So, I know some of you follow the cheese industry pretty closely. You may have beat me to the punch on this one. But have you heard of this new product called “Live Active Cheese?”
From the Kraft website:
Great-tasting LiveActive Natural Cheese Snacks will help promote regularity in 2 weeks–or we will refund your purchase price. Try a serving a day for 14 days.
Get results or get it free.
Did you get that? It’s a cheese that helps you poop. Revolutionary!
Um, I don’t know about you, but it does not take 14 days for cheese to promote regularity in my digestive system. Not to be TMI or anything, but really. Loose as a goose!
They were like, what is a product that will not only be a new product that we can sell for more money than it used to cost, but also is IMPERVIOUS to claims that it doesn’t work….
Beer that gets you drunk? No, that won’t work.
Um… Coffee that keeps you awake? IMPOSSIBLE.
Bacon that makes you fat? This is never going to work if you people do not get REVOLUTIONARY.
Boss, I’ve got it! CHEESE THAT MAKES YOU POOP.
Goddamn brilliant. Jones gets a raise.
See you soon, buddy!