmoil. But since I can’t get all my friends to move to the same building and they won’t play spin the bottle with me (prudes) we have to rely on the celebs for us to have common shit-talking ground.

Clearly, we gossip about each other too but there are only a finite number of us, whereas on a large campus or the pages of US Weekly there are dozens of tasty pieces to choose from.

I’m just saying.

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Once you turn 21, the great joy that once came from sneaking into places where you weren’t supposed to be tends to fade a bit and lose its shape, like so much Nickelodeon Gak left out in the sun…

 But it doesn’t have to be that way! There are many ways to sneak into things, even when you are as gray and wrinkled as Sophia Petrillo (come to think of it, I’m almost certain she sneaked into some bingo night or another). Today I’m going to write about the virtues of sneaking into a movie you didn’t pay for.

 Yesterday I went to see Superbad. When it was over I said “Hey, it’s raining. Why go outside when we could stay in here and watch another movie?” So we did.  It was easy and fun.  Except for the fact that the second movie we saw was The Bourne Ultimatum.

 I don’t actually think there was an ultimatum. I think the choice has been made. The choice to spend all the money they saved on writers on Very Suspenseful Music.

But anyway, sneaking in. (BTW, Jason Bourne is an excellent sneaker.) UA on Court Street is an excellent place to sneak into a movie, as its millions of floors and multiple concession stands on different floors makes trips up and down the escalators seem commonplace.

Another highlight of that theater: you might see Elijah Wood, like we did, coming out of Superbad! He looked skinny and mutton-chopped and pale, sort of like he’d been carrying this profound burden for a while.

So, next time you’re lamenting how easy it is to buy booze, or how no one cards you when you buy porn anymore, or how the cop that rolls up next to you is harassing you as a full-grown adult, not just a truant kid, sneak into a movie and feel young again!

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Dear Advertising Agencies,

I remember when I saw my first Fred Astaire movie. It was Flying Down to Rio, which was Astaire’s first movie as well. And his first pairing with Ginger Rogers. It was delightful. I also remember when I was flipping through the channels once, and saw Fred Astaire dancing around with a vacuum cleaner. I remember thinking “Huh, that’s weird, I thought Fred Astaire died a decade ago,” and “I don’t remember Ginger Rogers looking like a vacuum cleaner.” Apparently, the use of dead celebrities in advertising is quite common, and has, of late, come under fire. Saatchi & Saatchi, a British advertising agency who were employed by Airwair who make Dr. Martens, released a series of photos of dead rockers Kurt Cobain, Joey Ramone, Joe Strummer and Sid Vicious wearing togas, standing on clouds, all happily clad in Dr. Martens boots.

Now this is just shitty. First of all, I don’t think any commercial featuring a dead person is going to make me want to rush out and buy a product. Seeing a re-animated Orville Redenbacher listening to an iPod and eating popcorn did not give me a hankering for his salty, buttery kernels (I’ll take Paul Newman’s sexier and more alive brand any day of the week). I’m not running to the Gap to pick up a pair of black skinny jeans just because Audrey Hepburn danced around to an AC/DC song. Why do you think that having dead people promote your product is going to make us want them any more than having living people do it?

And do you really think you are somehow paying homage to these people by using their image against their will to push a product on people? And of all people, these four rock stars? I mean, if Smash Mouth all died in a plane crash, I would guess that they would be okay with their image being used to advertise a brand of, I don’t know, Tempur-Pedic Mattresses (the only mattress endorsed by NASA!). But somehow I doubt that four rock stars, known for their anti-establishment punk rock sensibilities would agree to be posthumous spokespeople for a brand of shoes. And let us all not forget what is possibly your most shameless effort:

In a word, dear advertising CEO’s, it’s not cute. It’s fucked up and disrespectful. I don’t care whose permission you’re getting to advertise what, unless the celebrity’s corpse reanimates itself to sign some contracts, leave it alone. There are plenty of living celebrities out there willing to push your products for you.

Love,

Plainclothesman

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Seriously, they’re so cute.

And for when the video gets taken down for copyright infringement, here’s the general idea:

Jose Reyes is about to give Carlos Delgado a bear hug.

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Not too long ago I spotted my (one of many) arch nemesis, Constantine Maroulis, in Manhattan. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this man, he was a contestant on American Idol IV. Aka the Bo Bice era. (Love the Bice.) Nway, at the time of airing there probably wasn’t, in my opinion, anyone more self involved or annoying(/gross) than Maroulils. If you watched this particular season of American Idol, you know why. If you didn’t watch this season, well, your loss. As you won’t be able to appreciate this entry for the sparkling blog diamond it is. (A part of me worries that if Maroulis ever reads this his feelings will be hurt. So, if you’re reading this, ‘stantine, this isn’t a direct personal attack on you as a person, per se. It’s an attack on your facial expressions and conceit.)


(Maroulis)

Moving forward, this spotting of Maroulis (on 5th Ave. b/w 14th and 15th) is significant for it was my second time bumping into the former Idoler. It’s as though God wanted me to say something to him this time around. Let him know my true feelings. But as I stared straight into my dear hated’s aviator’s sunglasses, making sure it was Maroulis I was seeing, and not some look alike, I found myself tongue tied. (I’m such a failure.)

After we passed one another, I awoke from the Maroulis trance, and rotated my head 180 degrees to, once again, make sure my eyes did not deceive me. However, as my head spun around, so did Maroulis‘. 3-2-1 eye contact was made. Normally this would not be a big deal, but I am convinced Maroulis believed that I was turning around for him. Now some may say that was exactly what I was doing, and those people may be correct in their assumptions. But that’s not the point. The point is, Maroulis thinks I am a fan. Which, in reality, could not be further from the truth. And I would like Maroulis to be aware. Aware of the fact that whenever his face graced my 19 inch TV, I wanted to throw tomatoes at the screen.

But the reason I feel so compelled to (online) journal this encounter, readers, is because earlier in the day a friend of mine informed me that Maroulis is joining the cast of the “Bold and the Beautiful.” Total. Anarchy. I don’t know about you, but I will definitely not (not) be dvring his soap opera debut.

*Note: Author was under the influence of four Benadryl tablets while writing this entry. Therefore, she can not be held accountable for any….of it.

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