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Archive for the ‘5th Avenue’ Category

A couple weeks ago I tripped while shopping at TJ Maxx. I tried to laugh it off and act as though I was okay with the situation, but being that I was by myself, I don’t think anyone was buying it. A few minutes later I left.

The point of this story is, I can only imagine what Miss USA is feeling right now. Poor thing.

If I were her I would’ve kept on cat-walking off the runway onto the nearest bridge. Then I would’ve jumped off.

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This Sunday, a handful of Skeptics traipsed merrily through 5th Avenue Street Fair in Park Slope, Brooklyn. And as it turns out, we were not the only ones there. Looking down the Avenue from the top of the Slope, you could see it was packed for about a mile. The whole thing made me feel a little gay for Brooklyn. Here are some of my favorite parts of the fair:

1. Open Container Laws Be Damned

The fair gave a new meaning to al fresco drinking – of which we all know I’m the biggest fan. Nearly every bar was selling some beers, of both the generic and fantastic variety, on tap out of coolers in the middle of the street. You could get a plastic cup of beer or a frozen margarita from Mezcal and stumble around drunkenly, fondling pashminas and mozzarepas, for the rest of the day.

2. Kids Are So Predictable

At exactly 4:00, all of the children at the fair (roughly 2 million from the preliminary count) began to cry as their sugar highs wore off and they started to feel the effects of missing nap time. One child noted, “oh look – balloons,” in an uncharacteristically sarcastic manner.

3. Dancing Ladies

There were quite a few bands playing along the way, but there was one that stood out above all others: The Burlesque Alliance. This is an 11-or-so-piece band that was playing some kind of music with which I am not familiar enough to know the genre’s name. They had like horns or whatever. But more importantly, they had a lady who wore a tiny USO-style getup, dancing on the side of the stage. She was just awesome.

I was first introduced to the concept of go-go dancers at street fairs last summer at the Atlantic Avenue Street Fair. I didn’t like them as much. It seemed more exploitative in some way. Pizappas found this band a tad exploitative too. And I can understand that. I guess. But I’ll still going to their show at Southpaw on May 26.

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Not too long ago I spotted my (one of many) arch nemesis, Constantine Maroulis, in Manhattan. For those of you who aren’t familiar with this man, he was a contestant on American Idol IV. Aka the Bo Bice era. (Love the Bice.) Nway, at the time of airing there probably wasn’t, in my opinion, anyone more self involved or annoying(/gross) than Maroulils. If you watched this particular season of American Idol, you know why. If you didn’t watch this season, well, your loss. As you won’t be able to appreciate this entry for the sparkling blog diamond it is. (A part of me worries that if Maroulis ever reads this his feelings will be hurt. So, if you’re reading this, ‘stantine, this isn’t a direct personal attack on you as a person, per se. It’s an attack on your facial expressions and conceit.)


(Maroulis)

Moving forward, this spotting of Maroulis (on 5th Ave. b/w 14th and 15th) is significant for it was my second time bumping into the former Idoler. It’s as though God wanted me to say something to him this time around. Let him know my true feelings. But as I stared straight into my dear hated’s aviator’s sunglasses, making sure it was Maroulis I was seeing, and not some look alike, I found myself tongue tied. (I’m such a failure.)

After we passed one another, I awoke from the Maroulis trance, and rotated my head 180 degrees to, once again, make sure my eyes did not deceive me. However, as my head spun around, so did Maroulis‘. 3-2-1 eye contact was made. Normally this would not be a big deal, but I am convinced Maroulis believed that I was turning around for him. Now some may say that was exactly what I was doing, and those people may be correct in their assumptions. But that’s not the point. The point is, Maroulis thinks I am a fan. Which, in reality, could not be further from the truth. And I would like Maroulis to be aware. Aware of the fact that whenever his face graced my 19 inch TV, I wanted to throw tomatoes at the screen.

But the reason I feel so compelled to (online) journal this encounter, readers, is because earlier in the day a friend of mine informed me that Maroulis is joining the cast of the “Bold and the Beautiful.” Total. Anarchy. I don’t know about you, but I will definitely not (not) be dvring his soap opera debut.

*Note: Author was under the influence of four Benadryl tablets while writing this entry. Therefore, she can not be held accountable for any….of it.

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