Archive for the ‘Breakdown’ Category

Myspace could not have asked me a more appropriate question this morning as I hastily added four presidential candidates to my extremely exclusive friends list. Sometimes politicians have a hard time recognizing the difference between irony and genuine support. So I didn’t add Mitt Romney. If I did, I’m pretty sure that would legally bind us in holy matrimony. I’m not really ready to settle down, Mitt. And I can’t share you with my sister-wives.

So, let me introduce you to my new friends:

obama.jpg mccain.jpg dennis.jpgrudy.jpg

Like peas in the pod of my “Top 8”


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Republican Party, you have made your god weep.

I really take glee in all of the proclamations of the downfall of the Republican Party (Yet two years ago they said the same about Democrats). It’s probably due to the overwhelming arrogance that it embodies. With people like Bush, Cheney, Gonzoles as the poster-boys. It’s like the joy of watching the bullies and villains at the end of movies get thrown down into a pit of snakes (my apologies, I’ve watched a lot of Indiana Jones).

In my first installment, let’s talk about our favorite Mr. John McCain.


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Britney, Britney, Britney. I don’t think I can express the depths of America’s sadness when we heard that on February 16th, your hair/sanity passed on. We are truly sorry for your loss, but more so for ours.

You were America’s sweetheart. You wore vinyl jumpsuits, school girl outfits, no underpants, and Justin Timberlake. In short, you were everything we wished we could be. You embodied the dreams of a nation. Your hair/sanity was taken – at your own hands, no less – far too soon.

In recent months, we should have known that something was wrong. Your hair color kept changing and you kept claiming to love K-Fed. It didn’t feel right at the time, but we couldn’t fathom the depths of this kind of depravity. Sure, there are lots of brunettes and all young women chose the wrong guy from time to time. But no, we never should have made excuses for you. It is our fault as much as yours.

I know we were all excited when you dropped Fed-Ex and started partying with Hollywood’s elite – Lohan and Paris. We thought this meant that you were ready to reclaim your throne, making mid-western mothers worry for their 8-year-old daughters’ chastity again. Sometimes you would turn blond again and we were filled with such hope. Oh, Britney. We were fools.

Here we stand now, with your hair/sanity but soothing memory, and we wonder how we will go on.

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