Archive for July, 2008

Friday July 11th – Dark Knight and Deerhoof

Yes, everyone in the world is going to see Dark Knight. But not everyone in the world is going in Brooklyn. Check out Cobble Hill Cinemas which is still selling tickets for Friday. There’ll be plenty of time to see an IMAX version of this once all the hooplah dies down. Bonus points for mocking people who are seeing Mamma Mia! (but leave my mom alone – she just doesn’t know any better).

If you don’t feel like seeing a movie on Friday, head to Prospect Park and check out Deerhoof (or maybe you can manage both). The show starts at 7:30pm and is free (with $3 suggested donation).

Saturday July 12th – Sirens

Yes, it’s going to be a shitshow, but it might be the last shitshow (although that’s what they said last year). Broken Social Scene, The Helio Sequence, Stephen Malkmus and the Jicks, Islands and many others are playing on various stages, and apparently there’s going to be an after party at Music Hall of Williamsburg where Apes & Androids and A Place to Bury Strangers will perform. Bring deodorant.

Sunday July 13th – The Liars , Fuck Buttons and Team Robespierre

Okay, here’s my dare. Go to Sirens, then go to this, but don’t shower in between. I dare you. Maybe roll in some mud too. This should be a fun show. The Liars are great, you can check out the wonderfully named (and Brooklyn-based) Team Robespierre.

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As much as I like to get out of Brooklyn every once in a while, I always feel like I’m missing something when I do. This weekend will be no exception. While I’m sure I will be having a good time in Rhode Island, there’s going to be a ton of stuff to do in Brooklyn while I’m gone. Here’s a fun activity for every day this weekend, starting early with tomorrow night (because who really gives a shit about feeling good on Friday?).

Thursday July 10th – Stand By Me

The Brooklyn Bridge Park Film Series starts tomorrow! While a few of us skeptics visited Williamsburg last night for a giant pool filled with sweaty, tall boy-drinking, Wet Hot-loving hipsters, you can class it up and bring a picnic and a bottle of wine to the outdoor screening of Stand By Me. Don’t forget to talk about how fat Jerry O’Connell used to be!

Friday July 11th – Brazilian Girls

On Friday night you should head up to Prospect Park to hear a free Brazilian Girls show (playing with Chicha Libre and Ticklah). These shows are always fun, and it may be your only chance ever to sing the lyrics “pussy pussy pussy marijuana” with a bunch of Park Slope parents.

Saturday July 12th – Brooklyn Hip Hop Festival

This starts at four and goes into the evening at Empire Fulton-Ferry State Park. The festival features a bunch of performances including one from KRS One!

Sunday July 13th – Bastille Day Celebration and The Breeders and Matt & Kim

Although Bastille Day is technically on Monday, Bar Tabac on Smith Street is holding a celebration from noon to 10pm that will include great Petanque players (bocce to some) and all sorts of food and cocktails. There will also be some music provided by Baby Blue Orchids and The Francis Wiss Ensemble.

And once you get tired of that, head to McCarren Park for a free pool party headlined by the Breeders (also playing: Matt & Kim and The Whip). I can’t tell you how jealous I am.

Anyway, there you go. Have a fun weekend. But not too much fun. Seriously.

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McCarren Park’s Summer Screen starts off this evening with the camp comedy Wet Hot American Summer. While the view isn’t as nice as Bryant Park or Brooklyn Bridge Park, the movies are more fun and the drinking policy is nice and relaxed. Bring your own six-pack tonight and check it out.

               If you want to smear mud on your ass, then smear mud on your ass.

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Brooklyn Skeptic.

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As we celebrate a day off on Friday by binge drinking and eating (God bless America and no place else), that leaves plenty of time on Saturday and Sunday to see some of these movies or to catch up on some you might’ve missed last weekend (see Wall-E).

The Plot: Will Smith is a drunk superhero.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: It doesn’t sound like it. I know that Will Smith seems to have a lock down on the July 4th weekend ever since Independence Day, but this is getting pretty bad reviews thus far. Peter Berg seems to jump around a lot between genres (The Rundown, Very Bad Things, Friday Night Lights) but it’s clear that he works well with darker material. Unfortunately, any real dark humor that might’ve been in this film was flushed down the toilet when they gave it a PG-13 rating. It is however nice to see Jason Bateman being involved in something other than spreading rumors about the Arrested Development movie.
Arrested Development
Just shut up and make it already (I’m not talking about you, George Michael and Maeby).

Where is it playing in Brooklyn/New York?: Pavilion, United Artists on Court Street, Cobble Hill Cinemas. 

The Wackness
The Plot: A kid smokes pot and tries to have sex in 1994. Not sure I can relate, I probably wasn’t doing that until 1998.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: I would say yes. It was a pretty big hit at Sundance (although, so was every movie ever made) but it’s getting some okay reviews so far, and at the very least, it’ll be a nice trip down memory lane for people in their twenties.

Where is it playing in Brooklyn/New York?: Sigh. The Angelika.

Gonzo: The Life and Work of Hunter S. Thompson

The Plot: Johnny Depp narrates this documentary about Hunter S. Thompson.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: I met a girl outside a bar a few weeks ago who told me that she had cried when Hunter S. Thompson died. And then she took a “fridge-full of acid.” If you go to see this movie, and you should, try to avoid her. Definitely not a friendly.
Fear and LOLing in Las Vegas
Fear and LOLing in Las Vegas.

Where is it playing in Brooklyn/New York?:  Angelika.

The Plot: A guy moves in with his brother’s wife and starts working as a mascot.
Is it worth eleven dollars?: The trailer is actually pretty funny. You know when you see people dressed up in big, fluffy mascot costumes and you have to resist the temptation to run and tackle them? Here you get to see it happen.

Where is it playing in Brooklyn/New York?: Cinema Village.

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Dear Coworkers,

I’m sick. I have a cold and a sore throat. I took a day off earlier this week, but have come back to work despite not being at 100%. I do this because, as a temporary worker, I get paid by the hour and do not have the opportunity to take sick days. If I could take this week off and still get paid, I would.

Being sick, I also feel quite vulnerable and weak. I’m shaky and haven’t been sleeping very well. Do you know what I need? Comfort. Friendliness. Do you know what I don’t need? To be treated like a leper whose ear just fell into your lap. To be scoffed at like an invalid with the bubonic plague. Seriously, I’m not going to sneeze in your food or rub my boogers in your face. And trust me, I don’t want to breathe near you any more than I have to.

Seriously, why does everyone have to run and cover their mouths the second they find out a coworker is sick? Unless we’re sharing drinks or making out (two things I reserve solely for my friends), I don’t see how us being in the same room is going to get you sick. I don’t defecate or expectorate on people for fun (again, reserved only for friends), so how am I going to pass this on to you? I feel like you’re all one step away from wearing Hazmat suits when you’re around me. I’m not the little monkey from Outbreak. I’m your friendly, unassuming coworker who you’ve grown to talk about the weather with on awkward elevator rides. I’m a temp. I may not deserve your health insurance, but I deserve your (temporary) respect.




Applebee, hold all my calls. I’ve got to go talk to the temp.

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Prepare to never be hungry again

At England’s University of Nottingham, a bewilderingly intrepid researcher took it upon himself to infect himself with a hookworm, to test out this freaky parasitic beastie’s capacity to suppress immunologic response.  Now I’m all for taking a bullet for a good cause (this is only in theory, as I work in an office), but I would literally rather take a bullet, than have this incarnation of my nightmares anywhere near my tender squishy innards. 

If I were to represent my revulsion graphically, the following -a description of research methods in Papua New Guinea-  would look like Black Tuesday.

“We didn’t speak the language, and we were sparsely equipped,” he recalled. “But we established a rapport with the people. We gave them worm tablets and would ask them politely, in pidgin English, to collect their fecal matter in buckets for us.”

Needless to say, I did not finish the article.


                                            I am an abomination


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