The Setting: Grand Army Plaza. 5pm, Thursday the 11th of October. There is a ridiculous rainstorm in progress that has turned Brooklyn into a collection of sidewalk swimming pools.
Me: Innocent looking red head who has been caught in the thunderstorm. Flip flops. Floral and flimsy umbrella above my head barely covering the liquid wrath of God that is falling upon me. Soaked from head to toe. I wait patiently (and law-abidingly) on the sidewalk for crosswalk light to turn green. It does.
You: Guy in fancy suit driving blue BMW, talking on cell phone. You speed around the sidewalk corner next to which I am standing, ignoring the red light and showering me in rain and sewage water (and love). Some gets in my mouth.
Our (hypothetical) first date: You could pick me up in your BMW. I would feel the nice leather interior, hopefully not ruining it with my sopping wet clothing or the hatred that I feel for you that is dripping from my pores. You take me out to a nice dinner and apologize for your auto-negligence and utter disrespect for your fellow man. We leave and walk back to your car. You open the door for me. I get out. We get close to one another. And finally, I drown you in a puddle while screaming “Oh really?!?!? I ALSO LOVE GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN” while laughing maniacally.
Hope to hear from you!
Love, Brooklyn Skeptic