Paris Hilton has all of America in a tizzy. Her story, her trial, her imprisonment, her release, and her subsequent incarceration have been dissected on every channel, in every newspaper, over every dinner table, and at every water cooler. No, it’s not that we have nothing better to do with our time. It’s that America sees Hilton for what she truly is: a harbinger of the Revolution.
As has been proven time and time again, a revolution is built on a number of compounding factors – an essential sequence of events.
First the celebutantes fall.
Then the establishment falls.
Then the people rise up.
With Paris Hilton securely in jail for 45 days (her release and recapture essential to assure she will have to serve her full sentence), she will fall out of the public eye if only because her vagina will not be all over the morning paper. Without her drug and booze-addled antics, the news media will have no choice but to cover second rate stories, like the war and assorted ethics crises in the upper echelons of the government. The coverage of these stories – as opposed to contract negotiations for the next season of “The Simple Life” – will disgust Americans and very rich foreigners. They will demand all government leaders to step down and be sent out to the sea on ice floes. And then the people, free from the tyranny of celebrity culture and appallingly unethical government leaders, will rise up and recreate a new America.
The people are wise and wily. We only pretend to be achingly enthralled with the goings-on of drunk 20-somethings (hi readership!). But really, we’re just lining up all of the pawns to begin the saga of reclaiming our autonomy. So keep your eyes on E!. This revolution will be televised.