If you are like me and still have a latent attachment to Yahoo! Mail for Facebook notifications or the occasional email from your mother, you may come across the prominently featured dating advice articles that inhabit the front page. In Yahoo’s lifestyle section one finds articles extolling the virtues of letting your partner flirt with other men and women, advice on how to make long distance relationships work, and never ending updates on how members of the opposite sex (sorry LBGTQ folk!) can communicate with and understand each other. Today’s Yahoo! feature focuses on the “11 Things Women Don’t Know About Men.” Written by Evan Marc Katz, the article embarks on a thorough and deep analysis of the fragile male psyche that has yet to be apprehended by women everywhere. Since Evan realizes the truth is likely to be either too enraging or complicated for women to handle, he thankfully includes this headshot of himself at the beginning of his piece to engender empathy among his readers.
Typically it is acceptable to judge a book by it’s cover, but we should be charitable with Evan’s plunging neckline as it indicates his willingness to get to the heart of the very matters that have divided men from women for so long. Here are a few excerpts from his 1.5 page manifesto:
1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It’s not just futile, it’s physically impossible.
Mel Gibson aside, I think Evan is spot on here. Women are entirely too upset about their inability to fly commercial aircraft. At least be content that you have a disproportionate amount of flight attendant jobs.
8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.
Although one might think this is a pathetic cry for a woman’s charity, the Bible advises that adopting Evan’s proposal is an endeavor in self preservation:
“Mat 6:14-15 (NIV) “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But, if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”*
12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend’s a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who’s giving you advice about the jerk.)
I thought there were only 11 of these, but this one is arguably the most insightful. As 90% of sexual assault is perpetrated by persons known to the victim, it is more than likely that a woman’s “nice guy friends” will know how to identify their partners in crime…
*Note that the gendered language of this passage does not require reciprocity. Tough luck, broads.