Archive for December, 2008


Be merry.

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Michael Bay must be super busy being the most awesomest film producer/director of our time. Not only has the multi-MTV Movie Awards Winner continued his time honored tradition of remaking horror films (Texas Chainsaw, The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street) thus making the originals look like works of genius, but he’s also producing non-remake horror films.

A poster was released a few days ago for the new David S. Goyer directed horror movie, The Unborn. Let’s just say that the poster definitely grabs your attention. I was looking at it for about twenty-five minutes before I realized that it’s actually supposed to be a horror film (the little kid in the mirror reflection was a *dead* give away – get it?) and that the girl’s butt wasn’t the only ass on the poster! That’s right. In the credits under producer is…wait for it…Michael Bay! Hurrah!

And that’s when I was inspired to type Michael Bay’s name into Google. And thanks be to Bad Boys 2 I did, because I found out that the man has his own website, complete with blog posts, set visits, trailers and an inspiring header picture of him literally reaching for the sky. God bless him. So, for all your Michael Bay needs, there you go. You’re fucking welcome.

Lovechild of Fabio and Michael Bolton?

Michael Bay: Lovechild of Fabio and Michael Bolton?

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Uh….really? I know that they’re trying to make the Oscars more “hip” and have said that they’ll be making a lot of changes, but really? Huh. Interesting. I mean, I don’t really have anything against the guy, but it seems like such a random choice. I know he’s an actor, but, well, there are plenty of actors in the world. You could have just as easily gone with…say…Aidan Quinn. Or Tom Berenger. Or F. Murray Abraham. Or Erik Estrada.

At one point there were rumors that it could be either Ricky Gervais or Justin Timberlake. What happened to those? Either would’ve been an improvement on picking Hugh Jackman. Hugh Jackman is popular among forty year old women who read People Magazine. I don’t care if he’s Wolverine, I somehow don’t think all the kids are suddenly going to flock to the television.

All I’m saying is that if I was a kid who was scared that the Oscars weren’t hip enough, Tom Berenger would set me straight.


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I take back the above exclamation point. There is nothing exciting about the Golden Globes, I just thought feigned excitement might make you more inclined to read this post. And here you are. Sucker.

Yes, the Golden Globe nominations were announced today. The Golden Globes kind of act as Oscar’s little brother. But he’s a pigeon-toed, hyperactive little brother, with his finger in his nose and chocolate all over his shirt. He’s cute and ultimately more fun to be around than snooty old Oscar, but he doesn’t have a whole lot to say and he might enjoy the smell of gasoline on his fingers just a little too much. How else do you explain things like Tom Cruise, who yelled and swore his way through Tropic Thunder like a bloated Frank T.J. Mackey, getting a nomination for Best Supporting Actor? Or Meryl Streep getting nominated for both Doubt and Mamma Mia? How about Charlie Kaufman not getting a nomination for best screenplay, director or film? Or James Franco getting nominated for best actor for Pineapple Express?

At the same time, the little mouth-breather pulled some ballsy moves. Some of the most talked about movies out there were snubbed for best picture, including Milk, Doubt, Wall-E, Dark Knight and The Wrestler in exchange for less flashy films like The Reader and Happy-Go-Lucky. Another striking omission? Clint Eastwood. The man has two films out which should be perfect bait for awards, and got no director or picture nominations. And I’ll bet he’s pissed.

Anyway, that’s about all there was that was interesting. They air on January 11th, 2009. I’ll probably watch them. But seriously, you don’t have to. You really probably shouldn’t encourage this kid.


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It’s been a while, but there’s lots to talk about

Check it!

Check it!

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MillerCoors finally decided to discontinue 1990s drink phenomenon, Zima, pulling the fruity alcoholic beverage off shelves across America. For good. ::Sobs:: Actually, I’ve never tried Zima, since I was about 10 during its peak. But I remember hearing jokes about the product and knowing that, even at age 10, no one should ever be seen drinking it in public.

Anywho, if there’s anyone out there who wishes to taste Zima or secretly loved it, you can sign a petition to bring that shit back. I signed it. Because I care.

(To the layperson: Zima was pretty much the pioneer for beer and hard liquor substitutes, think Smirnoff Ice and Bacardi Breezers. Also, I believe part of Zima’s appeal was its color: clear. I think its unveiling must have been during the Crystal Pepsi days.)


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Vanity Fair Blogger

Vanity Fair blogger, Jim Windolf, wrote a blog post titled “Blog Stuff I’m Sick Of” where he listed his top ten blog annoyances:

1. “Also?”
2. Muppets
3. Dumb comments
4. Cupcakes
5. “But!”
6. Long analyses of
Gossip Girl, Mad Men, The Hills
7. Best. [Insert Noun Here]. Ever.”
8. Lists
9. Strong opinions on small things
10. Gratuitous links that go nowhere

I find #8 interesting given the format of this post – a list. But I guess Windolf was being facetious. And annoying

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