As some of you may know, I used to have a blog dedicated to finding the best place to get a cheeseburger in Park Slope, called The Great Burger Hunt. Sadly, after a few months of glory, my enthusiasm for the blog trickled away for various reasons, not one having to do with the amount of burgers I consume.
For one thing, I moved away from Park Slope. Ok, so Prospect Heights is pretty damn close and most of my cheeseburger consumption still happens in Park Slope anyway, so this was a bad excuse.
For another thing, I found several good burgers along the way, thereby sort of accomplishing the mission that inspired me to start the blog in the first place…so that caused me to lose some steam. If I were a better blogger I would’ve paid my due respects in writing to Park Slope Ale House, Beast, 200 Fifth, Soda Bar, and a place in Chelsea called Pop Burger before I called it a day. I also would’ve done a hilarious bit about this kitschy local place with a terrifying clown called McDonald’s. It would’ve been really funny, I swear.
The saddest, most awful, terrible, and tragic reason I stopped writing my burger reviews, is that after at least five years of having to take a shit immediately after I ate most things, the genius Pizappas helped me realize that I am, in fact, LACTOSE INTOLERANT.
There’s no need to elaborate on the cruel ironies inherent in this fact, so I’ll just leave it at this: while I’m glad to be shitting a more normal number of times a day now, when I’m old and incontinent and wearing diapers anyway, you can be damn sure I’ll be the guy sitting in the corner drinking Velveeta through a straw.
These nacho chesse wrestlers know what I’m talkin’ about…
Ultimately, the real reason I stopped posting on The Great Burger Hunt is that I am lazy, and after eating a big delicious cheeseburger I’m usually less inclined to write an epic poem about why Dizzy’s is so bad than I am to go home and take an epic nap and/or dump (it was usually a dump, before the lactose realization).
BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME!
The reason I’ve come out of retirement is to give props to a joint near my work that I frequent on a weekly basis. This masterpiece of a burger establishment has everything I ever looked for in a haunt…
-Deliciously seasoned patties (made with freshly ground beef, no less)
-A plethora of cheese options (including my old favorite, pepper jack, and my new favorite, goat — the saving grace of the lactard lifestyle)
-Fresh bakery buns
-Perfect fries of three varieties: regular, seasoned curlies, and sweet potatoe
-Perfect price-range ($7 cheeseburger, $3 fries for two, $2 soda WITH free refills)
-Outstanding, fast, friendly service…
The list goes on and on.
This spectacular, wonderful, delightful, delicious, dare I say perfect burger establishment is located in Fort Greene, and it is called 67 Burger.
Now, for the sake of full disclosure, I have been thinking about writing this review for quite a while now, but the reason tonight is different from all other nights, is that today when I went for lunch, the owner, Ed, offered me a beer…when I said no thanks, he said ok and whispered something to the girl taking my order. And when I pulled out my wallet to pay…she said it was ON THE HOUSE!!!
For the sake of further disclosure, I did mention to Ed several months ago that I used to write a burger review blog…so there’s a possibility that he thinks my opinion is more influential than it actually is and gave me a burger as a self-serving gesture (and if that’s the case, way to go Ed, it worked).
But I have been there a LOT of times between then and now, and this was my first freebie. I really think that this was just a local business owner who appreciates a loyal customer and wanted to give something back. WHAT A MENSCH, as my Grandma would say.
So, while the flame of my inspiration was fanned by the flu of my wallet, the love in my heart comes straight from the meat in my gut. Go to 67 Burger. Free or not, this is a class establishment and a burger spot for the ages.
67 Burger
67 Lafayette Avenue (@ Fulton St.)
Ft. Greene, Brooklyn
the day you first didn’t shit your brains out was like the best and worst day of your whole life, eh?
From one lactose intolerant to another, just get yourself some lactase caps (Costco if you’re a member, any chain drug store if you’re not). Mostly they’re in little packets that you can just put in your pocket. As long as you have enough with you, you’ll do fine.